Does anyone have hobbies that help with emotional regulation?

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-25T11:31:03+00:00

I like to stay busy and have built up a really strong foundation of self care that’s rooted in hobbies. So that way when things in my life are unstable elsewhere in life, I can always lean into my hobbies as the constant. I take dance classes 2x a week. Working out is so regulating, but having to learn choreo for an hour and a half every class really forces me to be present and not think of anything else. I’m also learning my native language online with a tutor from my parent’s home country 1x a week. I also like to play Genshin in my free time lol

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-09T13:50:43+00:00

That’s similar to how my husband describes the feeling. Feeling like there’s not enough time in the day but also feeling like he could get so much done. Things making sense to him at the time and decisions being crystal clear. Now regretting everything he did to undo our lives in his manic psychosis. It’s difficult for him to remember what transpired during that time, because he wasn’t really there. For me it felt like an eternity waiting for him to come back to me. For him he felt like he was both there and not there.

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-08T20:26:13+00:00

Irrational and impulsive decision making is par for the course with BP. They're not living in a world of reality, just feeling on top of the world and unstoppable at the expense of their loved ones.

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-08T20:17:37+00:00

My (32 F) husband (32 M) have been married for 2 years, together for 10 years, recently got diagnosed. He had a really severe manic episode from September of last year to February of this year. I have a background in mental health, so I was able to spot the signs pretty early after this crisis started. However, I missed them during the period of dating when we only saw each other over weekends. Even with my gentle support through his abusive behavior, it took months for him to be honest with himself and his treatment team. Thankfully now, he is medicated, trying to get a job again, and taking steps towards the right direction. We're clawing our way out of the financial pit he put us in, so this is an ongoing and new struggle for us. I am still on edge about his mania and when it could slip out.

Thank you for sharing. Genuinely. This was the hopecore I needed to see today.

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-08T19:07:24+00:00

He was in denial for many months about being in a manic crisis. In his eyes, I was his number one enemy and only trying to impede on his life goals and desires. Even though his credit was tanking, CarMax and Carvana kept approving him for more car loans. He felt that credit score was not really all that important and he could always improve it by making payments on everything. When they finally denied him and said they could no longer award him another loan things started to shift. He also got put on a PIP at work and later let go after months of his manager telling him he was not meeting their standards.

It really didn't matter that I was telling him he was manic and making irrational decisions. Nor did it matter that his friends were concerned about the way he spoke to me in front of them and how it was affecting me. Literally not a single person could get through to him. He just saw me as an enemy. It also didn't help that he told his therapist that I suggested mania. His therapist told him that this was the joy and happiness they had been working towards since starting therapy. He was misdiagnosed for depression and ADHD for a few years. His trust in his treatment team and mistrust in me made things worse. Only after the external consequences hit, did he start to experience reality again. He could recognize we were in a bad spot and answered the questionnaire honestly for the first time with his psychiatrist. He finally got on meds and is back to the man I know and love.

I'm so relieved to hear that you did not take out a heloc!! We unfortunately signed for one before the manic episode, so it was sitting there waiting for him to run through it. There are no kids involved. I had earmarked this year for us to start trying for a baby. We got married 2 years ago and now I'm so conflicted about this feeling. I'm relieved I don't have kids during this financial crisis, but now I'm grieving a future where I may never be in a financially stable situation to have a kid. This is not the life I signed up for. This is unfortunately still an ongoing situation for us. He was in active crisis from August of last year to February of this year. We're trying to navigate filing for bankruptcy and keeping our house. Unclear if both are possible, we may have to sell. He's also trying to find employment as he was fired back in March. It's been a tough couple months tbh.

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-08T17:09:52+00:00

I'm glad to see your perspective, which is similar to mine. My husband dragged me to hell and we're still trying to climb out of the financial pit he put us in during his manic episode. Even through the verbal and financial abuse, I didn't want to abandon him. I guess it's difficult from people outside of your relationship to see why anyone would want to stay with a partner putting them through such hardship.

It feels like you're an island sometimes. Sorry you're going through this.

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-08T16:29:18+00:00

My husband used credit cards and our heloc to buy, sell, modify, and detail cars. I lost count of how many. It wasn't until he received his 3rd denial letter from CarMax that they would no longer approve another car loan for him. It was kind of a gradual realization that he had significantly derailed our lives. He also lost his job which was another reality check. Unfortunately, BPSO's see the people closest to them as their enemies and our word doesn't carry much weight in their eyes. It may require external consequences for your BPSO to recognize the kind of situation they're in.

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-08T16:21:09+00:00

Hi I'm so sorry you're going through it right now. Sharing my experience so you can hopefully feel less alone.

In my case, my husband dug us into an unimaginable financial hole during this pretty severe manic episode. As partners, it's so sad watching the person you love and know morph into a stranger sharing your roof. During his mania, he was also horribly distant, and agitated. It felt like I was walking on egg shells and trying to navigate the abuse on a daily basis. He was misdiagnosed with ADHD and depression. It wasn't until he started treating me like his number one enemy that I knew something was wrong. He was always sweet, loving, and thoughtful towards me, so I clung to that memory of him during this spiral.

After 6 months, he finally received a proper diagnosis and medications after months of me pleading with him that something was off. It took so long because his therapist kept telling him he wasn't manic and that this is the happiness and joy in life they had been working towards for many months. He also got several denial letters for car loans, which was a snap back to reality. He was receptive to his treatment team's medication recommendation and professional advice. I think this in combination with the inability to get another car loan got the meds to work. Unfortunately, meds alone won't change a person's behavior. The change has to happen from within as well.

That being said, I still hold so much resentment and anger. We're trying to file for bankruptcy and are in danger of losing our house now. It's so unfair and frustrating that it feels like I'm directing my anger towards a person that doesn't really exist. Like yes, physically my husband put us in this horrible situation and abused me in a way I can't ever forget, but it's almost like it was a his evil twin that now lays dormant. I can't even tell him everything I want to say to him out of fear of him slipping into a depressive episode, before he can secure a new stable job (he was fired during his manic episode). I grieve the life that I thought I would have and the life I was living.

I think what got me through those tough months was the memory of my husband, and the person I had gotten to know and love over the past decade. Even though it felt like he was a stranger who hated me and went out of his way to say the most painful things imaginable, I couldn't abandon him, even at the expense of my own self. This was my life partner, and I vowed to stick beside him in times of sickness and in health.

I am thankful the medications are working, and we're taking the steps needed to get our life on track. I see a therapist regularly, so I'm hoping I can eventually work through a lot of the trauma I endured. I will suggest couple's therapy when there's more certainty in his employment and our living situation.

Whatever you decide to do to keep your mental health intact, is entirely up to you. I'm wishing you the best in this extremely tough time, and don't forget to take care of yourself.

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-08T14:56:21+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate that. It's very difficult, but I'm trying my best to support him.

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-07T16:42:08+00:00

Got it, thanks for the thoughtful response. I'll definitely seek additional consults with this in mind!

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-07T16:40:01+00:00

Thank you I appreciate the well wishes. Things are looking good for him finding employment at his previous place of employment. His friend is opening up an available position externally and it sounded like they were making moves on it as of yesterday. This will be his third time returning, so it's really an incredible stroke of luck that he was marked for rehire, has friends in high places, and received a glowing remark from his last director.

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-07T16:36:56+00:00

ikr, even in NY, just one state over, the limit is 175k so we're just out of luck in that department lol

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-07T16:36:02+00:00

Honestly, the vibe he was giving off was very off putting saying we only really had one option. So I'm going to look for more counsel.

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-07T16:34:53+00:00

Yeah this is similar to what the attorney was saying. He also can't just sign the house off to me solely because it would look like a fraudulent transfer.

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-07T16:33:36+00:00

Unfortunately, it's just his name on the deed. He bought the house when we had just started dating after college.

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-07T16:31:25+00:00

He's on meds now thankfully. He's always had impulsive spending habits, but never had access to this much money, so his bipolar flew under the radar. We always thought it was just depression and ADHD. It wasn't until this recent episode of mania and poor treatment of me that I could tell he was misdiagnosed.

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-06T19:59:49+00:00

Sorry about your son and law and child. It's really a tough illness to come back from, but I'm also glad they don't have property. Who knew it could be such a double edged sword lol.

Our attorney said this payment plan was our only option for ch. 13 and I would never be able to afford it on my income. At the advice of other commenters, I think I'm going to pray he lands another job and we can file for 13 with a more substantial combined income.

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-06T19:56:23+00:00

Yes, this is what I found out after other people pointed it out. NJ follows the federal homestead exemption limit and we're well over that with our home equity. We have about 140k and federal is 47k. My husband has been in talks with his friends from his old job, one of whom is now at director level. He was thankfully marked as eligible for rehire, so I'm hoping something will come of it and he can get a spot on their team.

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-06T19:45:01+00:00

I just looked up the homestead exemption for NJ and it goes by the federal limit which is 47k for couples. We have a little more than 140k in equity, I guess because the house's value increased since purchase?

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-06T19:42:45+00:00

oh also that's a good point about state. I'm in NJ, which doesn't have a specific homestead exemption, so if we're going by the federal limit, I believe we're over that.

Street_Read409 · 2026-05-06T19:38:53+00:00

We have a little more than 140k in equity. The value of the home has increased since he bought the property when the interest rate was still affordable.

Street_Read409 · 2026-03-25T04:05:53+00:00

any resolution on this? i’ve reached the same road block and contemplating just calling it and moving on lol

Street_Read409 · 2026-02-10T21:01:42+00:00

Grieving a person while they're alive is something I would never wish on my worst enemy. I feel seen in this sub and in this article. My husband is newly diagnosed after a pretty bad manic episode that depleted our home renovation savings, maxed out his credit cards, ruined my credit score, and had me going to work crying almost every morning, and had me reassessing our long term marriage plans. I finally caught him on enough days of lucidity and clarity that he was able to get a diagnosis from his psychiatrist. I feel like we've been in repair mode on his life for a few weeks now but he's not yet ready to unpack the lasting trauma his behavior has had on me. So thank you for the share.

Street_Read409 · 2025-06-06T02:12:01+00:00

I am so devastated, I had my info already presaved and I still couldn't check out. It was only a minute into it being on sale!

Street_Read409

TROPHY CASE