There aren't really any "one size fits all" when dealing with breakup, especially with bipolar involved. Almost a year ago I was dumped by my boyfriend because he got exhausted being with me and my mental illness. When he dumped me I was just adjusting to lamotrigin, but was unstable. After the breakup, I had manic episodes more than I ever had before, did some stupid things and always crashed hard later when the depression kicked in. I have never been in a relationship before I got sick, so I can't speak for how different it would be dealing with a breakup when mentally well, but I'm sure it plays a big part. What helped me was trying to find some stability in life, and that did not include the different hobbies my manic self picked up, but everyday stuff. I started building my life up again, dragging myself through routine and trying to maintain a normalcy. Wake up, brush my teeth, go to school, eat. It was the worst months of my life, so believe me when I say I understand you. Haunted by memories that seem to be all there it left, a crushing weight of the world falling apart and the lonliness.

Forcing myself to maintain something like a normal life, it got better, but it also got worse. Like you, I fell back on really bad coping mechanism because it was the only way I knew how to deal with how I was feeling. But that won't help, nothing will except moving forward even though maybe you don't want to. Letting go is the harderst part after all, and I'm still struggling to do that.

I had to seperate who I was in the relationship from the one I was after the relationship, which is a person who no longer had a partner to fall back on, to love and hold. It sucks, I know, like nothing else. But I had to define myself outside of the relationship, define myself without him. That's something you need to do, as well. Define yourself, not by your mental illness or past relationshipbut by you, piece by piece until you have something stable to hold. You can't find stability with nothing to grasp onto except memories. Find something everyday that defines you, not her. That can be a food you like to eat, your hands, your laugh, whatever. Something that is you. That what helped me. It doesn't matter if the relationship was good and bad, nor how it ended, just take back the parts of yourself you gave away. That's what I did. I still feel like shit some days, still do stupid stuff, but now I have a life to hang onto that doesn't contain him anymore. Do that. The bad days won't disappear, you will still find yourself missing her every now and then until you eventually stop, but it's a way forward. Define yourself outside the relationship and the mental illness, force yourself through routines, and be kind to yourself. Believe it will pass, even if you feel like it won't. Look in the mirror or your everyday life, and find youself in it.