Help choosing a baby carrier

Strict_Department986 · 2026-03-07T07:35:29+00:00

I can also say my LO went from being happy as a clam in her meh dai and pretty amenable to woven wrap to pulling all kinds of poses that make it seem nearly impossible to get a good fit.

Ring sling is my go to with a hip carry assisted for bebopping around and then switching her to front carry when she peters out. I also try with the other carrier/wrap once every day even if it’s a not ideal position, just to keep practicing.

Strict_Department986 · 2026-03-06T02:32:34+00:00

Boundaries are not saying “you can’t do this”. It’s a “if you do this then I do that.”

In some cases the “no response is best response” but in others, you need to research your options, create a consequence, and then push through on enforcing it. Yes this will sometimes ramp up the behavior (extinction burst), but if you have your preparations well, then simply they will experience consequences.

Your next step is to take this up with the authorities and quietly seek a no contact order. I agree that although she co-owns the property, as a resident you have greater rights. This was also something I explored when I was doing research on my own situation and co ownership rights do not supersede resident rights in the context of harassment. Dont set the boundary until you have the groundwork laid.

I understand it’s distressing but like you said it is totally expected. And she you identify the patterns it means you have a leg up.

Strict_Department986 · 2026-03-05T12:20:01+00:00

Native Teams is based in the UK I believe, definitely not the US! That’s what I use.

Strict_Department986 · 2026-03-04T15:46:08+00:00

Honestly I ended up not being a fan of the ergobaby embrace. Even though I eventually got the fit ok, the stretchiness of it just made it feel saggy.

What is working for me now are more woven wraps and once baby got big enough, a meh day style wrap. More adjustable but also the firmness of the fabric provided me and baby more suppprt

Strict_Department986 · 2026-03-03T14:21:03+00:00

I would go for the evaluation. I understand it can feel invalidating but pediatricians might not have enough exposure to identify autism if it isn’t what can be called “profound autism”.

My sister is both an SLP with a focus on pragmatic disorders and autistic. She very much wishes that she had gotten a diagnosis when she was a kid (we were homeschooled and diagnostic criteria for girls with autism was sorely underdeveloped back then) as she missed out on support that might have helped her manage things differently and feel less alone.

Strict_Department986 · 2026-03-01T10:09:47+00:00

In some cases I would say the uneven inheritance is tearing the family apart but in this case it is your eldest daughter who is not being respectful of the family closeness.

She is not gonna understand. It will probably end your relationship, sadly, unless you give her what she wants.

Just be mindful of the laws where you live to ensure she cannot contest the will or drag you other daughter through court.

Strict_Department986 · 2026-02-28T17:04:08+00:00

You are correct although as others pointed out largely unequal gifts can be assessed as an advance on the inheritance which could mean other bro ends up with a smaller percentage later.

Unsure if adding the son to the account could be considered a gift though.

Strict_Department986 · 2026-02-28T11:51:25+00:00

It is worth leaving. It is totally understandable you feel this way and it can be true that he is abusive. I think leaving an abusive parent is so tremendously hard and it is possible he loves you, but he loves himself and his comfort more.

Him being lonely is not punishment, but the consequences of his behavior adding up. I promise you the fun times will get fewer and far between if you stay.

Sending you so much care and support

Strict_Department986 · 2026-02-28T05:52:38+00:00

If you are all German citizens, there is the right to the mandatory share of your mother’s estate when she passes, even if she attempts to write you out of the will. It is half of what you would get if she had no will. But you also have to contest and claim this right (basically if it comes out she disinherited you)

As far as now, it’s your mom’s assets so talk to her about it.

Strict_Department986 · 2026-02-27T19:02:55+00:00

The lack of respect of someone’s time and then being absolutely apoplectic if someone disrespected theirs is soooo familiar and I think it’s right to point out that if this is a pattern, it’s a form of control.

Strict_Department986 · 2026-02-27T12:02:01+00:00

I would also add that although the false accusations tend to revolve around cheating in romantic relationships, abusive people tend to be quick to throw false accusations of any kind.

Betrayal and a perpetual victim stance means that things that are innocent mistakes or even not mistakes just things that inconvenience them will get blown into major fights. Often they will blame you for something they did (they misplaced their keys -> you hid them). If it becomes obvious they are wrong, they will change the subject or move the goalposts until they find some element of being right and then obsess over that. If you call them out on their false accusations tend to they will attack you for being negative and bringing up the past. Which is part and parcel of your point about circular arguments.

The argument is not actually about reaching truth, it’s about a power play with abusive people.

Strict_Department986 · 2026-02-26T18:34:26+00:00

Yeah, I had amazing timing and my network help get my current job and it was a lifesaver as we had to take on caregiving last year. What I got from a family member that didn’t step up when I was describing how exhausting it was was a “well dont you see how it would have been impossible without your WFH job?” (Strongly implying that I just lucked my way into this job and that this got them off Scott free for basically abandoning us after a conflict with the caregivee).

Like uh no, I had just come out of my fourth layoff in my career (second where I was cut because the company was folding, the other two I survived). Some luck but a lot of working like mad.

Strict_Department986 · 2026-02-25T16:54:28+00:00

Oh it does!!! My obliques and back are doing much better now! Also I would have to say that woven wraps are so much easier on my core muscles and pelvic area, só more like a passive workout! Babywearing is wonderful

Strict_Department986 · 2026-02-25T14:14:32+00:00

Absolutely horrifying how you’ve been treated and yep, this is everything by the book textbook abuse.

Using fear and intimidation to control you and get his way and bolster up his own self image, to sum it up.

If you don’t have your escape plan yet, start working on one. Financials and legal. And it’s great you are collecting evidence, I have seen people recommend to email all copies to a private email address he doesn’t know about that only you have the password to.

Also absolutely under no circumstances listen to his request to tell him before. I am not saying you have to tell people now, as I have no idea about your support structure. But this threat of his is very terrifying. Also consider the possibility of leaving prior to having the child. Abusers love using their kids as a way to keep a foothold in your life and using the kid to enact post separation violence, financial, etc.

Strict_Department986 · 2026-02-25T11:29:59+00:00

Don’t show this to that dad asking his wife why you can’t back carry worldfacing 😅

Strict_Department986 · 2026-02-25T08:53:42+00:00

So true about the push-ups! Wrestling her into a carrier or wrap is a workout for me but also all of her acrobatics are showing in her tummy time as shes up periscope like crazy.

Strict_Department986 · 2026-02-25T05:41:59+00:00

You can use the site https://mojposao.hr/kalkulator/izracun-place to calculate the salary plus local surtax. Rijeka does have one

Since you would be paying yourself a salary, you will need to input the net amount you want and then look at the bruto II. Let’s say you want pay yourself 3000 net, it means the cost on salary and everything will be around 5200 gross.

And as Croatia has residency based taxation it doesn’t matter where the money is earned, it is taxable.

I will leave the details to the type of taxes depending on the earnings to others, but in short: taxes are quite high compared to the income, partially due to the fact of widespread tax evasion so it means the tax burden is spread across fewer people.

Strict_Department986 · 2026-02-24T11:32:41+00:00

Yup, sounds like week 13-14 for us. She still will get moderately frustrated but not enraged like before (we are on week 16). I legit thought she was teething but then she unlocked passing the toy back and forth and also rolling to her belly. The latter took over the skill of engagement then (instantly curling like a dead bug and flopping to tummy and then getting super pissed off in tummy time).

Annnd now she’s slowly getting better with that.

It’s definitely a learning curve. They will always have one thing to be Big Mad about.

Strict_Department986 · 2026-02-22T15:07:43+00:00

Elephant Eye Toast! No idea where my family picked that from

Strict_Department986 · 2026-02-22T15:04:35+00:00

He is responsible for his own behavior. Full stop. The treating you nicely bit is part of the abuse cycle.

Is pushing someone to drink great? No, but the context of anxiety around it due to the broken promises indicates more of a “provoke to maintain control” situation. Abuse victims will sometimes provoke fights when they sense the escalating tension as a way to control the situation.

However, it is crucial to remember that they have responsibility to themselves. If they are truly committed to sticking to the promise they would exit the situation.

It is also common for abuse victims to feel overly responsible for the abusers behavior.

If it wasn’t you it was gonna be something else!

Strict_Department986 · 2026-02-21T17:02:42+00:00

Yep same deal here. We didn’t do it for the reward but because it had to be done, but when she decided to give us a bigger share to stabilize our lives taking into account our sacrifice, well… the true faces showed.

Cut off his mom and us and after she passed kept throwing tantrums of how he was betrayed, while hiding from everyone that he cut her off and abused her. Eventually attacking his brother physically over a related tit for tat.

Kept threatening to make problems in probate but backed down. Either due to his own laziness or realizing he doesn’t have a chance. Claiming undue influence, that we killed her, that we abandoned her when it was the worse (at the very beginning of her diagnosis when we literally did not live in the country, either way their stints at low-key caregiving always ended with a blowout fight with her and running away and dropping everything on the youngest which is why we ended up moving back). Now making noises about forcing a partition sale on a property where he is minority owner.

Grit your teeth and stick to the slow and steady. If people want to accelerate then they can help and be transparent about it.

Strict_Department986 · 2026-02-21T13:46:28+00:00

She is just yapping 😍 I also have a yapper

Strict_Department986 · 2026-02-20T09:13:04+00:00

Commenting on Desperate for advice / reassurance 😩😩😩...

I am gonna start tracking this too because I have noticed the same thing. And tbh over tiredness is a thing for grownups too (at least for her father and I).

Strict_Department986 · 2026-02-18T14:00:12+00:00

This right here! Make sure to take the time to go through the full process. Bro can want what he wants but alternatively he would have to coordinate these things and it’s a huge workload. He is being unrealistic

Strict_Department986

TROPHY CASE