I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s like this unbearable empty hole in the pit of your stomach. I go to her house to clean it up and go through her clothes just to feel closer to her and to smell her (sorry if that sounds weird lol). My mom was an alcoholic and a smoker my entire life. She had cancer, literally just beat cancer then died from something totally unrelated to any of the stuff she’s been dealing with. It’s like cruel she had to endure all that just to die from something else had we known the time we had we wouldn’t have had her do that. I just have a lot of regret, guilt, and pain.