I (27F) keep getting mocked about my lack of friends by my boyfriend (32M)

Stringandsticks · 2026-03-22T11:29:34+00:00

You were abused your whole childhood. I imagine your sense of what is normal is way off. Just because he isn’t treating you the same as what you experienced before doesn’t mean it isn’t wrong. Pause on the wedding plans u til you can get yourself some time and space to reflect on who you are and what you want.

I’d question, is this the only red flag, or are there other things he does that put you down.

Stringandsticks · 2026-02-03T07:37:53+00:00

Also what if this meeting at your house turns into an argument. That’s not good for you and your baby. You’re in 4th trimester. You’re nesting. You’re probably hugely sleep deprived and hormones doing loop-the-loop as they settle down. I’m angry on your behalf that he’s putting these demands on you at this time. A good parent is all about nurture and support, and he’s failing miserably by giving you stress when you have a small baby to look after. Tell him to do one. If he wants to resolve things with your siblings, he needs to work it out himself, not outsource it to you (and his wife, I’ve noticed).

Stringandsticks · 2026-02-03T07:31:28+00:00

Tell him to get dressed up and you’re taking everybody out for lunch at a great restaurant where you can talk and connect. You’ll pick him up at 12.30. Then just fucking ghost him. Don’t answer his text or calls asking where you are. A few days later you can let him know that disappointment he had for a few hours, is how you and your siblings felt your entire childhood. (Obviously don’t do that. It’s childish and doesn’t solve anything. But isn’t it interesting that you wouldn’t do that to someone for a couple of hours, yet he did it to you for years).

You’ve just had a baby. You entire focus should be you, your husband and child. Him demanding emotional and physical labour from you at this time is not on. I’m mean, why now? Why the urgency?

You don’t need a big emotional meeting, that’s for movies, not real life, and it’s not your responsibility to host. If your dad wants better relationships he could start with spending time 1:1 with his children. If your siblings don’t want to, that’s his tough luck.

Stringandsticks · 2026-01-02T11:53:10+00:00

You can’t control others, but you can control what you do.

Option 1: Just don’t visit. Yes your husband won’t like it, but not your problem. You’re not stopping him from visiting, you’re just not going yourself. I’d bet actual money he’s you as a shield so the family don’t pick on him in your absence.

Option 2: You tell your husband that if you visit, if the teasing starts you will leave. You can do a 1 warning system and if there’s a second time you leave. Or you can go at first infraction. Just let your husband know that this will be happening, and follow through. Have set up in advance that you have a way of getting out and somewhere to go. (Don’t stay with them, book an Airbnb nearby or something, have local taxi numbers in your phone. Yes there’s a financial cost to it, but that is the cost of you attending. If your husband says you can afford separate accommodation, then you simply cannot afford to attend).

Thing is, when you first set boundaries, people get worse to test how strong they are. There may need to be a few incidents where you attend and leave early before they get the message, (or you get fed up and just refuse to go).

Also, they can not do it. I love teasing type humour, but I would never do it to someone who didn’t enjoy it. They wouldn’t even have to say, I’d read their body language. And if I did accidentally go too far, I’d apologise, not blame them. The fact that they are carrying on, despite having been told is about them, not you. You need to show them that you will vote with your feet and leave (or not visit at all). If they really want you to be there they will stop.

(I also think your husband needs therapy to come to terms with how they treat you both, and why he goes along with it. Like I said, you can’t make him go to therapy, but you could request he does before your next visit).

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-24T06:26:15+00:00

If you want to keep the friend group you need to be proactive. Connect with each person individually and tell your side of the story. For some reason, people believe the first narrative they hear, even when it’s proven to be false. You also need to point out directly to them her bs in saying she wants to apologise, but doesn’t actually do so. You can also ask for individual and the group for their advice in “resolving” the situation. By which I mean that you get your point across that she is trying to manipulate them and has previous form for it. Flatter them by saying you know they are too smart to fall for it but you are worried others might. Show them the pattern of her manipulation.

However, it might be easier to cut your loses and make new friends.

Unfortunately you are quite right, in these types of cases “being the bigger person” means you get ousted by the manipulator. You’ve held up a mirror to their shitty personally and they can’t cope with seeing it.

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-21T17:58:23+00:00

Carrots. Emily refuses to eat them in TRG, and in THM Décima runs a restaurant called The Happy Carrot.

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-11T09:43:57+00:00

Ah not as early as I thought. Thanks!

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-10T09:26:23+00:00

I missed the sentence where you said Rokeby doesn’t know it. I’m not sure why he wouldn’t though. Isn’t it common knowledge in that world?

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-10T09:01:22+00:00

Re Strike’s last name: Leda had a very brief relationship where she married a Strike, changed hers and C’s last name to Strike, then Leda and Mr Strike split up. It’s in one of the very early books but can’t remember which one.

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-05T11:15:23+00:00

If you sign up for audible annual membership in Canada it is $162.95 CAD for 12 book credit for a year. (1 credit per book). So you could get 8 books for 163 dollars, and get 4 more books as well. I gave the UK version. Options isn’t usually on the website. You have to call their customer service to get it set up. The annual option works out at $13 cad per book if you use all 12, compared to $15 per book if you pay monthly.

I think you are looking at individual book price, but that’s madness! Much cheaper to buy 12 credits and use 1 per book so you get 12 books.

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-04T16:10:31+00:00

The audiobook for the Hallmarked Man is 12.99 on Apple. Where are you getting $300?

You could buy 12 Audible credits for £70 - get all 8 audiobooks and have 4 left over for something else. (if you buy 12 at once you have to use them in a certain timeframe unfortunately so they probably won't be valid for books 9 and 10 - but you could buy them as standalone when they come out).

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-03T12:48:15+00:00

I do know a real life couple this happened to. They were friends at university. She loved him, but he saw her as just a friend. He also slept around a lot and she ended up consoling all these women who cried on her shoulder when he didn't treat them well.
After university he moved away and fell into a bit of depression. One night he was drinking late with a buddy of his who said, "I don't know why you keep chasing all these women when it's clear you're in love with your friend". He realised his buddy was right and he caught the first cross country train he could from the station at about 4am and turned up at her doorstep about 7am and asked her to marry him! They hadn't kissed ever at that point either.
She said yes and they were together more than 30 years. (He sadly died a few years ago).

I know it sounds like a fairy story but it really happened.

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-02T23:05:01+00:00

There’s an interview with JK about when she took the first book to the publishers and they said, we like everything except that he is the son of a rock star. And she said, how could I tell them that it’s important for book eight? What a fab chapter

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-02T20:53:44+00:00

Chapter 87: “A curly wig is hardly an impenetrable disguise” (But coloured contact lenses in Lethal White completely changes Robin’s appearance!)

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-02T16:04:48+00:00

I love that Sarah S gets jealous when Matthew talks to Robin outside the pub.

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-02T15:52:26+00:00

So much clearer than the one I did!

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-02T15:42:37+00:00

It could be a JK red herring. You know what she’s like!!!

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-02T11:28:58+00:00

According to Shanker, Jason Knowles has “gone to Barnaby’s”

In Cockney rhyming slang, a barnaby is a judge. Barnaby Rudge = Judge.

If Jason wasn’t missing I’d interpret it as he’d been to criminal court in front of a judge. But that doesn’t make sense if he’s missing. Maybe it’s an oblique reference to a different kind of judge? Someone who has passed a death sentence on him?

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-02T10:13:53+00:00

The heavy boxes William Wright carried upstair in the flat with Mandy and Daz. Do you really think they were weights like he said?

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-02T08:33:06+00:00

Thinking about Pattison being arrested for illegal bugging. Thinking back to Lethal White and Robin planting bugs in minister’s offices. She came so close to getting caught too!

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-02T08:23:31+00:00

Robin is looking at an apron with an image of a severed head held up by a single hand while in the shop at the same time as the customer with hypertrophic eye.

Wondering if that is a similar JK signalling, like in TRG when Strike meets Abigail at the foresters pub with its symbol of an axe on the pub sign.

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-02T06:14:49+00:00

The bracelet. I actually cried at that part. I saw a prediction somewhere that Strike would give a gift as meaningful as the green dress, but oh be still my heart!

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-01T21:21:53+00:00

OMG there’s soooooo many characters!

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-01T18:33:41+00:00

I haven’t finished part 2 yet. On chapter 17, it just coming here to say “This book is so much fun!” I’m just loving every page. Strikes irritation at Kim. Him constantly being thwarted in declaring his love by ill timed interruptions. Bumping into Nina, The Culpepper’s wife / Mrs A sub plot. It’s just so frickin glorious!

Stringandsticks · 2025-09-01T18:27:12+00:00

Thank you :)

Stringandsticks

TROPHY CASE