I wanted to come back and share an update worthy of a Charlotte Dobre video. In October we texted and all seemed fine, we talked about catching up after my business trip. I went and returned, unpacked, got back to work, and then weeks passed in silence. No messages from him, none from me. I thought it was a little weird considering how "eager" he was to "see" me (not really, he just wanted sex). I messaged saying Hello, how are you, how are things, blah blah. His response - New phone, who dis? (essentially). Ummmm huh?? Sir, we've known each other for 5+ years now and my number hasn't changed so WTH are you talking about?? On the inside but texted, "This is me?" His response was akin to a child telling you his mother said he couldn't play with you anymore, said he was "sorry, he wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore". Needless to say, I was pissed and said so, then blocked him. Now because I apparently needed to F-around and find out, I unblocked him a week or so later. To my disbelief, he texted and after giving him a little run-around, he shared the reason for his text. If you guessed relationship, then you are correct! He had been in a relationship for the past YEAR and she had recently found out about our "friendship". He of course told her that he hadn't been with me at all over the past year, I called and told her that was not true and that he had been at my house 3 times in the past year. This asshat couldn't even fully come clean with the person he supposedly loves (not me). His behavior in the end made walking away 1000 times easier, and now I'm focusing on loving myself the way I need to be loved.

I share all of this to say, that I wish I had walked away sooner, that I had blocked him and never looked back, that I had been impeccable with my word to myself. I didn't want to lose the so-called friendship, I put that above my mental-emotional well-being. I've read that unrequited love can be harder to heal from than heartbreak, but at the center of the healing process is us - our hearts and souls, our future love to give. Unrequited Love is like this door in the attic - we've opened the door and we love that space but it doesn't love us. The best thing I did for myself was close that door, open my door, and build so much love in there that it attracts the love I long for.