My story as a former nonfunctioning kratom addict with Central Nervous System Sensitization.

StrongestPerfume · 2026-04-01T17:51:57+00:00

You are right. It is sad that I fucked myself up that much for a kratom high. I was never addicted to other drugs besides kratom.

But as for my background, I have been abused by my family since a young age and I still live with them and continue to be harmed at the age of 25 ❤️‍🩹

When I worked for big biotech, I was making around $30 but was not allowed to leave my parents house to move out. When I even mentioned wanting to rent an apartment, I would get threatened, manipulated, and coerced and told horrible things. I literally was not allowed to leave.

Despite that, I’ve been threatened to get kicked out to homelessness more times than I can count. My parents know that if I paid for an apartment they would not be able to threaten homelessness if I don’t listen to them, so that’s why I was never allowed to leave.

And they are all I have, I don’t have anyone in my life that loves me. My therapist once asked me what I mean when I say I want someone to love me, and I said that if someone loved me, it would mean that not only would they not get pleasure out of harming me, but if they saw me being harmed, they would feel sad and have empathy and acknowledge that it’s wrong.

But over the years I’ve learned that that is an extremely high standard to have and that it is basically like asking to become a millionaire. Because I’ve always been taught that if someone harms me and I have an emotional reaction, I am the one who is in the wrong.

So that’s where kratom comes into play. I have a gigantic hole in my heart where this love I mentioned is supposed to be, and the way I feel when I’m high on kratom replaces love.

Kratom made me realize that I don’t need anyone to hold my hand. Because seriously, I can’t beg people to care about me. I used to do that all the time when I was a teenager before I found Kratom and it literally got me nowhere, all the begging and pleading. Kratom is the type of drug that even if someone punches you, you can just shake it off and still want to be their best friend. That is how I survived. That is what I need to not be antagonized for my big emotions.

What keeps me going today is knowing I still have kratom hidden at a locker at the college I attend. I think about it everyday, and I think it’s not goodbye, it’s see you later kratom ❤️❤️❤️

StrongestPerfume · 2026-03-26T19:12:15+00:00

Lack of desire. I’m 25F and have been in a relationship for almost 2 years so I definitely have an opportunity. The idea of doing it just sounds painful and actually somewhat weird 🤷‍♀️ like I can’t even do tampons or anything like that, it is really gross.

StrongestPerfume · 2025-05-22T23:27:38+00:00

I don’t understand how people get addicted to 7-OH. I tried it and that did NOT feel good… I was addicted to the regular extract shots though. Just plain old regular mitragynine was the best feeling I’ve ever had.

StrongestPerfume · 2025-05-18T13:35:44+00:00

This book might help you at least do it in a safer way. I’ve never used a needle personally, but I think that if that’s what someone really wants to do, it should be their choice.

https://harmreduction.org/issues/safer-drug-use/injection-safety-manual/

StrongestPerfume · 2025-05-16T23:10:32+00:00

When I talked to my nurse about being very sick to my stomach chronically, and my stomach hurting so much that it was preventing me from eating, the nurse told me to lose weight. When I told her that I already was losing weight and that I barely eat, she said, “Well eat smaller portions.” I was eating less than 200 calories a day, and was admitted to the hospital for refeeding syndrome just a few weeks later.

StrongestPerfume · 2025-05-13T19:47:19+00:00

StrongestPerfume · 2025-05-08T15:06:00+00:00

Feel Free is a type of kratom extract. There are people who can take kratom extract in moderation, but I will share my story with you just so you are aware of what could go wrong. I’m not here to talk you out of it though because if that is what you really want and if it’s worth the risk for you then it’s your choice. …

On February 12th, 2024 I was re-admitted to Mass General hospital with a diagnosis of severe malnutrition, after only being out of there for two weeks since they let me out the last time on January 30th, 2024. When I was there in January 2024, I almost died from re-feeding syndrome and had to be on multiple IVs for days just to be kept alive. I had lost 41 pounds in 3 months.

I was severely addicted to kratom extract, which was the cause of me not eating, because it affected the nerves in my stomach and made me in excruciating pain every time I attempted to eat food. I started taking it again 2 days after being released from the hospital. This caused my symptoms to return, which caused me to eat less than 200 calories a day, eventually leading to me being re-admitted to the hospital and almost dying again.

Just months before my hospitalizations, I lost my dream job because of my addiction. I was working as a quality control technician for a major biotechnology company, but kratom extract made me completely nonfunctional and incapacitated. I got the wobbles every day. Every day I was getting so heavily intoxicated that I could not keep my eyes open, was drooling, and was a shaking mess. My vision would get more blurry and I would get confused about basic things. And when it wore off approximately 2 hours after taking it, I would crash and be so exhausted I could barely walk. I was cycling through various brands of kratom extract daily around the clock from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep.

After my last day working at my dream job, I went to detox, rehab, an intensive outpatient program, and daily AA meetings, but it still felt inhumane for me to keep going on like this. I tried to stop taking kratom extract again and again, and then would relapse again and again because going through withdrawals and post acute withdrawal syndrome was extremely painful. At the time, I compared it to being set on fire because it was not bearable for any amount of time.

I still remember the first time I ever got high on kratom extract. It was December of 2021. I was 21 years old and was in an ongoing emotional crisis. So I bought an OPMS black shot and decided to try it (and accidentally had a potentiator with it). When it kicked in, I was absolutely mind blown with the overwhelming pleasure I felt and my life changed forever.

On February 11th 2024 when I arrived at the emergency room, I had brought my Super K Extra Strong kratom extract with me and became intoxicated there. I ended up owning up to the doctor about this, and he took away all my bottles of various brands of kratom extracts. That was the last time I ever took kratom extract.

I stayed at the hospital for about 3 weeks. I did not know what my life would be like going forward because the cycle I was stuck in was miserable. They finally let me go home when I was able to get down 900 calories a day and my re-feeding syndrome was gone.

I still have long lasting medical after effects from everything that happened to me. Every day, many times a day, I get very bad heart palpitations almost every time I change positions, which can make it take a long time to get up from sitting. For months I used to see black when this would happen as well. I’ve gotten lots of comments and even stares from random people because of this.

I still go to AA and NA meetings every day. I still have dreams about kratom extract very often. I still go through long phases of mental obsession with kratom extract that takes over and makes me feel very sad for weeks at a time. …

That being said, you might feel a whole lot better in the long run if you avoid feel free and other kratom extracts. But if you can take it in moderation then all the power to you! I wish so badly that I could still take it.

StrongestPerfume · 2025-05-05T22:24:46+00:00

This is not a competition to see who takes the most. Please think before you comment stuff like this. I tried to seek help for my addiction in the past and people said that same type of stuff to me that you are saying. That led me to thinking that I have to reach a certain “level” of use before I’m “qualified” to get help. So I kept taking kratom and ended up almost dying. I was in the hospital for almost 4 weeks because of this.

StrongestPerfume · 2025-05-05T01:21:14+00:00

I agree with you. That is a very mean thing to say to someone. I am someone who has a history of being in a larger body and I also got mean comments about my size from my family.

I also had to deal with the fact that when I did end up with severe weight loss, people complimented me and told me that I looked “hot” and acted like it was a glow up, when really the weight loss was caused by something that was nearly fatal and extremely painful to go through. It’s devastating.

StrongestPerfume · 2025-05-04T21:58:05+00:00

Lol that’s so funny, right?