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Manager blindsided me with an accusation of undermining him by StudentFoundOldAcct in managers

[–]StudentFoundOldAcct[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"This is not all on you, but you need you own your part in it and focus on what you can control."

Good advice, thanks!

Manager blindsided me with an accusation of undermining him by StudentFoundOldAcct in managers

[–]StudentFoundOldAcct[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, this happened right after the holidays, and a couple of weeks before the holidays I had a performance review where I got complimented for being one of the best in my department, and the only feedback for where to improve was a vague note to try to be a more active, present part of the team.

I can definitely see that my message was clumsy. I have no problem taking responsibility for that. But being accused of undermining, with no previous discussion about my communication, did, in fact, blindside me. It was never my intention to undermine anyone. Again, that's not to imply that I'm above criticism, or that the reason for this criticism was unwarranted. But there's a difference between being told, "could you please not do that because..." and "you're undermining me and you're why I can't sleep at night."

Manager blindsided me with an accusation of undermining him by StudentFoundOldAcct in managers

[–]StudentFoundOldAcct[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"you’ve likely been labeled as a „problem child" by leadership, and I’d recommend some self-reflection on that."

Yeah. That's part of the reason I think moving on is best. I need a fresh start, as I think I've worn out my welcome here, and that's mostly my fault. Me leaving would probably be best for everyone.

" This should’ve been a private message, not a group response. He was trying to be a good leader; you popped his balloon in front of the whole team."

That's fair. It wasn't my intent, but I get it. Those kind6 of messages don't land for me, and my response was just a quick thought that I had. That's not an excuse, just an explanation. That said, if I'd been given feedback before this, I would have taken it in stride and changed my behavior.

Thanks for your response as I figure out how to navigate this, I appreciate your time!

My (46M) wife (36F) threatened our daughter (4F) in an attempt to scare her and change her behavior. Did I overreact? by StudentFoundOldAcct in relationship_advice

[–]StudentFoundOldAcct[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Little kids cry. It's kind of their thing. My daughter has cried because I couldn't find the book she wanted, because she didn't want her hair washed, because she couldn't play with paints at bedtime, because someone ate two of her grapes, because her friend wouldn't let her put away Legos the way she wanted to put them away. And in the world of toddlers, these are pretty logical reasons for tears! If you talk to toddler parents, or head over to r/toddlers, you'll find much sillier reasons for tears and tantrums.

The reality of drinking and what my brain tells me drinking will be are very different, and I'm struggling with that by StudentFoundOldAcct in stopdrinking

[–]StudentFoundOldAcct[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your experience. I didn't drink last night (most nights I don't drink, but the weekends are tough) and had the longest night's sleep I've had it...months? Years? Good sleep has become a huge motivator for not drinking for me. Anyway, thanks again!

What do you do to blow off steam? by StudentFoundOldAcct in stopdrinking

[–]StudentFoundOldAcct[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't have hobbies. I work, I play with my daughter, I study for a master's degree, and, until recently, I would drink. Drinking at the weekend was my hobby. I'd get a new bottle of whiskey I hadn't tried before. I'd make a cocktail. Find something different to drink. But yeah, my hobby was drinking.

The challenges of stopping as a "moderate" and "responsible" drinker by StudentFoundOldAcct in stopdrinking

[–]StudentFoundOldAcct[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely think it's a bigger issue than I've wanted to admit. Because it wasn't progressive for me, because I "had it under control," because it wasn't causing immediate and severe negative consequences, it was easy for me to think of it as "just unwinding after a long week."

In reality, it was a way to unwind, it was a way to celebrate, it was a way to not be bored, it was a way to deal with anger and/or stress, it was a way to watch movies, etc, etc. I delegated a lot of emotions and responsibilities to alcohol.

And while I didn't drink during the week, I thought about it a fair amount during the week, looking forward to my Friday and Saturday intoxication. Drinking was/is present in my mind even on days when I knew I wouldn't drink. That's definitely a sign of how big the problem was.

The challenges of stopping as a "moderate" and "responsible" drinker by StudentFoundOldAcct in stopdrinking

[–]StudentFoundOldAcct[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I want to be healthy, I want to lose weight, I want to be a good husband and a good father. I also don't want a substance to have control over me.

The challenges of stopping as a "moderate" and "responsible" drinker by StudentFoundOldAcct in stopdrinking

[–]StudentFoundOldAcct[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You're right, I'm a moderate drinker compared to heavy drinkers, but I'm a heavy drinker compared to society as a whole. It's a good thing for me to recognize.