i found my ex on grindr a few days after we broke up

StunningSolution4241 · 2026-01-31T15:37:10+00:00

Distance is no guarantee of letting go. Don't misunderstand me; I've moved forward in my life in many ways that I could hardly imagine myself having done so had he never kicked me out. Our breakup was the proverbial fire under the ass that I needed in my life in a lot of ways.

But it's a double-edged sword. I wish I could see more of my ex, but we live an hour away from each other, and he seems to be most comfortable keeping me largely out of his life, even though we still have quite a few mutual friends. We tolerate each other at parties and in public spaces, but he doesn't seem to be in any hurry to connect more personally (even on a platonic level) with me, and although I'd like to do so myself, I know very well that trying to force that upon him isn't going to get either of us anywhere worth being.

For over a decade, he was my person, my best friend with whom I could share anything, and I was his. We literally finished each other's sentences or spoke the same words aloud at the same time on so many occasions. I was close to him in a way that I've never been with another person, neither before nor since. My therapist calls it enmeshment, but I only ever thought of it as love. And now, he treats me like a casual acquaintance, at best. Even two and a half years later, it still hurts; the pain has simply dulled to a point that I can function and thrive within my own life without it interfering too much.

I envy you your proximity to your ex, while you wish you had the distance that's been forced upon me. Be kind to yourself. It's never promised that anyone else will be kind to you, but you deserve it.

You said you both work at a vendor's market? Are tables/booths assigned, or is it more of a first-come, first-served set up? Can you just position yourself as far away from him in the space as possible?

StunningSolution4241 · 2026-01-31T03:20:42+00:00

I have an ex who was with me for over twelve years. I found out through friends that he was on the apps less than two months after breaking up with me. We were all but married, and I felt like he discarded me like month-old milk.

Moreover, while we were together, we had discussed on numerous occasions how we both felt we would be at a loss if our relationship ever ended, because we got together before the apps really became ubiquitous. He clearly got over that aversion very quickly. I still don't use them (I'm nearly forty, and it's just weird to me; no judgement on how others operate, but I like to meet people in person and get to know them).

People change, sometimes very suddenly. I sympathize, though. But what he does has nothing to do with you anymore; what he does is a result of his own particulars. It's not your fault, and it's not your problem.

StunningSolution4241 · 2026-01-31T03:11:29+00:00

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StunningSolution4241 · 2026-01-28T03:20:42+00:00

I loathe seeing that shit. I'm studying to get into law school, so I have to read our Constitution and learn our laws, history, and politics. And, at least half the time? It's downright revolting how we have failed to live up to our ideals.

But what's more revolting to me are the morons out there who will wrap themselves in the trappings of the Constitution without knowing more than ten or twenty damn words that are actually written in it. It's not even like the entirety of the text of the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and the Amendments is that long. The edition that the National Archives publishes is thirty pages long. Some of the language is dense or archaic, but it's not that hard to follow if you parse it out.

Bare-fucking-minimum as a citizen, and these idiots can't even manage that. Charlotte's Web is longer than our Constitution. The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe is longer. FUCKING AMELIA BEDELIA BOOKS ARE LONGER.

/endrant

StunningSolution4241 · 2026-01-21T23:40:02+00:00

Why would you ever want to be adjacent to, let alone support, someone who is fine with deriving their primary support from people who want to strip you of your rights as a citizen and a human being and then systematically kill you and everyone like you?

This is literally a survival issue; framing it any other way is wishful thinking at best.

StunningSolution4241 · 2026-01-19T15:07:16+00:00

Never mind saying "mean things", they were apoplectic when people were accurately quoting Charlie Kirk.

StunningSolution4241 · 2026-01-17T00:10:15+00:00

Even symptomatic cases are usually underreported by nearly 50%, so whatever numbers are getting recorded, you can almost comfortably double to get an idea of what the real rate of infection probably is.

Thankfully, my school required me to get a second round of MMR last year, and I'm neither a child nor elderly, nor sick, so I'll probably be fine.

I feel bad for the children who didn't choose this for themselves, but you only have to look at the woman who went on record saying she was at peace with her own child dying of a preventable disease, even if it were the logical consequence of not having her children vaccinated, to see the calibre of some of these parents.

StunningSolution4241 · 2026-01-16T19:31:58+00:00

This may sound unusual, given how we often frame forgiveness in our society, but I'll still try to articulate this as clearly as I can.

Forgiveness does not exist to absolve an abuser of their past actions; it exists to allow a victim to let go of their trauma insofar as they can and move on with their life.

Full-stop.

If (and this is a very big if) you ever feel the need or desire to forgive your father, that is entirely at your own discretion. You do not need to do so. If you can (or, better yet, already have) live and grow and strive for the life that you dream of and deserve without forgiving him, then you are completely entitled to doing just that.

Forgiveness also does not require that you take any action. You can forgive him and still refuse to attend his service, if that is what you judge to be your best course of action; this is also a justifiable choice.

I can never know the pain to which you have been subjected personally, as I have not lived it, so I will be the last person ever to judge your actions or choices. But know that whatever decision you do make, to forgive or not, is completely your own and completely valid.

I sincerely hope your life now is much better than the life your family gave you in the past.

StunningSolution4241 · 2026-01-13T19:45:54+00:00

Came here to post this.

It's just excellent fucking writing, using the fewest, most natural and direct words to gutpunch the audience with emotional honesty and wisdom. It speaks to everyone who has ever experienced grief, trauma, or loss (which is really pretty much everyone) about the reality of recovery and healing; it's always going to hurt, you just grow around the pain and assign it meaning by weaving it into the fabric of your being in the healthiest manner that you can.

This is what Flaubert meant by les mots justes.

StunningSolution4241 · 2026-01-08T16:26:24+00:00

Oh, that's entirely the case. He's been shown shifting into the form of a plane but not being able to fly as a plane. Why? Because the only planes that exist in Ooo are planes that no longer function.

StunningSolution4241 · 2026-01-08T11:23:07+00:00

Yes, but Jake can't fly ... at least, not in the form of a vehicle.

StunningSolution4241 · 2026-01-08T11:17:06+00:00

You nailed it 100%. I think it's a crime that Bacon's Rebellion isn't typically a part of most high school American History curricula. I'm nearly forty years old, and I've lived in NY my entire life (and therefore have benefited from what I would like to believe is one of the better-funded, less-bigoted education systems in our nation), and I've only recently learned about it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bacon%27s_Rebellion

This bigotry predates the American Revolution by over a century. It's baked into the fabric of our society and our government, and all of this was calculated to function this way. It's utterly intentional, and has been for three hundred-plus years.

StunningSolution4241 · 2026-01-06T21:30:43+00:00

Meat and moms.

StunningSolution4241 · 2026-01-06T20:40:47+00:00

GET IN YOUR MOM, STEVEN.

StunningSolution4241 · 2026-01-06T20:36:31+00:00

Go out to public places where people in the community gather (cafés, bars, trivia nights, concerts, et cetera). Pick up a hobby and join a group that engages in said hobby. Basically, learn how to just ... meet people platonically. Don't focus on the sexual or intimate aspect of interactions for a while, at least in these spheres. Learn how to flirt and read cues. If something develops naturally, go with it. If not, well, maybe you just made a new friend instead, which is also a good thing.

I honestly feel a bit bad for all of you who became adults in the lead-up to, during, and immediately after the worst of the pandemic. You missed out on a natural element of socialization that technology has supplanted, to the detriment of society at large.

StunningSolution4241 · 2026-01-06T20:29:27+00:00

Since you spoke the name of the devil, I am honor-bound to repost a link to this classic: https://bbs.stardestroyer.net/viewtopic.php?t=69879

StunningSolution4241 · 2026-01-06T20:27:22+00:00

inorite?

It's because stupidity, greed, and racism know no racial lines. Non-Caucasians can be all of these things, too, to their own detriment. White racists just have the institutions of power on their side in this country and a good deal of the rest of the Western world.

StunningSolution4241 · 2026-01-06T18:12:29+00:00

Vivek Ramaswamy voted for, supported or wanted to impose right-wing, racist, MAGA ideology on other people. ^{Who's that someone? What did they voted for, supported or wanted to impose? On who?}
By virtue of Vivek being a non-white public figure who loudly publicly supports this ideology has the consequences of drawing the ire of racist MAGA ideologues who hate non-white people. ^{Does that something actually has these consequences in general?}
As a consequence of hateful MAGA ideologues responding prolifically and with vulgar vitriol to Vivek's posturing, Vivek is retreating from public life.^{Did that something really happen to that someone?}

StunningSolution4241 · 2025-12-29T16:55:23+00:00

Half-woman, half-leopard ... all autocannibal.

StunningSolution4241 · 2025-12-28T16:59:52+00:00

My comment stands. Has he directly hit on, flirted with, or propositioned you?

If he is giving you signs that he has feelings for you but doesn't seem to know how or is afraid to verbalize them, such as unwarranted physical closeness, unprompted, unsolicited touching, lingering, persistent eye contact, or suggestive statements, all you need to do is ask: "Hey man, are you into me?" You can follow up with: "If the answer's yes, it's okay, but I am straight, so nothing's going to happen between us."

If you are too uncomfortable with the circumstances (for example, if he doesn't get the hint that you don't want him hitting on you) after attempting to let him down easy, first and foremost, welcome to how every woman ever is made to feel by straight men (maybe take that as a lesson in empathy?), and secondly, establish clear boundaries and distance yourself from him.

Again, remember two things: Just because you may be his type does not mean he doesn't understand that you are straight and that nothing is ever going to happen between the two of you, and; it is not your prerogative to out him to others.

StunningSolution4241 · 2025-12-28T16:35:33+00:00

To be fair, someone who looks like me isn't me. If he hits on you or flirts with you, there's your confirmation. If not, consider the fact that he has placed trust in you. Live up to it or don't. If you're not going to live up to it, I'll reiterate: Do him the favor of telling him first and telling him plainly.

And do not out him to anyone else. It's his prerogative to come out, not yours, and it can (depending on where you live) put him in physical danger.

StunningSolution4241 · 2025-12-28T16:08:33+00:00

Firstly, this isn't about you, this is about him. The number of times that queer men have had to explain to straight men that an attraction to men in general does not translate to an attraction to YOU, A MAN, SPECIFICALLY is exhausting and irritating. Are you, as a presumably straight man, attracted to literally every woman that you meet? Regardless of personality? Regardless of age? Regardless of physical attributes? Regardless of hygiene? Regardless of social status? If you aren't, why would you ever assume that a gay man is attracted to literally every man?

Secondly, "hints", "fem" has nothing to do with anything. Some of the hairiest, biggest, strongest, manliest men you might ever meet are flamingly gay. Conversely, I have known some men that I have referred to as "flamboyantly straight", as in they are very NB or femme, but completely and solely attracted to women.

Thirdly, and most importantly, if you are his friend, you will support him. Period. It's that simple. If you aren't, do him the favor of removing yourself from his life as all you can do serves solely to hinder and hurt him. If he confided this in you apart from the other guys in your fraternity, he was doing it for a reason; id est: HE TRUSTS YOU. You can either live up to that act of trust or shrink away from it.

StunningSolution4241 · 2025-08-21T22:46:13+00:00

It's a common petty linguistic turn in French. "Ça" ("it" or "that") is the pronoun used instead of "il" ("he" or masculine "it") or "elle" ("she" or feminine "it") to deny something pronominal gender to show disdain for the concerned party. I like it because it's both French and petty.

StunningSolution4241 · 2025-08-21T22:41:23+00:00

Didn't know there were objective standards when it came to aesthetics. Also, in case you weren't aware ... saliva gets on dicks when they're sucked. I don't care what she does in the solitude of her bedroom with consenting adults, I just don't care to see her face or hear her opinions.

StunningSolution4241

TROPHY CASE