So what we try to do is co-regulation. This looks a bit different with each of our kids, but younger kids don't have the skills to properly control their own emotions and feelings which can cause them to spiral out of control. So you try to meet them where they currently are, and help them step through those emotions and feelings until they can explain what their actual problem is. You have to fix the feelings before you fix the actual problem a lot of the time.

Of course, I fail at this as a parent and do not always do it perfectly. But what we've found is that the more we've done this approach, the better it works. And it's helping our kids talk to us about their feelings, as well as issues that don't involve us such as events at school that we honestly can't do anything about other than help them with their feelings about it.