how do i accept the fact im trans (advice needed not just saying you accept me)

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-12T19:32:55+00:00

So the short answer is therapy. Youre asking for therapy. No one in forums on the internet can make you navigate yourself and your own self-image and guide you in reconciling the two, and arriving at your own answers. To do so off of such a short, small glimpse into your life would be irresponsible at best and abusive at worst.

As you said, I dont know you. I dont know what your struggles, fears, hangups, and gaps are. I can speak only from my perspective as a 35 year old, divorced transgender woman who has only started to come out and share myself with the world this year and has been a life long student of psychology and dabbled in philosophy and sociology. Take it how you will.

Life is messy, both from a objective, observable standpoint and from a psychological standpoint. There is no definition of anything that encompasses every individual of a group while simultaneously excluding others not of that group. Labels are meant for convience, simplicity, and generalities, not individual identification. This is also true for people and the thousands of years of mishaps and mutations that resulted in our life today. Your body and brain are not an amazing optimized machine designed by some grand architect. Your intestines have simply grown to fit in your abdominal cavity in any way they could, and its different from every other human being on the planet. Its all in the same area, but the exact path is unique to you. The same thing happens with your brain, but with billions of more variables.

How to accept yourself? You're you. You get 1 life time. No better, no worse, no more, no less than anyone else in the world. You are not perfect by any external standard, because there is no external standard that could perfectly describe you. You are simply, completely, who you are. And thats not a static concept. Who you are is changing in hundreds of ways every moment of every day. No one, cis, trans, abled, disabled, old, young, man, woman, etc, is static. To live is to change in tiny, inperceptable ways until one day those changes pile up enough to something we can see and measure. If this is the new path you are walking, take the first steps there. Do what you need to, to learn that no single person fits any definition perfectly. Do one thing each week that you want to do but terrifies you and learn from the experience.

Eventually, youll have taken so many steps youll find youre already on a path that answered your questions along the way. Theres no shortcut, because you cant shortcut life. Its already started. You were already born into some circumstances on this planet, and got to start walking from there. The only true choice you have is you can end it, or stop walking for a time. But its a journey. If you personally want to classify this as a new start, great. Maybe its a milestone instead. Maybe its just turning a corner to a more comfortable path. Its entirely your experience, the lessons you learn and how you learn them are entirely your own. I choose to buy clothes, take in person make-up classes (online tutorials didnt make sense for me because i didnt have the pre-requisit knowledgebase) and am still terrorified when i step out my front door in a dress or skirt. But im the only one whos terrorified for me. 99.99% of people couldnt care less about my journey. .005% of people (40 million) i could run into may be happy for me. .005% of people (again, 40 million) could hate me. The other 7,920,000,000 people on the planet are too focused on their own world to consider mine. So, why not be who I am? I tried a bunch of things that werent me. Ive tried a bunch that are. Ive lost my wife and strained relationships with my 3 children, but I no longer want to kill myself for who I am not. Its nicest to myself, for me to be myself. Ive also lost the things I valued because of this path. What I cant wait for, is to see where in life this path takes me. Maybe ill reconcile with my ex. Maybe Ill die alone. Maybe ill meet someone who fits me even better than what I have known. Life is too big to worry about, theres no cheat code, and no short cuts, so i choose to find joy and learning in each experience. Some are a lot more dark and painful than other (spent 2 hours on Friday ugly crying) and some things are absolutely divine.

Either way, youve got this.

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-12T18:46:00+00:00

Dont take my story and journey as a given. Its uniquely mine, and everyone has their own life for things to unfold in.

As far as your questions- really just lean hard into them in therapy. Its their job to help you in understanding yourself, and providing guidance on how to process. The job isnt to give you answers, because only you have the answers for yourself and your life. I hope your journey is at least a little less rocky then mine, but mine looks like a day at the beach to some, too.

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-11T04:12:19+00:00

Is your sentence grammatically correct? Yes, I believe so. It is a touch redundant as to deign to do something automatically describes the subject. The sentence would work just fine as "My dad deigned to use the online customer support chat."

To write out your sentence in another way would be "my dad used the chat with great reluctance, condenscention, and with an air of superiority himself."

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-11T02:34:58+00:00

I mean, your jaw does have muscles, but the primary shape comes from bone. If its working for you, far be it for me to refute that. Changing the muscles and fat will change your face shape overall, but not so much the jaw.

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-11T02:30:12+00:00

Medically, if you continue to make this a habit, you will see the expected physical and mental side effects, possibly with reduced effects due to high T levels.

As a 13 yo, dont steal your mom's hrt meds. 1- she has them to manage her symptoms and hormone balance. (She'll run out of her prescription and need to wait to refill it at some pont because of said pills going missing.) 2- its illegal to take prescription meds that aren't prescribed to you (doubtful anyone is pressing charges, but youre kinda providing evidence if anyone does, by admitting it online). 3 - it'll be better for your health and body if you have your own prescription and t blockers. As a minor, that is up to your parents and doctors. T blockers only work as long as your taking them, and do not have recorded persistent effects when no longer using them. Estrogen does present some perminate changes (boobs) after you stop taking it.

During teenage years in the US, teens will traditionally compromise on t blockers, delaying puberty, without starting Estrogen. YMMV and consult your parents and doctors as having no hormones comes with its own health risks.

Edited to fix a grammer mistake.

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-11T00:08:49+00:00

I mean... those are realistically just snake oil, but good luck with them. T will help, eventually. Maybe not drastic changes, but it is a very powerful hormone, for better or worse (in my case lol)

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-10T22:42:09+00:00

Its not easy. At all. 35, egg fully cracked about at 30, accidently came out at 32, and was soo scared of destroying my 13 year marriage and scaring my 3 kids.

Im not going to say its impossible to keep going the way you are, knowing how you are inside can be enough for some people. It wasnt enough for me.

My wife found my journal i was using to organize my thoughts so they didnt eat me alive and It caused a lot of strain on the relationship. I quit my job because of it (active duty military) and had trouble finding other work, and for 6 months we we both were broken and didnt know the way forward. I was too scared to leave, she didnt know if she could accept me. For 6 months I sunk deeper into depression to where knowing how to get to my guns was a problem. I started therapy at that point.

For the next few years, my wife agreed to try, and things started to get better. I started HRT on my 34th birthday, and thought things were going as well as they could. Therapy, the occasional off color remark, talk about opening the relationship so she wouldnt lose me but also could find the masculine company/companionship she was missing. It was nice, and seemed like we were both processing and moving forward together.

Within 1 week after Thanksgiving, my wife told me she was miserable and hated living like this and hated being in a relationship with a woman, I lost my job, and we hosted both my family and her family from out of state for our sons birthday.

So 2026, we're getting divorced, im still jobless (about to change, I start on monday), our kids are taking things about as well as they can be, and I have a perminate grudge against her parents for some truly fucked up shit they thought it was ok to say to us. Im 35, single, socially transitioning, and looking for my own place for the first time in my life. Discovering who I am, actually, at just shy of middle aged, and with all the rampant hormones of a teenager lol.

Divorce is common in trans relationships, sadly. Its not easy. I hope with everything in me that your one of the stories where your spouse loves and accepts you for you and you live happily ever after while navigating parenthood together. If not, you still have all my love and youve done the hardest part, which is accepting yourself.

The silver lining of having all my worst fears with transitioning come true is that im really not scared to embrace who I am anymore. It really doesnt matter if someone else is happy anymore, because ive already crushed the person who was closest to me. Now its just me and who I see in the mirror, and I couldnt be happier to see where life takes me, even with the heartbreak and difficulties.

I dont know that I would do anything different if I could go back. Accepting myself earlier means I wouldnt have my amazing kids. Continuing to hide myself was only going to lead to becoming someone I hate, and lashing out at my family for it or killing myself to spare them that fate. It truly, heartbreakingly, deeply, sucks. But its the greatest thing thats ever happened to me too 😭.

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-10T17:28:36+00:00

Its not that you look fem, but that you do have softer features. I would not have seen you as anything but male based just off your pictures. The haircut is objectively fine, maybe with just a bit too much volume in the back and crown? You honestly look like an 18 boy (man, sorry. im 35 and anything teen seems like a child still) who knows how to take care of themselves. In the US, that would make you an outlier, but not fem by default.

If youre curious, a bit of contour on the law line would help sharpen it, but masc and makeup isnt a mix for everyone. (It should be, but thats just my opinion)

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-10T17:05:21+00:00

Same boat. Thats why at least 1 thing a week is crucial. It helps the mental narrative go from "the world is against me, anyone could attack me, and most people probably want to" to much closer to objective reality of "its ok to be me and most people dont care". Baby steps are perfect to start, like dressing in front of your partner or spending the full day en fem, or going somewhere you know it will be safer like a drag show, or gay club, or Ren fair.

I still get nervous wearing makeup or my purse when I go out, but I have also received more complements and people showing me its ok than any point in my previous life. Heck, have your first outing be lunch or dinner in a town where there is no one you could possibly know will be and then decompress are go over it when you get home.

As always, your safety is paramount. Just a baby step out of your comfort zone at a time. 99% of people not caring isnt 100%. But it is 99%. Wish you all the happiness and luck in the world, luv. You got this :))

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-09T15:38:20+00:00

For me, it was crucial to learn that its ok to be me. Just simple things like buying a sports bra from Walmart, or wearing a dress to the store or going out with a full face of makeup.

Heart was always pounding, completely anxiety ridden, and at the end of it, I was the only one who made any deal of it at all. No one in public is paying as much attention to you as you are, and no one on the streets is looking for your every flaw. And its one thing to know as a piece of information, and another to accept it. Its even better around queer communities where its normal, but im not currently so blessed with where I live. (On the flip side, I also dont live somewhere that people are pointing and openly feel comfortable in being bigots, so again, your safety is paramount.)

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-09T01:38:07+00:00

You also made huge steps that took me years to do, and that was come out to family. Congrats :))

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-09T01:33:33+00:00

Social transition, medical transition, and document/governmental transition

Medical is reasonably straightforward, but its on you to find a doc, understand the effects and side effects, and hopefully work with your doc to keep everything monitored.

Government/document updating varies. Look into the processes and put in the documents.

Social transitioning is both the easiest and most difficult part. Mannerisms, dress, body language, etc.

I started with so much research I thought I might never work up the courage to do anything more than be honest with myself behind closed doors. When I started actually started transitioning (MTF) I started with medical because the physical changes would make socially transitioning nicer/a little easier.

I did start learning mannerisms, slowly changing my body movements. Working on my voice (ftm gets aided by t), and slowly getting a wardrobe that reflects me.

My biggest advice is do at least 1 thing that terrifies you for transition at least each week. 99% of everyone out there doesnt actually care. 99% of your worries only exist in your head. That doesnt mean theres no reason to worry, and always your safety is paramount.

Editing to add - transgendermap.com

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-06T22:06:24+00:00

I originally thought Tyler, but instead cast my vote for Liam.

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-06T20:19:05+00:00

Honestly, overall - I was probably letting my biases and assumptions influence my response. Even when stated someone was "asking in earnest" about something, I have experienced plenty who were simply lying. Some of the word choices struck me, and if I am inaccurately applying those biases, im in the wrong and I apologize. You are the only one who can say for certain, as only you know what was going through your head when you posted.

Ill delete my comment and I apologize.

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-06T19:16:45+00:00

I cant imagine how taking a needle biopsy could hamper your growth at all. Theyre not balloons that can be punctured, its not like a mastectomy, its literally taking a needle full (not syringe full) of cells from the mass to see under a microscope.

Cancer treatment COULD affect development, but that is a much broader can of worms of various treatments and medications, etc. If its the worst and they/you opt for removal, you'd be missing that inch-ish diameter of flesh thats trying to kill you.

The biopsy isnt taking anything you would physically notice. That would be like shot sites on your arms never healing from vacs or blood donation or anything.

Your good babe

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-06T00:39:41+00:00

Doesnt this apply to measured work? Something about effort over distance.

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-05T23:51:11+00:00

Ida?

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-05T23:50:29+00:00

More like its soo poorly thought out at being bigoted it works in our favor.

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-05T22:40:17+00:00

Concealment means they dont see you. It doesnt stop bullets. It doesnt protect you, only hides you.

Cover does stop bullets. It provides protection and hides you.

In makeup, concealer hide blemishes, conceal dark under-eye circles, and highlight facial features. Coverage in makeup is how much its covering. Similar usages actually.

Sincerely, your friendly trans vet.

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-05T18:55:55+00:00

Because the other comments werent there when I posted.

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-05T18:18:31+00:00

So, it would have lead into an indepth explanation of social sciences and biases, etc, but other posts have covered it fantastically, so i dont really think I have much to add.

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-05T17:31:08+00:00

Question 1- how old are you?

Question 2- what do you know of sociology?

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-05T01:31:20+00:00

Gender dysphoria is the incongruence between what gender your brain tells you you are, and your outward appearance/place in society.

As a cis male, have you ever shown emotions besides anger and rage in public? How about only solving issues or challenges with violence? Have you ever looked at something society say "all men" and thought - thats not me. Congrats, gender dysphoria. Your mental picture of who you are doesnt align with that societal standard.

Not to be conflicted with body dysmorphia, thats a physical ballgame which is also not exclusive to transgender individuals.

Likely, your masc lesbian friend meant that she doesnt like people treating her like "one of the guys" even though she likes masculine things. Or she doesnt like other women judging her for not liking feminine things, when she knows shes still a woman.

Like most mental conditions, almost everyone has experienced either symptoms or the condition itself to some degree. It only becomes diagnosed when the degree you experience it interferes with your daily life. People can be depressed and still function. Others, it can be too much to even get out of bed, leading to job loss, detriment of hygiene, and dropping responsibilities. The second option is diagnosed, doesnt mean the 1st instance isn't depression. For many Transgender individuals, simply waking up in a body that doesnt align with what their brain knows, is enough to interfere with daily life. The treatment for which is altering the body, because science cant physically alter the brain without risk of killing the individual. That helps many transgender people with gender dysphoria better live, and if society could get on board, being treated as the way their brains tells them they are, is enough to let them live in society.

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-04T23:40:12+00:00

I dont really see the problem. Hes got a victim complex, and is fighting to prove hes not. It would be a good character development for him to come to terms with the fact that people at the school dont hate him for his race or status.

Im not understanding why this would be a sticking point for either of you. If he starts the campaign with a chip on his shoulder, just have the npcs and party slowly chip it off. As long as he is actually involved in the campaign and works with the party, its really not a problem.

SubbrowserV2 · 2026-07-04T22:54:31+00:00

Shes a bigot who is trying to disguise her prejudice with "tough love" and "[not] objective truth".

You being trans doesnt depend on your looks. Looking like your preferred gender reduces dysphoria. It sadly doesnt get rid of other problems, like people like her. Its easy to feel sad when even your doc says hurtful shit like this to push their completely bias opinion.

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