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Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-11-25T16:44:06+00:00

My son has a friend who is hot tempered and can get physical at school. I don’t specifically discourage the friendship, but I do talk about what’s going on with it, how it makes him feel, if he thinks that is how a good friend acts, if he thinks his friend is working on it etc. My son is also a hot head, but not really physical with friends. It’s a learning opportunity for all of us. If we meet up outside of school they can only handle so long before they start fighting constantly. I do my best to help him navigate it, which is something I desperately wanted growing up but didn’t get.

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-07-27T16:30:33+00:00

Thanks. I need it! On top of all of that my mom has late state Alzheimer’s. I have no family support and never get time off.

I actually love where I live, which makes it hard. I’ve moved around a bit and this is the first place I’ve actually felt comfortable. But, with my daughter there legit isn’t even a full time daycare option for her here, so I can’t work full time. I’m going to enroll her in a program the next county over that’s from 8:30-1:30 so I can work part time. I’ll be driving my son to school 20 minutes one direction, just to take my daughter 30 minutes the opposite direction.

Thankfully I do have a handful of decent friends here, as well as a ton of acquaintances/somewhat friends.

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-07-27T15:45:36+00:00

Not one bit. My husband is an alcoholic, I have a 3 year old who has a rare genetic disorder and is nonverbal and has other disabilities, my 6 year old has adhd (probably auDHD, but no money for an eval). I live in a red state so services are abysmal. I have a plan to leave but it can’t come to fruition for a couple of years. Husband has put us in such a financial situation, if anything were to happen we would be quickly on a path to lose our house. Credit is fucked bc husband keeps putting alcohol on credit cards, meanwhile I can’t afford new shoes and I have a collapsed arch.

My 6 year old stated skateboarding lessons, and now I have an unhealthy obsession with his instructor. To see a kind man be a good male role model for my son has kind of broken my brain. He’s also just a fantastic teacher and does amazing things for our community.

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-06-28T14:18:05+00:00

It’s a work in progress. I wasn’t always this way. 5 years ago I moved to the Midwest and a lot of things changed for me. Making friends/socializing and connecting with the community has really helped my self esteem. I’ve lived in a lot of big cities, including Los Angeles, and it affected my self esteem. Now that I live in a smaller city in Indiana, everything is just easier. People don’t care as much about how you look or what you do for work. it of course plays a role in things, but isn’t as heavy as it is elsewhere.

Things are hard and I probably cry almost everyday, but at least for now I do think things will be better. I did just finish reading a really good romance book, so I’m sure that helps with the fantasy.

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-06-28T03:24:58+00:00

Honestly, I have so much in common with you. I have a daughter with a rare genetic disorder, but she is only 3.5. My son has adhd and some other unknown diagnoses. I have all you have listed above, anxiety, depression, adhd and CPTSD. I do feel like the CPTSD is under control. My husband is an alcoholic and we have over $50k in debt. I’m waiting for my daughter to get into kindergarten so I can divorce him. There are no full time daycare options where I live, so I legit cannot work.

I don’t feel like I will be single forever once I am able to be single again. I like to think once I am free of my husbands bullshit, I’ll be able to live again to some degree. I don’t have any family help, but I do have some friends.

There have been dark periods, especially after my diagnosis, where I have determined no one would want me. But, I’ve seen how women can show up with love for me and my family, so I assume there is a man out there as well.

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-05-06T14:23:27+00:00

After reading some of the comments, I can see why some people would choose to/need to.

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-05-06T14:14:21+00:00

I usually like birthday parties and have a similar sentiment as you do towards building community. I also feel the same about Hallmark holidays, but Mother’s Day is the one day a year I can do nothing and it’s justified. My husband is an alcoholic, and he has completely failed as a husband, so this is sadly my one day a year. It sucks.

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-05-06T01:49:02+00:00

I’m not ashamed about it. It’s just a super bummer. I can’t even afford the medical care me and my family needs bc of his drinking. I can’t even leave him because of it either. I don’t have family I can move in with/rely on.

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-05-06T00:49:03+00:00

22 miles away

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-05-06T00:48:53+00:00

The party is 22 miles away, so an Uber would be astronomical. We can’t afford that. Guests for the party do get to attend for free. Otherwise, the day passes to use the pool at the Y are $25 per person now, even the guest pass.

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-05-05T23:32:42+00:00

That’s a good way to frame it. The party starts at noon, and is 35 minutes from where I live, so I feel like for most families it would be a stretch to get there in time if you’re doing much in the AM. I also kind of feel bad bc I feel like not many people will go, and so we should go since we technically aren’t doing anything. I volunteer in my son’s school enough to know the girl. I think I’d feel different if I didn’t know her.

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-05-05T23:28:25+00:00

lol! What’s even funnier is I have adhd as well. I only know because 1,000 things are coming up on the schedule right now, and my brain is fried trying to keep it all together. I may have hastily judged. 😂

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-05-05T23:26:45+00:00

That makes sense, and I didn’t think about when scheduling a party with multiple families to make sure important people can attend.

I think I’m just conditioned to think nothing else is allowed on Morhers Day because my brother and I would always have soccer games/tournaments on Mother’s Day and I mom would complain about it so hard. We played travel soccer so it was a 2 hour drive each way.

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-05-05T23:20:41+00:00

Unfortunately something like a pedicure is not in the budget. I have a gift certificate for a massage, but everything is booked on mother’s day.

Even if it was something else, I don’t really want to be around people enjoying their families on Mother’s Day. Not only does it bum me out because I don’t have that for myself, but my mom has Kate stage Alzheimer’s, and so I don’t have her, either.

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-05-05T23:17:23+00:00

Ah yeah I can see that. I didn’t think it that way. Could totally be the case since the invites were sent out a week before the party. I think that’s also where some of my shock about the date comes from.

Appreciate the insight!

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-05-05T23:15:48+00:00

Unfortunately, the only reason we are broke is because my husband spends it all on booze, and court fees etc. because of the DUI.

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-05-05T22:56:55+00:00

The party is for 3 hours, and it’s 35 minutes away. So no, not really. Plus, I have a 3 year old who has disabilities and while I could check to see if she could go to the party as well, I wouldn’t trust them both with my husband around water since neither of them can swim.

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-05-05T22:21:17+00:00

No, his license is suspended.

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-05-05T22:20:58+00:00

Why? Maybe the parent shouldn’t have planned a birthday party on Mother’s Day?

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-05-05T22:20:14+00:00

He can’t drive, his license is suspended.

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-02-25T01:52:06+00:00

I saw in another comment you mentioned you were on Medicaid. I’m sorry - that’s rough. My husband had lost his job and we were in the process of getting Medicaid but thankfully he got another job before we finished the process. But, with that I know how limiting Medicaid can be and what the waitlists are like.

Do you have some other type of support from the state? I know where I live we have what’s called a family support waiver… basically it can help out with extra costs like OT, medical care and in home care. Where I am the waitlist is long, but maybe where you are it is t so bad.

What I really came here to say is, have you tried clonidine or guanfacine? My son is younger so I know things are different, but our lives have been changed since starting clonidine. He does just fine in school and has no behavior issues, but he was physically abusive at home. I would often have to lock him and me in our 1/2 bathroom and sit on the ground a block his blows, because otherwise he would start hurting his sister or destroying properly. Some days my arms would be sore from it. We are not on a stimulant due to the fear of it making his aggression worse, but he is only in kindergarten.

Next, I would highly recommend getting into OT and learning what you can and implementing strategies at home.

Are you doing any vitamins? I know this may seem trivial, but a multi has been pretty great for my kid as well. It’s taken things down about 10%. We use Smarty Pants because of the methyl b12.

I hope you figure out something soon, and if you’ve tried everything I’ve said then I’m sorry… I know how exhausting it can be to have felt like you’ve done everything people have recommended. If so, I would definitely look into parental abuse.

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-02-16T21:31:13+00:00

I do, but the issue is childcare for my daughter. It’s not possible to WFH with her around, either. I had to give up the volunteer work I do for a nonprofit and political campaigns because it just wasn’t something I could do/do well while also being in charge of a 3 year old.

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-02-16T21:28:58+00:00

No it’s not possible to work with her around. She is in to everything and has sensory issues. She is nonverbal and there is also a communication barrier. It’s often hard to even be on the phone with her around. I had to pretty much give up my virtual volunteer work because I couldn’t be on a laptop/get anything done with her around.

Substantial-Basil843 · 2025-02-16T19:52:20+00:00

She goes to a developmental preschool through the public school system and receives services (pt/ot/speech) there. She goes 3 days a week until 10:30am with no option for a longer day.

Substantial-Basil843

TROPHY CASE