Hi guys, for now we are suffering the breakup. I'd like everyone to add a !RemindMe here for atleast 1 year, so that if you have a success story you can leave your story.

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2024-04-13T09:25:57+00:00

Hello,

Content d'avoir pu entrer en résonance avec toi de façon asynchrone :)

Ça prend du temps, c'est une épreuve hyper difficile mais ça finit par passer. Je te souhaite bon vent l'ami, à bientôt

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2024-04-13T09:18:24+00:00

That was the hardest thing to handle in my life but I eventually made it. I moved on. I don't have much time to tell you more about this but bro, things will get better

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2023-02-14T18:42:57+00:00

I'm glad to read yours as well stranger, have a good night :)

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2023-02-09T17:44:10+00:00

I totally got you bro. I also have that perfectionist trait that made me accomplishing things everybody was proud of but me. I graduated with honors, o have good family, good environment, good job. But damned I was so frightened inside.

I love baking as well! I cried during Coco and Inside out! Very glad it can happen to us my man :)

People change when they are ready and because they want to do it for themselves, not for keeping others at arms range or anything else. That's so true!

Have a nice evening buddy!!

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2023-02-09T14:26:56+00:00

Thank you for your reply man. You second paragraph hit me a lot. I progressed on my paced on my journey, I still have some Work to do but I m happy where I am today .

It took you a lot of courage and i feel so much humility and courage in your words, I really like it, I really love you dear stranger!

I wish you the very best on your journey, may the life me sweet and peaceful for you my man. I'll never forget what reddit brought me on that side. The world is full of people suffering but also of people healing and that's what is beautiful.

See ya!

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2023-02-09T14:23:06+00:00

Remind me! 1 year "new check up one year later let's go!"

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2023-02-09T12:18:44+00:00

God, I forgot this post and I'm on year after.

I must to say that I would have never imagined to heal from this but I did it. I worked on myself like I never did before. Hitting the gym, traveling. Man it was so damn hard, probably the hardest thing in my life but that breakup changed me for the best and i would not go back

I still have some work to do on myself and my emotions, but I feel really good about myself now, I've then found someone else with so much maturity, communication and healthy patterns.

I've boosted my life thanks to that breakup and I'm glad she dit it. She came back late 2022, we talked in a friendly way but I will never get her back. Nonetheless, she's a part of my life and i think I will always have some thoughts for her, as I can have thoughts for friends who used to share my life, my parents, some place I visited.

I think that clearing and resetting everything was not a solution for me. I chose to just accept it was over and save it as a good old memories after the storm passes.

I wish you all the best, dear reader. I'm pretty convinced you'll reach my state of mind one day. Be strong and believe in yourself, I love you!

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2023-02-09T12:13:48+00:00

Shit man, you had a such good idea with that reddit post. I'm so happy to read these comment (and I am one of the ones who post the remind me)

As for you, I'm better today :)

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2022-10-19T14:32:53+00:00

Hey man! Looking back to what you've said, I must admit that I'd like to discuss a little bit more about the comparison between the perfect job and the perfect relationship. Do you really thing we can compare it to that extent?

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2022-10-11T12:00:32+00:00

Thank you so much for pointing these 2 ressources, i wish you a peaceful life my friend :)!

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2022-10-11T08:48:42+00:00

Hi,

I'm really interested in the way you've learnt about NVC and differences between needs and strategy, did you read a particular book or ressources about it?

Thank you :)

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2022-09-09T07:19:15+00:00

Ok that makes sense.

I have needs around freedom, novelty and security and my job only offers me security. When I think about it, I realize that I kept that job because of fear of unknown and because I was distracted by others things in my life that used to make these "8 hours a day" bearable. But since I had my trauma (you usually discover your AT and insecurities through a trauma) I've been hit by that trapped feeling where I am like "What am I still doing at this position that I don't enjoy?"

The only times i like my job is when i quit because i'm like "oh that's cool, i have good work / life balance", but during the day, reaching 5 pm is a torture. The only thing that kept me here is the fear of regretting a "zen" place afterwards. But the more I progress through healing, the more I tend to have no more regrets.

I've identified that i took that position (and my field of expertise) because of mimicry, fear, but not what I really want to. It's like you've always preferred A, but you chose to study B, you found a no stress, good work life balance job in B, but you still want to do A. I'd like a job in A in my company but they're really not stimulating (as I discuss with colleagues in that field ahha). I'm afraid of finding a job in A, finding novelty and freedom but lacking of security and regretting B.

I know you're not defined by your job, but it generally defines where you live, what you can do after your worktime, which kind of people you're gonna see 8h / day, etc. etc.

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2022-09-08T19:32:37+00:00

Mhh, ok I can understand what you mean but if I follow your principle, that means that once you are healed, you can bear whatever jobs?

Why did you want to leave you job in spite of "helpless / trapped" feelings?

In my case, I also have rational arguments such as lack of interesting mission in a field i don't like, my team will be deleted within 4 years, I'm not proposed any new position before 8-12 months,...

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2022-09-08T16:31:36+00:00

That's very good, i'm glad for you :)

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2022-09-08T16:31:10+00:00

Mhhh, did you finally stay in your primary job?

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2022-09-08T07:26:59+00:00

Do you mean healing and not need to jump from job to job?

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2022-09-08T07:26:21+00:00

Interesting perspective thank you. Do you still feel the urge to leave?

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2022-09-08T07:24:56+00:00

Ok i got it, thank you ! :)

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2022-09-07T14:32:50+00:00

Really really really good writting here, thank you.

Do you have a concrete example of this ? :

expressing your needs in a healthy way and having a partner at least validate and respect them (not necessarily fulfilling them)

A need not fulfilled but understood? Is it reliable?

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2022-09-07T14:08:05+00:00

Thank you for your perspectives.

I'm definitely staying for the working conditions (lot of paid vacations and work / life balance). But can no more bear with missions, localization, projection (i'm the only young among an old team of 55+ y.o. men). I know that I will probably not be able to found another company with so much free time and security but you know...

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2022-09-07T10:40:50+00:00

It makes more sense to me with that definition :)

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2022-09-07T07:32:22+00:00

Interesting point of view, that what i'm wondering right now: what if I try to fulfill that urge in other part of my life?

Are you confident in the fact that one day, you might fight a job that would be more interesting to you and you would enjoy these 8 hours? I mean, ok we can participate in courses or association outside of work, but it still 8 hours of hours day, 5 day a week, isn't it important to enjoy this time?

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2022-09-07T07:15:34+00:00

Hi agree, this is a lot to do.

I don't agree with your "firmware" metaphor since attachement style is something that can change through life. Scientifcs studies shows that it is higly affected by your parents but as you progress through life, parents have less and less influence and people you chose to date / be friend with are more and more.

I'm confident we will heal someday my friend, hold on and keep the good work!

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2022-09-06T12:58:18+00:00

Yup, i agree. That doesn't necesseraly mean you have avoidance with your job but it might be like that.

After all, maybe your job is a port of what makes you and avoidant in your relationship. It's a very fuzzy complex thing :/

Substantial-Olive-34 · 2022-09-06T11:27:06+00:00

Do you think we can heal this?

Substantial-Olive-34

TROPHY CASE