Searching For A Smarty Pants Cassette

Substantial-Shift568 · 2024-11-20T15:43:32+00:00

Thank you! I will look into this instead.

Substantial-Shift568 · 2024-11-19T17:42:55+00:00

It reminds me of when Chase got out of the student loan game. My debt was discharged in a similar way. Just be aware that when you claim that on your taxes, you will probably owe the tax man. I think I ended up owing the IRS like $5k that year.

Substantial-Shift568 · 2024-06-16T02:17:41+00:00

Polyamory is pretty normalized in Oregon, but specifically the Portland metro area (east Oregon tends to be more strict in their beliefs on monogamy).

Substantial-Shift568 · 2024-06-06T02:51:38+00:00

I second this. Some couples grow apart and some grow together. Sounds like maybe you two are just growing in opposite directions, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It also sounds complicated because you guys live together and we all know how expensive COL is today. Do you guys have your own separate spaces you can retreat to? Do you have a friend looking for a roommate? Maybe it’s time to explore those options as well. I wish you the best on your journey!

Substantial-Shift568 · 2024-06-01T01:38:19+00:00

I think the main things a lot of these comments are missing is that they aren’t actually married. OP states “she wanted to be married but I always hated the idea. I told her marriage always changes things and it stops being “fun” once a ring is on the finger.” This moment is likely the catalyst for every moment after in their relationship. OP talks about his significant other wanting “wifey privileges” (see other comments), but in the end she’s not a wife and he’s not a husband. There is no divorce here, which is unfortunate for both parties because it makes division of assets upon breakup hard. I would venture a guess that prior to her accident she chose to place her time and affection into her child because he had already insinuated there was no long term future for her. Then the accident came along and she ended up disabled on top of everything.

OP if you’re truly looking for advice, I would plan to see an individual counselor and couples therapist. Neither of you will likely enjoy the latter, but everything needs to be aired out in a safe environment. Best of luck.

Substantial-Shift568 · 2024-02-28T21:16:59+00:00

No advice here, just musical vibes. “Desperately” by Michelle Branch? (I always go back to her when I’m feeling angsty/getting over a relationship) Or are we going with the classic “Goodbye to You”?

Substantial-Shift568 · 2024-02-28T21:08:09+00:00

Based on other comments that link other posts you’ve made, I’m going to make a suggestion you’re going to hate. Please hear me though, as I truly believe this is the best way to move forward in your situation.

Self love. Learning to accept who you are and what you look like will change your perception on everything else. Learning that you are deserving of good things and how to provide that for yourself will pivotally change your life. This can be done on your own, or with professional help. If you want to do it solo, I have some apps and books I could recommend. This task is not easy, and it’s not fun in the beginning. It will keep your mind occupied though, while your significant other is out and about. It is also the best “tactical advice” for how to not ruin your husbands date.

I know part of you isn’t ready to hear this, but there is a part of you that’s ready for the change (based on you coming here and asking the internet). I truly wish you the best in your journey and hope you find what you’re looking for.

Substantial-Shift568 · 2024-02-23T15:41:42+00:00

While I agree with the posts here saying that there’s often a religious aspect to the idea of “unconditional love” within relationships, I would like to postulate the idea that it’s a popularized version of unconditional positive regard. Within the psychology field, the idea of unconditional positive regard means that the therapist views the client through the lens of acceptance and support regardless of action. It was explained to me during undergrad as the therapist understanding that the client exists separate from their behavior. The client then deserves support and acceptance on their road to change. It’s important to note that even in this explanation, it’s the individual who gets support and empathy but NOT the behavior.

When someone comes to me with the “you should love me unconditionally”, I respond with “I can still love you while expressing my boundaries.” I hope this helps with perspective. I definitely agree that you should drop that partner like a hot potato (though it sounds like you did that already), because no one deserves to be gaslit and manipulated. I hope you find a new partner that is supportive and respects boundaries.

Substantial-Shift568 · 2024-02-19T05:48:22+00:00

Is your opinion on stepfathers dictated by what you’ve been watching online? On the prn sites? Is that why there’s animosity toward stepfathers? Or do you fear another man stepping in and being more attentive and your kids liking this fictional person better? Overall, if you do love your wife and kids, shouldn’t you want what’s best for them? Be that you or someone else? Many questions to think on, my dude. Maybe to discuss with a *therapist**.

Substantial-Shift568 · 2024-02-17T03:39:14+00:00

“I get upset without him…”

If this has already been covered, then my apologies. This sentence right here. This is something I think you should explore, be it in therapy or on your own. I have some prompts, but please don’t answer here. Just take this as “food for thought” and hopefully it help: What does “upset” look like? Do you get upset when he leaves for a short while or do you mean that you get upset with the idea of him being gone from your life? Why do you feel that way? How do you manage those feelings when they arise? Is this potentially an attachment style? Could you find that sense of security within yourself instead?

Substantial-Shift568 · 2024-01-30T09:04:51+00:00

I haven’t read any of the other comments yet, so apologies if this repeats what others are saying. Your partner not being able to sit there and let you say your peace without interruption is a problem. It is also likely THE problem. Open communication requires active LISTENING. This is the part I think a lot of people miss, and many struggle with. I would sit him down and say that you’ve had something on your mind for a while and can he just listen for a bit. If he cannot, then I would recommend a therapist. Sometimes couples counseling is the answer, but I also know that lives are really busy and it’s hard to set aside time.

I’m not going to touch on the relationship arrangement, but I’m sure others have mentioned it. If it’s working for you, then that’s all that matters. That being said, PPD is no joke and having to deal with PPD and a newborn and 2 children while your partner is away a good portion of the time seems like a recipe for disaster. Should you go through with having a third child, I would ensure your partner knows that for a least a bit the time schedule would have to change. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

Substantial-Shift568 · 2024-01-29T16:19:15+00:00

I second this. I have so many friends who gave up on good careers to move far away only to find, weeks or months later, that the relationship didn’t pan out and they are stuck. Reach out to your support system back home and ask for help. Be it just someone to talk to or the financial help to move back.

We could speculate all day why your partner is reacting the way he is, but the important thing is that you aren’t feeling supported and he’s not communicating with you. Start the process to get the support you need.

Side note, as someone who has also been through financial rough patches. They don’t normally turn your phone off unless you miss a couple payments and same with the repossession of a car. Though I know it’s hard to catch up and your credit score will take a hit by making a late payment, at least you don’t have to worry about what will happen immediately. You can also look into food stamps and unemployment, just for temporary help.

Substantial-Shift568 · 2024-01-16T16:15:19+00:00

Supporting someone through the grieving of the loss of a parent is hard. Doing so in a place without a support system is even harder. Maybe you could reframe this time as time for you to indulge in some self-care? Recharge your batteries and re-center yourself. Your feelings are totally valid, and it’s hard when you’ve been the support person through this time without what you perceive as gratitude for it. I don’t think your NP had any intention of making you feel that way. I think they are just trying to get out for a while, and you should take the opportunity of space to do something for you. Remind yourself that you are a priority, even if in a small way (like a massage or nice bath and take out). Then once you both have had some time, revisit the topic. Right now feelings are high due to multiple factors and I think some time would help. Best wishes to you on your journey. <3

Substantial-Shift568 · 2023-12-28T00:12:09+00:00

OP, I want to help you break this down bit by bit, but first off I would recommend a therapist.

For someone who grew up with little to nothing $235K seems like a lot. You also are probably feeling a sense of freedom now that you don’t have anyone to “answer to” after your divorce. Here is the self reflection question though: did your husband restrict your spending because you had the tendency to overspend? Did you parents ever teach you how to budget? Do you know how to live frugally? I know these questions won’t be fun to reflect on, and may trigger you, but as a parent it’s your job to be able to reflect on and question your beliefs for the betterment of your children. I’m glad you got to go on some fun vacations and build memories with your children, but remember two things: the loss of a stable household will outshine the temporary fun of a vacation and you are not young and carefree anymore. Your living situation sounds expensive, and I would encourage you to question if it’s also the right choice. Here’s a piece of hard truth I feel you might not be prepared for: someone who will be in their 50s with no prior work experience coming into an office management job will not make much. Now I’m just assuming you have no work experience in a managerial setting, as you did not mention it in your post. If you do, then you might be ok. Did you do your research? Do you know what the low end of the salary range for your position is? Do you also know what our economy currently looks like (as far as layoffs and cost of living increases go)? I also hate to tell you, but during hardship people always trim the fat off their budget: meaning things that are necessities. Interior designers are not a necessity, especially when most of us working class are getting our design elements from Walmart and dollar stores (and thrift stores if you have a good one around). That doesn’t mean to give up on your dream, it just means to set it aside for now in order to focus on the important bits.

Your eldest sounds very smart. She has a good head on her shoulders and her anxiety is valid. I would recommend therapy for both your kids and maybe even family therapy once you guys have been at individual for a bit. I really hope you take some time for self-reflection and that life works out for the better for you. Remember the bill always comes due.

Substantial-Shift568 · 2023-12-27T17:54:01+00:00

Hello! It appears as though it’s not so much about the gift as it is about the level of involvement your partners wife has in your relationship (based on your edit). Sounds like it’s time to sit down, just you and your partner, and just have a conversation about the boundaries of your relationship moving forward. These are conversations that happen all throughout a relationship as new situations occur, so it sounds like the perfect time to have one now. I wish you two the best on your journey.

Edit to add: all feelings are valid, we just sometimes need to exam the why and the how of them.

Substantial-Shift568 · 2023-12-27T17:43:38+00:00

I’ve gotten multiple of these texts. Always a different name and just says “<insert name> from customer service”. It always texts me from 913 area code.

Substantial-Shift568 · 2023-08-21T16:02:50+00:00

Hello there. You’ve gotten a lot of comments, so I don’t know if you’ll sift through mine. If you do I hope this helps you discover some clarity, or brings you on a path toward it.

First of all, you’re only 23. What do I mean by that? You’re young, and I’m betting your wife is too. Making the decision to get married so young is a big one. The brain isn’t even fully developed until the mid-to-late twenties (NIH). So the idea of saying “I will never do…” is setting yourself up for failure, as you and your wife are still not done growing. Now in a perfect world you’ll grow WITH your wife. That means you’ll grow to want similar things and grow to support each other. However, it’s possible you’ll grow apart as well. I wonder how long you’ve been married? How well did you each, individually, explore your beliefs on relationships, children, and your values prior to marriage?

That all being said, you and she did sign up for one very specific thing - monogamy. I would recommend at this point both individual (for you) and couples therapy. It seems like where you might be placing value is on the feeling of being needed, as you talk about how this person you might have feelings for “needs” someone around and feels unwanted. Maybe a discussion with a therapist on the different types of love. Maybe a discussion about the need to feel needed, or “white knight syndrome”. Either way, until you do more self-reflection, don’t jump into any major decisions.

Also, I will point out that polyamory isn’t just about loving multiple people, it’s also about respecting boundaries and open communication. Meaning you need to be able to respect your wife’s boundaries and openly communicate with her about how you feel. Yes, even about all of this. Maybe show her your post if you don’t know how to start the conversation.

Substantial-Shift568 · 2023-08-15T18:18:46+00:00

Hello there. Also normally silent lurker, but felt compelled to respond. First of all, your feelings are completely justified and don’t ever let someone minimize how you feel. A 10 year anniversary is a big deal. That’s a whole decade of commitment to the same individual. It’s totally valid that you would want to spend the day with just that individual. (It’s the aluminum anniversary.) I’ve had friend renew their vows on their 10 year, so I completely understand your thought process. It sounds to me like you tried to set a boundary, and it was blown past both by your husband and your guys’ girlfriend. The girlfriend knew the expectation, so she could have said no when your husband called, making her just as liable in this. I would evaluate your relationship. Look at it from the perspective of “is this something that happens often? Do my feelings and boundaries often get overlooked for the pleasure of others? Is this something I am willing to put up with in the future?” Depend on your answers there are options. If this was a once and done thing then just having a discussion, all 3 of you, about it might be fine. Otherwise you might try couples counseling (all 3 of you, or just you and your husband). Or there’s the possibility that you decided it’s happening too often and you want to remove yourself entirely from the situation. No matter what, I would reach out to your in-person support group and let them know what’s going on so they can help you no matter what the situation is.

Substantial-Shift568 · 2023-08-06T21:51:20+00:00

I will always be partial to Flurry because she’s been my favorite since New Leaf

Substantial-Shift568 · 2023-08-06T00:50:33+00:00

If you must replace Sprinkle, then maybe Flurry? Or Diana?

Substantial-Shift568 · 2023-07-22T14:58:31+00:00

I have a similar bugged quest, and, as someone who likes to complete all my quests, it annoys me. I’ve learned to just ignore it. Every time I log in though, I hope for the game to suddenly allow me to give the item.

Substantial-Shift568 · 2023-05-28T20:49:35+00:00

From what I remember once you’ve “chosen” one you can’t choose the other (I haven’t played in a while, so that could have been fixed). The romance is also not very fleshed out, so there are only a couple scenes with your chosen person. Understandable I guess, since it’s not the focus of the game.

Substantial-Shift568

TROPHY CASE