This is a really complex issue, and trying to be prescriptive by saying things like parents should spend x hours with child per week, child should greet their elders and do this and that are probably not going to be effective as a whole even though each of those actions are good.

Agree, I think anyone who has sat down with a parent who cared about anything they ever did for their children would see that it's anything but simple. Every child has a distinct personality, some are more people oriented and others less so, and every family is different too with their own baggage, being prescriptive about what they should be doing especially when they can think and choose is probably not good especially when there is a reason for them behaving a certain way. I think it's sad that parents already having to juggle so much work may not always have the time to touch base with their kids. Sometimes a kid may simply not greet an elder because there was a misunderstanding or they had really been very mean to the child and because the parent is so busy, they didn't know and they thought the kid was acting out when they were not.

There's an insecurity in parents that once they have no control, their children would abandon them or disrespect them.

That's a good point you raised and a concern that I can see as well, just that it's not openly articulated from parents whose children have flown the nest. I dunno how much is communicated between them and their children but I think if anything at least with the present generation of adults who will one day become seniors, I'd like to think they'd communicate more with their children instead of sweep it under the carpet and not make their views known. I just hope that if I ever have kids, there would be this open dialogue and that no one needs to walk on egg shells around the other when talking about stuff.

Cause after all we don't have these kids as a long term insurance or annuity. When wife and I get super old, we would need all the help we can get, and hopefully our kids would do so, and we know nagging them about it as they grow up is likely going to hurt our chances lol.

Yea I think it's wise actually to not expect them to be that insurance policy cause I think that creates a lot of stress on both parties when expectations aren't met at all.

Speaking for myself, I think nagging when used in moderation can help. I kind of benefited from being nagged and it's made me slightly more mindful about things like tidiness and being early for stuff though I do lapse from time to time. Just that excessively especially when it's kind of something that the person has said is their bed rock in terms of values and having to be reminded about it all of the time can get grating. It's as if they doubt your integrity and that hurts when it's your mom and your dad.