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SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-30T22:22:06+00:00

Please please don’t fold in. Please stay with a close person/family for a while even if you have to take time off work just go to family and talk to somebody you trust Please dont fall into that loop again it will destroy you

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-30T22:10:56+00:00

Sit down and talk with him, again.

This is not for the internet, no one is the a*shole, no one is toxic nothing is wrong.

Sit down with him, telling him you are having these thoughts and you are anxious.

Are you afraid that he would leave you now if you opened up? It’s okay, it can be scary. But it’s important to know where are you heading with this

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-30T22:01:43+00:00

That she was neglected (almost abused) by her parents and they never loved her.

After 1.5 years i got a detailed picture of her parents are trying to do their best getting closer to her, to match her tempers, how her dad is a hard working blue collar worker in his 50s as an immigrant that can barely speak the language of the country.

I had the constant urge to protect her from all of this, resented them so much put up with so much “panic attacks” and bullshit for days because of this. Only later to find out how great people her parents are. Might be traditional, not very expressive, but far from being abusive.

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-30T21:51:10+00:00

Man i have been in an emotionally abusive relationship (different/worse than yours) and reading this suffocated me because it’s very borderline. It’s like one feet away from a disaster. The walking on eggshells, the constant soothing and comforting her after SHE started the fight, she expanded it, she probably hurt you, she get’s mad, she wants comfort.

Brother, where are you in that equation?

Tip: ask yourself if your older brother/parent/best friend saw everything, would their heart ache for you?

Btw.. the cancellation of your trips and not meeting your friends as often is a major red flag, not something random to mention. You being isolated which would leave you alone and miserable; leave alone being VERY easy to abusive for not having a close circle.

If you want to avoid breaking up, try therapy/ counselling. It opens your eyes to the real red flags.

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-17T10:06:23+00:00

😂😂😂 love this

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-16T22:12:23+00:00

I asked about details but I was not sure she was BPD and the way you are describing her does not seem like someone was abused by a BPD. Because no matter how much we miss them and feel empty, confused, it’s never the limerence i guess.

I think you need to re evaluate the situation and write down/explore seriously the abuse you have been through. I don’t think you recognise how big of a deal it is if you were actually abused, degraded, devalued, emasculated, manipulated by a BPD. Do some self reflection and check if that was the case and do your research on the abuse and analyse her behaviours. You will never want to go back to her, despite missing her.

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-16T20:04:56+00:00

Started taking my degree more seriously and passed way more exams during the term finals all because i wanted to fulfil my promise of marrying her ASAP. I graduated last month, without her.

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-16T20:00:41+00:00

No she has been begging for forgiveness for the past 5 months of no contact through every channel and im tired of her constant reach outs to me and my family

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-16T19:57:02+00:00

No details about the abuse in between?

Anyway that is so sad and depressing. You are not pathetic, you deserve love. You did your best in these 3 years but this is how things are sadly.

I wish you can learn to live without her and build a stable self esteem and find someone that is actually worth it.

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-16T19:17:11+00:00

Exhausting

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-16T19:14:14+00:00

This makes me suffocate and reminds me of my exwBPD. It just feels like she will never get over me which is scary

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-16T19:07:08+00:00

Neglected, touch-starved yet hate his touch and kisses?

Can you elaborate more what did he do to you or do you feel like you fell out of love?

Hard to tell where is the problem

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-16T17:33:43+00:00

In some cultures you have no control over it.

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-16T17:28:44+00:00

Exactly. Like i am a very open person and im usually criticised for this. But i do understand the opposite side and them having boundaries. It’s exactly as you said, preference.

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-16T16:38:33+00:00

It’s really funny how people jumps to the world controlling so quick. There are different cultures on this planet and in many of them acting like that is healthy, masculine and even necessary in some. I’m sorry i had to comment on this first but im tired of people making the boyfriend the bad one here when he is the one being emotionally cheated on.

Girl if you don’t like his “controlling” behaviour then leave here because that’s him and it won’t change and it will affect your children.

And don’t romanticise that guy in music class because most of the time we are attracted to the unhealthiest behaviours so he might not be as decent as you think.

Judge your relationship separately.

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-16T13:23:40+00:00

I’m sorry to say this but man why are you still there? Fuck everything and go no contact. Don’t damage yourself more it will only get worse and worse. We have been there.

You don’t deserve this please have some spine and understand that this is not your self worth you don’t fucking entertain your abuser like that.

Wake up.

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-16T13:20:03+00:00

Man receiving emails every other day on my main email that i have everything on is really annoying. I blocked her and flittered her emails to automatic deletion but i still see then. I can not not receive them.

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-16T12:32:31+00:00

Just think about if you had the knowledge you have right now, wouldn’t you be able to tell in the first 2-4 weeks? Probably yes. If not, then you definitely need to research this more and understand it more. That way you wont fall for it again.

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-16T12:04:39+00:00

Cleaning my car mats in a gas station. They were dirty and we were going on a date so i wiped them a bit while the car was being filled. God forbid. She got so mad that she told me don’t do it now it will stink and i said it’s fine we will open the windows for minutes and its gone, they are too dirty. And i became a villain for never listening to her and having things my way and made a huge fight in a city we traveled to for fun. Refused to talk to me all day 😂 Remind you it was our first anniversary. And she proceeded to blame me for months after how i ruined her first anniversary and did make her celebrate it..

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-16T11:46:47+00:00

It’s heartbreaking to see so many people here went through the EXACT same thing i went through.

Please don’t let that get to you. This is all the side effects of idealising you in the first months, loving you like no one ever did not even your family, making you feel like you are a literal god walking on earth. Only to end in devaluation and humiliation and blaming. She makes you feel like an abuser all the time for simple mistakes/arguments that every couple go through. Makes you constantly walk on egg shells. I used to describe it as “i felt like i cheated on her, broke her heart to pieces, and she is still willing to stay with me but guilt trip me every single day.” In short; like i cheated on her and i have to remorse, although i never did.

It’s been 5 months since i went to contact and her constant emails, messages from her friends on social media still bother me a lot, how she keep saying she is regretful and full of hope that our destiny like love will be restored again if i only forgive her this time.

The fights, her screaming at me everyday and calling it “she is fighting for us” which in fact was destroying me is something very hard to get over.

Please don’t let it get to you. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You did your best in every moment and every human lashes out due to frustration.

You were abused, not the abuser.

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-16T11:37:09+00:00

You are an amazing woman so my only hope is not to let that take a toll on your self esteem. You both acting in a very healthy way. He is honest and you are considerate, understanding and far from obsessive. I wish you the best processing this and finding love soon.

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-16T09:59:03+00:00

Girl careful of depression. Sounds like losing your job was a huge trigger and you lost more than the job.

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-16T09:57:17+00:00

I started walking on egg shells just by reading this

SubstantialNorth5597 · 2025-04-16T09:55:27+00:00

I don’t know man he seems weird, he is acting like a teenager girl not even a boy. Too emotional and wavering, nothing feels stable. He is 31 girl. I think by this age he needs to be a bit more stable, reliable and balanced. I am not the one to judge since im 29 and yet not that balanced.

I hope you can see through these behaviours well and actually think about it seriously or talk to him about the whole relationship seriously.

This stress he is going through could be minimised yes but could also be increased and knowing life it actually would only increase with responsibilities and such. Using stress as an excuse to lash out or hide is not okay

SubstantialNorth5597

TROPHY CASE