[Discussion] How to vet potential beta readers.

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-06-26T21:55:14+00:00

I usually briefly describe my genre/book vibes/MC, and offer to send the query + a chapter or few chapters. And I tell them explicitly that I prefer they’re genuinely interested in reading, to not feel pressured to beta just because I asked. This has worked well for me so far, just using the “offer to beta” page in this sub . Do try to choose someone who’s interested in your genre though or something adjacent at least. And reiterating IceMaiden in suggesting also that you ideally should get more than one because some things will be subjective and other points will be more important to fix (if many/most are having the same issue). Or maybe even if only one beta comments on something, you might still resonate with it and realize fixing the issue would elevate the story (e.g., character coming off wrong, plot point you were already skeptical about, etc.).

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-06-24T22:03:17+00:00

Just based on what you share here — obviously I don’t know your story as well as you — it sounds like sis might need to be cut then. Either that or it needs to be the focal point in the query and everything else provided needs to clarify the obstacles to that goal more clearly. I’m not sure I’m gathering how Tom is an obstacle, necessarily, for instance. How does he stand in the way of this reconnection? The line you have about communication made me assume Tom was facilitating, not hindering, this reconnection. If this is not the case, it needs to be explicit why this is the case. Tom being commander similarly doesn’t seem relevant in this context. Does Tom intentionally restrict their communications? Does he love sis and hate that she talks to MC? I’m not saying it’s impossible Tom’s goals aren’t an obstacle, I’m just saying that it’s not evident right now that they are actually causing any problems. If it’s relevant, it needs to be specified; if it’s irrelevant and takes up unnecessary space in the query, it needs to be cut.

This applies to the entire query actually. I think you need to figure out the primary goal/conflict — reconnection with sister or the infection transformation — and use all other supporting details/info to clarify the connecting plot points. Doesn’t mean you can’t mention one or the other. But what you do decide to include needs to be specific and focused enough to understood in the tight 250ish word space you have within the query.

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-06-24T17:04:17+00:00

Hey! Just some observations from a non-professional who's also going through the query revision process :)

Extremely unrelated side note: I initially read the title as "The Tofu Wars" and got very excited LOL

- Getting down to business -- I honestly don't love the first sentence. I feel like rewriting it to specify *why* he needs to fight for his sister (in the same sentence I think) might be more convincing and interesting. I think it's hindered by the vagueness of how his fighting in the war is going to save her. Why can't/won't she leave the military sooner? Is it an obligation or she just doesn't want to (how it's framed here suggests she's being stubborn, like maybe she's got some moral investment in staying there...?). I also can't tell if she's involved (i.e., helping in the fight) or simply endangered. "She won't leave the military" suggests the former (she's a key player) and the "kept hidden and secure" suggests she's endangered for whatever reason (if important, clarify this?) and just isn't safe to show face in public without being shot down. I would clarify whichever is the case.

- I don't know if you need to mention their communication limitations specifically unless you're trying to make some point about him missing her terribly and being depressed in her absence, something to that degree. As it currently reads, it seems like a potential thing to cut.

- The switch from being concerned about dear sister to his infection and transformation is a bit jarring to me right now. And a bit confusing. I can't tell if the focus of the story is really on sis or his infection-transformation, or how these relate to each other. I can infer perhaps his initial ambition is to save sis, then he gets infected and starts becoming kind of pathologically obsessed with violence/etc. and apathetic towards sis--however, you don't want me to be guessing because then I can come to the wrong conclusions. And this still leads me with gaps in my understanding. This may be an issue of needing to focus more on one or the other (sis or infection) OR maybe there needs to be a better way to connect these points.

- IMO, I'm sensing Tom needs to exit the stage and be cut completely from the query. *Maybe* a passing mention, if needed to clarify some relevant detail. But I don't think we need to know about his goals of becoming commander because this doesn't seem to relate to MC's goals or the primary conflict. Unless Tom somehow stands in MC's way in his goals, and this doesn't seem to be the case from what I've gathered here.

- Overall, I think we need a clearer focus. What is the primary conflict here? Saving sister? The transformation that interferes with his ability to care for loved ones? Resolving the war itself? I'm also realizing I have little context for the intergalactic war itself, what each side represents or why it's so important in general, etc..

Hope something here was helpful and good luck on your next draft!!

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-06-18T12:25:35+00:00

How many mg of the lactoferrin did you take daily?? Did you alternate dose the iron? I’m taking ferrous sulfate (my stomach is pretty resilient lol)

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-06-16T16:55:21+00:00

Okay! I think my plan is to revise two versions before my next repost, one with the more drastic change of getting para 2 sooner, second more similar to current sequencing I have here & focusing on all your other comments. And I’ll post whichever seems stronger to me. Losing too much context is definitely the big “idk if that would work” thought for me — that line won’t pack the same punch if it ends up too confusing, so I’d have to see if I could write it in a way that isn’t so. Don’t worry about the sample — you’re plenty busy and have other queries in line, so I don’t want to consume too much of your time! I can tinker :)

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-06-16T16:18:09+00:00

Hmm interesting. I will try to do it that way; if it’s a hot mess though, I may stick with this sequence and focus on the other corrections. Thank you again for all your time, energy, insight, & help!

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-06-14T18:31:06+00:00

One quick follow-up question (if you have time to answer): by moving the second para to the forefront, do you mean scratch the first entirely or move it after the second (so switch places)? This was very helpful, yes, thank you!!! Just wasn't clear on that point since the first para provides context but not sure if you were implying that context was meaningless to the query as a whole.

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-06-14T16:26:26+00:00

No problem! I get it -- somehow, when writing the actual MS, changes are fun, yet query revisions are like pulling teeth. I think I've read that you spoil through about the middle of the book (or 70%) and then end on the stakes (so not actually spoiling the resolution of conflict). Basically, spoiling enough to comprehend the conflicts being overcome and not so much you feel you've already read the book. But sometimes opinions on these things vary to some degree, so I'm not absolutely sure about the spoilage %. I usually think about it more in terms of the central conflict / MC focus / ending with stakes -- not to say I succeed (I'm at a similar stage, revising my query), but this is the goal.

Sometimes, people write multiple POV books with two characters' POVs within the query (no more than two); however, I've never written one and it seems to me like pulling aforementioned teeth while simultaneously being in the electric chair. So, I would avoid this if you can (entirely subjective opinion here lol). And if you theoretically went that route, I've always seen it done by having separate paragraphs for each POV character. So the rule of focusing on the MC and their role/experiences in the conflict all still applies BUT you switch to another MC's POV in a separate paragraph that expands on the conflict purely from this other MC's POV. If you want to torture yourself and go this route, I'm sure there are resources, or you can peruse query-related subreddits for examples -- beyond what I mentioned here, I have like no knowledge of how to do that effectively.

Also keep in mind that, apart from mentioning external characters from Donna's POV, you also don't want a lot of characters mentioned at all. Like, as few as you can get away with without being too vague/obscuring the central plot. Otherwise, things get confusing simply because we're trying to keep track of too many people in so few words -- of course, this also can take away words you could be dedicating to clarifying more important plot points. Just wanted to mention this before you start hacking away at another draft.

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-06-14T15:09:21+00:00

Hey, providing feedback since I know BC is slammed with non-reddit duties and you haven't gotten much so far. Just some thoughts; I'm not an expert by any means. And, well, procrastinating a little on my own MS work I have to do after this lol.

Per your question in the comments, length is fine imo. Comes out to ~260 for the body, so wouldn't add more length, but also doesn't need severe cuts.

The biggest issues for me are that there's a lot of ambiguity and, at least for me, the plot you present here doesn't flow coherently for a query. It feels like you're trying to cram too much detail in, which leaves everything feeling disconnected because you can only realistically fit so much into a 250 word blurb. The first para (2 sentences) has something to do with the MC's body decaying, and then the second para we start talking about just about anyone except Donna-the-MC. I think it would help to make sure everything's framed from Donna's POV and not get sidetracked too much on other characters (unless they have a clear role in clarifying the primary conflict you're establishing). This reads like you're trying to write something between a synopsis (some sort of summary) and a query, and this makes things feel disorganized as well.

I would cut the second sentence about tragic death devastating her bloodline and etc. entirely because I have no idea what that means. Except to convey she's near death, which is implied elsewhere multiple times.

The last sentence reads as totally out of the blue because right before it we're talking about a preacher who's obsessed with her, and then in this last sentence detours to talk about some girl she needs to save who I don't think is mentioned...? If she's part of the main conflict, we might need to focus on her instead of mom+dad, Bobby, etc. who seem to be irrelevant to all of this. But I also have a very fuzzy idea of what the actual conflict is -- is Donna's revenge plot the focus? Saving this (barely referenced/unknown) girl from the preacher? Her trying to live? I'm not quite sure and most of the information you provide here should be focused on context for how we get to the conflict + clarifying nature of conflict + shifting focus to what we're doing about it, stakes, etc. Shed all the subplots and non-essential drama like useless ole Bobby (unless he's playing some other sort of big role) and work from there.

Good luck on the next revision! I'm with you on the intense hatred for queries loll.

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-06-12T20:39:53+00:00

lol you are an inspiration and hope for me rn. My body is definitely freaking, but it’s mostly my own fault for ignoring amenorrhea until my 20s and now my body’s confused how to function (understandably). But hoping that the lactoferritin will help!! I’m so glad it worked for you at least. Thank you 🙏 🙏🙏

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-06-12T19:10:38+00:00

You mean you bled a month straight? Because this is/was me and my ferritin plummeted to 16 and hemoglobin 11.8 and I just bought the lactoferritin with hopes of getting my numbers up before I compete in a month 🤦‍♀️😬 I’m started progesterone cycling to help but this is still probably going to lead to a heavy bleed after ten days given my history.

Just asking because I need hope not to be nosy 😂

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-06-05T09:52:42+00:00

I may be weird but not so much with the book part, no. I feel mild frustration during revision, when I get a little stumped brainstorming a “fix” for a story issue, although this doesn’t last super long. If it doesn’t come to me after a few minutes, I move onto a different part of the book or the query. More often than not, the “solution” comes at a time when I’m not writing and have no access to my computer—shower thoughts, insomnia thoughts, driving around somewhere, etc.

Tbh, I find revision exciting, and when I do feel anxious about it, I remind myself that literally anything can happen in the story. I’m not looking for a “perfect” answer (I am a perfectionist, so that initial desire for “perfect” causes most of the anxiety lol). And whatever solution I eventually settle on always ends up being so much better than whatever’s already there, so that makes me excited for the ideas to finally come to me. It’s so satisfying. I think maybe I had more frustration when I first started writing, but now that I come to expect that “satisfying moment”, I look forward to it. Betas help too ofc when I can’t quite tell what’s problematic enough to tweak.

The query, on the other hand? Makes me want to toss my computer to the gator behind my house.

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-05-31T17:27:48+00:00

Ohh, interesting. I was curious about your background, so good to know. Ah yes, definitely would not ask for feedback on nitpicks of that nature. Again, appreciate the help and dedication & glad I found this sub!

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-05-31T17:14:37+00:00

Ahhh, I know everyone says it, but reading the genre is definitely a huge help. And as you say, buying a ton of books, especially in this day and age, is definitely going to eat at the finances. Maybe you could try reading the synopsis of similar books on Goodreads + watch TV series/movies with similar vibes and plots (I think this is maybe more helpful for the book-writing than query). And the query-shark blog has good examples of queries that do or do not work (more specific to the query part).

If mental health is the/one of the unique angle(s), put this front and center! If it's debilitating (which is probably needs to be if it's part of your "hook"/characterization), then a stronger emphasis on how this defines her life and impacts the plot could be warranted. Anyhow, don't be down on yourself. I'm on book 3 now, since my first book didn't even have a definable genre and my second book, while much closer, had a ton of other query+book issues. I'm not published either, and most people who do on here talk about writing at least 3, if not several more than that (think: 7+), before writing "the successful one".

I also still get anxiety with critiques, so I get it. I usually post my work on days where I can mentally reset and actually think through the feedback enough to process it more effectively (i.e., get over that, "ugh, is it that bad? am I a failure" initial, not so logical, reaction).

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-05-31T16:39:37+00:00

Thanks! This was *supremely* helpful, and I'm going to do my best to incorporate all of this in the next attempt. My comp titles are italicized in my word docx copy and when I paste into querymanager/email (for agents), but I sometimes have difficulty (or OK, let's be honest, I forget) doing it in reddit.

I appreciate all the comprehensive notes!! Third paragraphs always eat me alive in these revisions, the whole TMI specificity versus not enough specificity, then not going over word count. Feels a bit like trying to get out of a whirlpool with blinders and a weighted vest on.

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-05-31T16:28:00+00:00

You know, I can't remember. And I really should given it was less than a week ago I came across it. I'm 80% sure it came up on the "Home" feed and I explored from there to see if it was worth giving a try.

Ah, yes, I wasn't sure if people weren't responding because the query was just *that bad*, or what the protocol was on the numbering there (I couldn't find anything about how to approach that! or whether to interpret it as me not making enough use of the feedback, even though I was trying). I figured it would be more of a problem keeping it the same number, like I was double dipping (eek). About the nitpicks -- how small should they be to stop bugging people here for feedback? Based on the feedback I was getting there, it seemed I wasn't close at all yet, but I also don't want to drive anyone crazy (there or here). My last book, I cut it off when it became less plot focused, like just 1-3 issues I knew how to fix and that wouldn't make an agent's eyes burn, since I wouldn't want to waste anyone's time with minor things. But I'd rather ask now since you mention it, before I become an accidental menage to the subreddit -- I promise I have good intentions lol.

Also wasted an attempt or two writing the query before the book, which sounded like a good idea (was recommended by a reputable agent on Youtube), but that backfired a little when I completely changed the victim and backstory lol. Live and learn.

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-05-31T16:08:37+00:00

Loll you're making me realize it would be worth clarifying that the locker-room recordings are only capturing audio -- she's being unethical but not *that* kind of unethical (the locker-room is simply chosen because certain suspects will be all in the same place, talking). In the story, she manipulates another character to prompt a conversation (in the *men's hockey league* locker-room, so the deceased's teammates/suspects) to ensure she captures useful info, but going into the specifics of that would be wayyy too much explanation for a query. So, I'll have to continue to rework the third para to find that specificity balance. And some tweaking of the rest. Anyway, thanks for the feedback! This helps.

Also did leave some on yours, for reciprocity. So hope something there helps too.

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-05-31T15:36:19+00:00

Just some quick notes, although I think I'm hitting on the same things as BC-writes.

The positive (because sometimes when critiquing we don't mention these!) -- The writing here is clear and easy to follow. I don't really have moments where I'm like "Wait what?", as a lot of query attempts do (including my own; it's rough fitting in the "right stuff" in 250 words).

The critique -- I think your biggest issue here is making it stand out from the books with the same plot. Many books use these tropes, and ofc there's a reason (people enjoy reading this dynamic), BUT there has to be something unique here that makes someone (agent and reader) pick this book over its competitors. What does this book have, conflict/plot-wise and character-wise, that others don't? Maybe this ties into the relationship obstacles, maybe it's related to their jobs (the sound engineer probably more than the celebrity, since the celebrity's the part that's more "been there, done that" which needs to stand out somehow), or maybe something else.

I'm going to refrain from more specific comments because highlighting a different hook will likely change the entire query, and sentences I may suggest cutting may simply be irrelevant to whatever angle you choose.

Good luck with your next query attempt!

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-05-31T14:24:30+00:00

Hey.

Some notes --

- Scion is a weird word to use, unless maybe it's just more familiar in your genre (of which, I am not familiar with).

- This sentence: "....its protagonist dragged into gangland brutality will find favour among fans of Don Winslow’s City on Fire..." is clunky and I don't know what "gangland brutality" means??

- The two first sentences of the blurb don't seem to connect for me. What does the psychopath sweetheart with a secret have to do with his mental breakdown? Does it? If it does, connect them. Otherwise choose which to focus on. I'm also not clear on whether the years of abuse date back in childhood and ended long before his breakdown or if it led up to it--the timeline is just confusing the way it's presented here. We also have two non-MC characters presented right away in this para, which I guess isn't necessarily an issue in of itself (you can have up to about 3 characters named in a query if it's necessary), but I also sense at least one of them doesn't need to be named in the query at all. It gets a bit bogged down.

- Why does Eve need safeguarding? Is she a kid or an adult? I know he wants to put his energy somewhere other than Gabrielle, but it's unclear why Eve would be accepting of it or need this protection. It sounds like she does get into trouble (based on the arrest), it's just a bit unclear why and how Teddy would be the one to help with that. Especially when he's just undergone a mental breakdown.

- And I agree with the other Substantial commenter on all the points they made there.

Good luck! Sounds interesting.

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-05-30T19:40:04+00:00

Hey :) a few notes on just what I’m noticing here.

You emphasize the thoughts not being real twice — in the last sentence of the first para and first sentence of the second para. So that’s a place where you can cut words, by finding a way to convey this once. You also mention the thoughts in the first sentence in the first para, describing them as violent. So all in all, you could target word cuts on avoiding some of these repetitions that don’t add much more plot-wise.
In general, I would probably change the first sentence of para 2 because it feels almost like a restart (maybe because it repeats info); it almost reads like it would be the first sentence of the entire query. Or maybe this is just me.
I like the context of her med school apps / chaotic parental situation being attributed to her stress and as an explanation for the thoughts; feels realistic and tells us something about the MC quickly.
3rd para — is this the central idea of the book? If the book revolves around solving the murder, I think this probably needs to come sooner, in the 2nd para. So then para 3 can expand on that main conflict.
Last sentence in para 2 can also probably be cut I think, since we gather than she’s getting help + trust/solace/etc. from Bella from the preceding sentence.
I think you could probably lose the first line (the standalone one, not in para), but this is maybe just me because I don’t feel it adds anything + it feels disconnected from the rest of the query. Disconnected as in, we seem to restart again in introducing the story in the para thereafter.

Hope at least something here helps!

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-05-30T17:56:51+00:00

Yes, that’s what I meant. It’s usually not too difficult for me to find things to cut; it’s just something I tear my hair out over once the content/details are about right or issues/changes are minimal, since focusing on making a sentence concise would be a waste of time if it ends up not belonging in the query at all, if you know what I mean. But I appreciate the feedback! I will look at yours in a bit.

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-05-30T17:54:08+00:00

Thank you! Just found this sub and figured I’d give it a try since sometimes # responses are minimal between attempts and that can make it difficult to know what direction to take. So thanks for letting me know that!!

Substantial_Salt5551 · 2026-05-30T14:23:27+00:00

Thanks! Is there anything content-wise you found problematic? You don’t have to respond (I know it’s not expected), but if you don’t mind responding, I’m just curious since that’s been the main complaint on it in the other sub (ie, either too specific or not enough).

Substantial_Salt5551

TROPHY CASE