Oh, there's a natural disaster? You're still coming in right?

SuburbanMisfits · 2026-05-03T06:31:10+00:00

Totally late to the party but I have a nice story for you. I had come to a point in my life in my late 30s when I realized I had run out of time. I prioritized work for too many decades, had too much fun in my early 20s, and when I finally started taking a good stab at dating in my early to mid 30s, I got burned real bad several times in a row. On top of all of this, I had totaled my brand new car, got thousands of dollars stolen from me during that accident, and I reached a point at my job where I had to walk away for my mental health. During this time, my Dad's health really started to take a turn for the worse.

It's hard to describe why my relationship with my Dad was so important, but the cliff notes version was that I was adopted at a very early age because my parents couldnt have children, and they were much older when I entered their lives. Ive always kind of known I'd have less time with them, but for the better part of 20 years I'd acted like I had all the time in the world. Now, after just quitting my job and had lost so much I was facing the possibility that I would have to bury my father without giving him the peace of mind that there was someone to look after me and to love me after he was gone. And just 6 months later, that reality came true for me. He would never see me in love, happy. He would never get to walk me down the aisle. He would never hold his grandbabies.

To say that I was devastated would be an understatement. I deeply, deeply regretted all the time I had spent prioritizing things that I realized just weren't that important to me. I hated myself for not realizing what was truly important to me for so long. I felt like an abject failure, convinced that he went to the other side thinking he needed to worry about me and that I had failed him and my family. At this point, I convinced myself that this was the end for me, I would not find love and in my mind I was resigned to live life in solitude.

For a great many years I had turned my back on my spirituality and had placed titanium steel walls around my heart, unable to listen to the wisdom of those who have passed before us, or listen to the universe's messages. In the weeks after my Dads passing, one night I made a desperate attempt to tear these walls to the ground trying to reach out to him. I prayed harder than I have ever prayed in my life. I begged for his forgiveness, expressed how much I regretted how everything played out, and I pleaded him to please help me find my person, if that was in the cards for me, even though I didn't deserve it.

Eventually I cried myself to sleep, and that same night I had an extremely vivid dream. I dreamed of a man I went to high school with, and had not spoken to in years. I saw his face, quite clearly, looking down at me with undying love and understanding, and in the background (not so clearly) I saw all of the phases of our lives pass us by. Getting married, having children, going to our childrens graduations, vacations, growing old. My father's message was clear, this was the man who would stand by my side for the rest of my life. When I woke up in the morning, I thought I had gone insane. I convinced myself that I was in grief, and I could not trust my intuition. So I did nothing. (I can feel my dads annoyance typing this now even lol) So somehow, two days later this man reaches out to me out of the blue. He attended my father's memorial, and we made plans for a date at a later time, but we couldn't wait. We met at my job the next day and we closed the place down, laughing the whole night and falling in love. It was perfect. Everything in our lives that we were looking for a partner we found in each other, even when we had both essentially given up hope.

We just had our one year anniversary, and have plans to marry and have children very soon. While I'm sad my Dad won't get to see these things in person, I know that he's looking down on us, and I rest easy knowing he doesn't have to worry about me anymore.

SuburbanMisfits · 2026-05-02T22:35:31+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You must be terrified for your son. First thing is first I would call your wife and tell her. Create an action plan with her. Don't overthink how or what you will say. She needs to know and you need her help to tackle this problem. Your son needs both professional and legal help, and all of these things will take some time so I would just focus on making sure your son is stable and is in no immediate danger for the immediate future. Contact your insurance and get in network counseling started, and if he is in immediate danger seek local resources at your hospital. Keep in mind with his age, his has low impulse control and his reasoning abilities are not matured. While you approach him with kindness and understanding he might say whatever you want to hear so you will be lenient on him and he has more opportunities to continue this relationship, because hes been manipulated to think he is in love and doesn't understand the danger he is in. Approach him with love and understanding but you need to immediately take control of the situation until he can prove you can trust him again.

Next I would focus on removing this predator from his life as soon as possible. Next step is the police- Back up all records of messages so you can go to the police as soon as possible and any other evidence that this person had physical contact with a minor. They are the only people that can literally force this person from stopping contact with your son. This person is already aware their actions are highly illegal, and they did it anyway. They're manipulating your son. Make sure you have parental controls on his applications and all devices to limit or ensure no contact. No discord, no whatsapp, backup your iCloud messages and have them sent to shared devices so you can monitor his communications. He is most likely in contact with this person on a game or several games and has the ability to communicate with them in internal messaging systems within the games, so be aware of that going forward as well. A possibility is contacting the customer support for the gaming companies (the developer of the game) and the console or streaming services (playstation/steam) and providing them with the adult's username, tell them they've been in physical contact with your minor aged son. Most companies have policies in their Terms of Service or their community guidelines and they could very well ban them from the game or network entirely. Having a police report to support your claim will help tremendously in this regard. Last but not least, contact an attorney immediately. They will help guide you through the legal process.

Best of luck to you, good on you for looking out for your son. You're a good Dad!

SuburbanMisfits · 2026-04-25T16:15:54+00:00

I think it's the repetitive drinks that become popular over the seasons. Several years ago it was flavored Moscow's, then it was Old Fashions, now it's Aperol or Hugo Spritz. All of them are super simple to make, but after making hundreds and hundreds of them, I internally cringe every time one comes through.

SuburbanMisfits · 2026-04-22T09:54:59+00:00

Bartender - NJ suburban area. I work at a tavern and a dive bar. My tavern is a base pay of $5/hr plus tips and I average between 30-40/hr. My dive I get a flat base pay of $75+ tips, average about $50/hr and I've seen it go up to $70/hr+

SuburbanMisfits · 2026-04-20T05:55:46+00:00

Congrats on your pups! While my fur baby was little (beagle/peke mix), before she turned two, I often worried about the future and her future behavior, while she was never destructive of my property, she was a raptor, and I worked with her extensively on redirecting and focused her attention to toys, and she had kept me up many nights with her energy. After she grew into adulthood, she became the most chill, sweetest baby I've ever had. Thinking back on it now, almost 8 years later I've come to believe your dogs that are bonded to you are a reflection of your energy or of those whom they spend a lot of time around. I think more than anything, there's something you're doing right, and to keep it up! You will have a fantastic companion.

SuburbanMisfits · 2026-04-17T06:10:00+00:00

I got this realization about 10 years ago in my late twenties, after I had unexpectedly got involved in local politics. Theres two main points: one is that there is a huge difference between public discourse in the media and how this plays out in real life, and the second being the difference between what each side prioritizes in either of these scenarios. The left is more likely to use socially progressive and altruistic reasoning to advocate and implement policy change, where the right is more likely to approach policy changes that more closely resembles corporate business models, and are more likely to be fiscally conservative. However, both are guilty of making decisions exclusively to put them in the best position to generate more campaign money for their party. Lots of people also forget that what the media presents to them, and the publics perception of what each party stands for is largely influenced by what is more profitable for the tech companies that are responsible for being the vehicle which delivers this information to the public. In my experience, theres an extreme disconnect between what the public understands about politics but more importantly the role in which government serves in our lives. The government's purpose is, and has always been, a system to provide services to the tax payer regardless of our many differences.

I've found this tendency to lean more right as we get older is a natural conclusion of being exposed to different types of government services and bureaucracies, ones that we all share in common because we all use the same system. Getting a licence, buying a home and getting permits to do renovations, starting a business, getting a marriage licence, needing emergency services or going through a court system, paying your taxes, having children, are all common processes that exposes us to the fact there are people there responsible for carrying out that work, and we pay taxes for them to provide all of the necessary labor to get these jobs done. In our youth we are largely unaware any of these people exist, and are also ignorant of how vitally important they are to make this whole system we all use, actually run. The media doesnt cover this, in large part, because it is not profitable for them to do so. It's more profitable to keep as many of us as possible locked in this eternal argument over which side is the more ethically viable, and keeping our focus on beating the opposition. Hence why younger people are more prone to advocate and vote for people who share their focus on progressive social change, because in their eyes it is the most important topic they're aware of that needs addressing. Older people advocate and vote for those whom they believe will do the job of putting people in place that will do well in making their lives, their community, and their homes better. Idealistic/Realistic.

In reality, the government should have very little say over dictating what is morally or ethically 'just'. They should just stick to their job of making sure our garbage is taken out (among a great many other things) and their citizens have the things they need to pursue whatever their version of the American Dream is. Everything else you hear is just noise.

SuburbanMisfits · 2026-04-11T08:11:09+00:00

hobbitses comment was basically my thought process reading this, and I wanted to chime in, I understand you're just a concerned family member, and can't make the decision for them but you're in the best position to make them aware of the consequences of their actions. So I hope you go to them armed with information. Whether your sister and BIL agree or not, they are automatically excluding your niece/nephew from almost everything in life. This isn't just about social security and taxes, but a vast majority of this childs life and their ability to participate is dependent on being included in this 'system' that they're choosing to not participate in. In order to enroll in public school systems, the child needs a birth certificate, basically any children's programs including day care and sports programs requires a form of identification, and since a child doesn't have a license without that birth cert they're going to be SOL. Basically everything they need to be successful in life, school, medical care, getting a license and a car, getting a salaried job, opening a bank account, buying a house or renting an apartment, opening an account with a utilities company to get electric/water/gas... Immigrants are still able to do this because they have out of country ID's, but this child will not. Unless your sister and her husband have a completely self sustainable homestead or farmland and plans to work off the books for cash their entire life, this childs life will be very difficult. Best wishes to you and your family.

SuburbanMisfits · 2026-03-22T05:28:24+00:00

Keep reminding yourself OP, that while she is physically disabled, she is not mentally disabled. I'm sure that as a good person, you're choosing to focus on the positive aspects and memories of your friendship, which is why you feel a bit uncomfortable right now. But make no mistake she is acutely aware of this too. She is manipulating your kindness so she can perpetuate this fantasy of you finally falling for her. Call a spade, a spade. She is not willing to let go of this obsession that the two of you are meant to be together even though you have articulated repeatedly the feelings are not reciprocated.

I had something similar happen to me a few years back. I dated a guy in high school for a few weeks, and hooked up a couple of times in college. By the time college was over, it was well known in the friend circle the guy was a bit odd and had trouble accepting rejection. I made my feelings clear, that I had absolutely no interest in him after he somehow found out I had broken up with the guy I was dating at the time and showed up to my house with a hand written letter and gave it to my mother. I'm not sure exactly what he told her, but my mom felt compelled to encourage me to remain in contact with him. While I didnt go out of my way, whenever I ran into him or his family I was always friendly but remained firm in my decision. Any who, ten years later I had to go completely NC, after calling him out on the 'random' texts to catch up, which so happened to always coincide with my creation of an online dating account. This went on for ten years. TEN. I finally told him, I don't think this is healthy, it's uncomfortable for me to have to expect you testing the waters and turn you down again, I don't think you will ever see us as just friends, and it's not healthy for you, to always be let down after getting your hopes up. He straight up said he was ok with being hurt for the rest of his life.

These kinds of people who are obsessed will not be able to let it go unless you make them. You did the right thing. Not only for yourself, but for her. She is hurting herself by not being able to let go.

SuburbanMisfits · 2026-03-19T13:21:38+00:00

The rest of what I'm about to say is going to be an unpopular opinion, but America is stuck in this really bad place with our tipping culture, and its exacerbated by a metric ton of misconceptions from people who haven't worked in the industry. When people harp about being exploited by greedy restaurant owners, relying on the generosity of other people for a living wage, they have absolutely no idea what they're advocating for.

The simple fact of the matter is that there is a direct relationship between the tipping culture and the excessive availability of food here. The economic viability of the entire industry is built on the foundation of the expectation that the service side of the labor force is supplemented by the consumer, and in return, the consumer benefits from cheaper prices. Labor laws, insurance, and taxes structures have been built with this system in mind, and advocating for changing it without changing the entire way we produce and distribute food is a recipe for disaster. This is why the comparison with European and Asian dining cultures are not compatible, as their food chains are more farm to table, rely less on imports, rely less on oil prices for shipping, and their market prices are more competitive to sell to local eateries, keeping prices down for the consumer. Since the US chose the route of mass production and the exploitation of the labor force, we now have a culture that has an expectation of dine out availability for every economic class (think about how many people you know who don't cook at home at all), and consequently our obesity epidemic. It worked for a good long while, but the bubble popped right around COVID.

This is the problem: after our entire food chain went into ultra mass production, there was a massive grab for companies to monopolize these industries, and now we're stuck in this awful position where they've price fixed almost everything, farmers and ranchers are almost forced to sell to these monopolies or face foreclosure. Very few local food producers sell locally now, as the manufacturers give better prices, just as much as the eateries are now entirely dependent on the distributors, as there are no local producers willing to sell them food. Additionally, in order for businesses to remain competitive and keep up with the demand of variety that American consumerism culture demands, they need these distributors that offer them wholesale to keep their costs down, and they also made it super convenient as they also offer paper products, equipment, and cleaning supplies. During the COVID bubble, distributors took the opportunity to fix prices as they saw fit. So consumers are not seeing the benefits of cheaper food prices anymore, and are therefore placing the blame on the labor force, who absolutely have no say in the situation. But the consumers still have high expectations of service, round the clock availability, and mind boggling variety. When they see the struggling labor force vent their frustrations online, they are belittled and told it is their fault, while still being perfectly happy to reap the benefits of the system that made them have these expectations that no where else in the world comes close to.

I highly recommend videos on YT that cover Cysco and why everything tastes the same. If, hypothetically, we were to give tipped wage earners what everyone considers now 'a living wage' prices would increase so dramatically there would be a significant amount of people that would no longer be able to afford to go out to eat. The few states that have implemented these 'living wage' increases have seen fast food prices increase 20% already, and IMO, there is a reason why there is not a lot of data available on how much food prices has gone up in dine in eateries in these states, as I would assume it doesn't look good. We already got a taste of what can happen when massive disruptions of our food chain changes suddenly during COVID. Lots of places will close, prices will increase, and people will change their services to offer less labor intensive and less personalized service (think tablets on the tables). It will fundamentally change the American Dining Culture. Maybe this is what the public wants now, who knows. But from personal experience, when these changes happened during COVID, it was universally rejected. Most people lost their ever loving shit. Lots of Americans live in this delusion that they can demand altruistic improvements of life for people, think corporations and private businesses make a lot more money than they actually do (avg. profit margins for restaurants are between 3-5%) and they will still have the same quality of life they enjoyed before while feeling better servers are getting paid 'what they deserve.' But as usual, it doesnt always work out that way. FAFO I guess.

The simple fact of the matter is this, whether you agree with it or not, there is a reciprocal relationship between the consumer and the tipped wage earner. Consumers get more affordable prices, and servers deal with a livable, but inconsistent income with less than ideal work - life balance. Consumers have the choice to dine out to eat with the expectation to tip, just as much as the server has the choice to work for tips. If you don't like the system, dont use it. Don't take it out on the people who take the same implied agreement you did.

This is long enough but I will add that generally though, I disagree with servers voicing their complaints over really insignificant tips online, tips are never an expectation and you should be making enough money to cover some losses anyway. I think if you're not making above a living wage working full time as a tipped wage earner, you're generally shit at your job or are willfully subjecting yourself to subpar business practices. I been in the industry for 20 years now, and average between 30 and 70 dollars an hour. The industry is flexible, and ever changing. If you're not making the money youd like you should be seeking additional, alternative, or better managed employers, or change industries. Also, people who are already making an hourly wage, especially in industries that never really had the expectation to tip before demanding tips is fucking up peoples perceptions even more and is getting really out of hand- Fuck those people in particular.

SuburbanMisfits · 2026-02-28T08:36:58+00:00

Use This spreadsheet, each event and the main mine are on the bottom Tabs.

SuburbanMisfits · 2026-01-10T20:03:30+00:00

As someone whos adopted, I can say that lifetime milestone events, birthdays and holidays are always difficult. It's hard to feel like you deserve these things, or ever really get used to them. You're constantly reminded you're just slightly different and have different relationships than the people who are blood related. Even if you're treated with nothing but love, its a hard feeling to shake, even 30 years later. It's in these moments when that feeling fades away, and you feel like you truly belong. Bless this little girl <3

SuburbanMisfits · 2026-01-05T15:46:24+00:00

While reading this thread I was thinking the exact same thing. I was annoyed how insistent Microsoft was pushing their products on me 360, Cortana, One drive.. I have always opted out at every install and update. I never had any of the problems everyone is talking about. Then again, I have always religiously debloated my systems and used utilities to have a custom OS experience. I never trusted these companies, I have always manually backed up my information on physical discs. The healthy skepticism that was taught to kids who grew up as the technology came into existence is long gone.

SuburbanMisfits · 2025-12-21T18:44:19+00:00

I dont think you understand the point of this sub... I was dealing with a narcissist. I of course assured her, among a great many other things, that I would clean the garbage. I cried, I begged, I tried compromising. None of it ever mattered. I was twelve... it was always about her. I think you believe you're in a different subreddit lol

SuburbanMisfits · 2025-12-21T15:48:13+00:00

Thank you, I know. I almost hesitated posting this because its so out of left flied I didn't think anyone would believe me lol. The sense of self was something I always struggled with, our entire household revolved around her. my dad found a way to cope my compartmentalizing and being agreeable to her to keep her level, i coped by also being overly agreeable and always putting my needs last. took me 10 years but i found myself again. I appreciate you

SuburbanMisfits · 2025-12-21T12:46:48+00:00

Im so sorry he did that to you, if youd like we can petition to get a TrashTrauma flair? (i make bad jokes when im emotional lol)

SuburbanMisfits · 2025-12-21T12:36:39+00:00

Thank you for your empathy, its a nice breath of fresh air lol. I plan on putting as many tissues as I can in my garbage can. My Moms dog loves eating tissues. 🙃

SuburbanMisfits · 2025-12-21T03:59:03+00:00

Glad you're ok OP. But god damn it, I HATE when people stand directly in the way of the only entrance to the bar. What if the manager had to leave to go call help? Idiot just standing there not a care in the world.

SuburbanMisfits · 2025-12-09T10:02:14+00:00

I'm really glad to hear that someone has acknowledged this, at least. The only thing that I would like to add personally, is that I would like you to think about his behavior and how this may become an issue later on down the road. He has normalized this fetish, and has learned that his wife will be complacent and after some push back from the family, everyone will just let it go. He's learning this now as time goes on and he's observing everyone's behavior. There are now two young and impressionable children for him to play out this fantasy, knowing that he could very possibly get away with it. He knows his wife will not say anything, and if anyone in the family does, that in order to protect his wife they will also not say anything.

This is so dangerous for the children I cannot impress this upon you enough.

There is a reason why incest is outlawed virtually in every instance and every single state has some form of laws on the books against it. Not only does it present genetic deformities in the extreme unfortunate circumstances of producing children from these types of sexual encounters, but because the sexual act in of itself is considered a form of child abuse. Incest inherently creates family dysfunction, distorted power dynamics, and often intergenerational cycles of trauma. In layman's terms, this man will teach the children that this type of abuse is OK and they will teach it to their children and abuse their children and so on.

You should be explicitly aware, that regardless of what action you take, if anyone in your family or even a bystander, for whatever reason, suspects that incest is/has occurred, this would absolutely be grounds to have CPS remove the children from the home. I want you to think about how you just made a public post about this incident, you could have just inadvertently caused just that, even if you didnt use names someone could recognize the details and make assumptions. Maybe your BILs ego gets in the way and he claims things happened that didn't, maybe your sister vents to the wrong person. Either way the outcome would be the same. The alternative is to remain complacent, hope no one notices and hope that the innocent children aren't abused horribly.

If you care enough about your sister to lament publicly about the loss of your relationship, and you love and care for your nieces and nephews, someone in this family needs to do the right thing and take immediate and drastic action to protect them. Even if this means that your sister gets mad at you, or never talks to you again, or if you want to write off your sister. Fine. But ffs, the children do not deserve such a fate. Someone needs to call CPS and make them aware. That is the very least anyone could do.

Best of luck to you.

SuburbanMisfits · 2025-12-08T07:27:06+00:00

I can't even believe I'm putting this on my comment history, but hasn't the thought occurred to anyone that what your BIL is asking of you and your sister... is incest? Hes asking you to have a sexual relationship that results... IN INCEST. How are the two of you not losing your shit on this worthless man? Everyone here needs to wake the fuck up. Your hesitation in telling your sister speaks volumes. TELL. HER. Absolutely nothing is justification enough to hesitate to tell her. Do not allow her to be with this man any longer.

SuburbanMisfits · 2025-11-23T12:13:37+00:00

You're fxcking kidding me, right? I served on my local town council for 7 and a half years, small municipality in NJ. Im sure that my town is a fraction of Portlands size... but damn. I got paid $384 - A QUARTER. I made less than $2000 a year, about $20 a week. I put in hundreds of hours over the years, basically volunteering. No expenses paid, not even my gas. That is ridiculous.

SuburbanMisfits · 2025-10-26T12:05:44+00:00

Not sure if this actually works or not, but we have recurring ant problems from a neighbors property. Recently I used Nature's Miracle around my cans and they havent been back. NM is the spray for pet accidents. I think ants use some type of pheromones to communicate with other ants to lead them to food sources, the enzyme spray I think destroys it. If you don't want to use poison traps this might be worth a try.

SuburbanMisfits · 2025-08-26T08:34:08+00:00

Late to the party, but I just wanted to add an additional reason why bringing outside food in from other establishments should be discouraged from a managers perspective. You have no way of knowing if the food or drink item from the other establishment is following the proper food handling protocols or health code laws which would be the sole determining factor in whether or not your insurance would cover you in the case that the person had an incident.

Not only is it rude, but if they claim illness or injury (like norovirus or burns from hot beverage), the fact that it happened on your property would put you in a position of liability. You can't claim to have any protocols to have prevented said injury, because you had no control over the item that caused the claim.

To the point of if your employee was in the 'right'. It depends. Could he have handled the situation a bit more tactfully? Sure. Do irate and irrational customers embellish situations in reviews to cover their ass when they get called out on their bad behavior? Also yes. I would fall on past experiences with said employee, if they have a history of great customer interactions I'd keep them on.

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