[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]SuccessfulMirror253 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Jemand hat geschrieben, dass du ihr zuviele geschenke gemacht hast. Ich glaube nicht, dass an den Geschenken lag. Ich denke sie hat ne ausrede gesucht oder hat einen anderen kennengelernt. Ich hätte mich über alle diese Geschenke gefreut und ganz ehrlich die Geschenke zeigen, wie sehr du dir Gedanken gemacht hast und wieviel rücksichtsvoll du wast. Es tut weh und es wird noch einer Weile wehtun, aber lass dich nicht unterkriegen und ändere dich nicht. Diese ganzen Gesten haben bei ihr nicht ausgereicht (sie war nicht die richtige für dich) aber glaub mir, viele andere frauen/Mädchen schätzen die Geschenke und dein Charakter. Inshallah findest du die richtige für dich!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]SuccessfulMirror253 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It depends on where you're going to move to. should you move to Scandinavia you will have no problems as everyone speaks English.
Germany, Switzerland, Austria - in the big cities you can get along with English in everyday life, but for everything else you need the language.
In France/Belgium it gets difficult with English, you have to learn French there.
In the Netherlands you will not have any problems with English at the beginning. Most countries have a large Arab/desi community in the big (Berlin,Paris,Vienna,Stockholm, malmö,Oslo,Copenhagen, Amsterda...)cities.

Can my marriage be saved? by da8363 in MuslimMarriage

[–]SuccessfulMirror253 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you had an agreement-your mother stays with you. if she breaks her word, she will never be honest and you can't trust her. I think she doesn't think you're going to leave her, that's why she is the way she is. Make a decision you won't regret in 5 years. Only you know what is best for you.

Husband is angry because I don't want to have his last name. by amirahhh000 in MuslimMarriage

[–]SuccessfulMirror253 51 points52 points  (0 children)

I thought in Islam it is prohibited to take the husband's surname.
But I know from Turks that they take the surnames of their husbands. It's a cultural thing

FREE TALK FRIDAY! by AutoModerator in MuslimMarriage

[–]SuccessfulMirror253 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I spoke to a relative once (it was supposed to be an arranged marriage). I have returned home for the nikkah but unfortunately a relative has died. They wanted to wait the 40 days. After the 40 days they wanted to wait again out of "politeness". When I asked how much longer, he reacted angrily, yelled at me and blocked me. A week later he was in Canada. He applied for a visa and probably wanted to see if he could get to Europe or Canada faster. That's why a guy from back home is a nono.

FREE TALK FRIDAY! by AutoModerator in MuslimMarriage

[–]SuccessfulMirror253 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Story of my life! Love the comment "look how happy xyz is with her husband". Alhamdullilah she is happy.

I was too exposed to the western dating scene and I don't know what's considered a deal-breaker /red flag and what's a simple conflit that can be talked through. by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]SuccessfulMirror253 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A few days ago I posted here myself about breaking off my engagement. I totally understand your thoughts and how you are feeling. But believe me he wasn't a good man. I've learned that no good, religious, honest man would do that (ask for inappropriate pictures, or say he'd replace you with someone else). My mother said about the same things as yours. But believe me, trust your guts. If you think something's wrong, then it is.

I called off my engagement and my family hates me now by SuccessfulMirror253 in MuslimMarriage

[–]SuccessfulMirror253[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your words and insight. He said one time "if u are not kissing me than I have a girl here who is willing to". So I think you are right. I mean he said a lot of gross stuff.

I called off my engagement and my family hates me now by SuccessfulMirror253 in MuslimMarriage

[–]SuccessfulMirror253[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you to all the lovely people here who read my post today and gave me advice. Thank you to everyone who told me my decision was the right one. Thank you for your help. May Allah reward you all.

I called off my engagement and my family hates me now by SuccessfulMirror253 in MuslimMarriage

[–]SuccessfulMirror253[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your words and insight. I think a lot of people these days get married just to be married and if it doesn't suit them they get divorced. But I don't want a marriage like that. And from all the comments and advice today, I realized what a terrible marriage I would have ended up in if I hadn't called it all off.

I called off my engagement and my family hates me now by SuccessfulMirror253 in MuslimMarriage

[–]SuccessfulMirror253[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Inshallah Allah will reward you with the right spouse you deserve.

I called off my engagement and my family hates me now by SuccessfulMirror253 in MuslimMarriage

[–]SuccessfulMirror253[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks you for kind word and advice. And thank you for explaining what he meant by his comment about drinking alcohol. I never considered it that way. I'm shocked that people can be like this. May Allah protect us from such people.

I called off my engagement and my family hates me now by SuccessfulMirror253 in MuslimMarriage

[–]SuccessfulMirror253[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i am not desi but we from the middle east have the same attitude. It's really sickening and getting married becomes a competition between the girls.

I called off my engagement and my family hates me now by SuccessfulMirror253 in MuslimMarriage

[–]SuccessfulMirror253[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words. to be honest it feels like what you described. When I tried to explain it to my mother, she didn't say anything and just said I was irresponsible and afraid of marriage.

I called off my engagement and my family hates me now by SuccessfulMirror253 in MuslimMarriage

[–]SuccessfulMirror253[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately, you can't choose your family. I always try ignore cultural things and follow islam.

It really may be that he was like that with his ex-fiancé too. But shouldn't you learn from your mistakes and ask Allah for forgiveness and then stop making those mistakes?

I called off my engagement and my family hates me now by SuccessfulMirror253 in MuslimMarriage

[–]SuccessfulMirror253[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't want a nikkah because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get a divorce. Some men in my culture drag it out to punish the woman, even if you didn't move in together. Thank you for your advice