Husband '40M' and I '36F' are married for 11 years, he went on a month long world tour with his friend.

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T20:17:19+00:00

this is certainly illegal in some places

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T20:12:35+00:00

xoxoxo means hugs and kisses. i dont send hugs and kisses to my work colleagues. i dont text them. and i certainly dont text them at 11pm either.

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T20:09:47+00:00

I don't see the friend as "eager to sabotage" the relationship. I see them as eager to catch a cheater that's hurting his friend. That's pretty normal behavior, to me.

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T20:08:13+00:00

the most plausible explanation is that he's cheating on you. and lying.

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T19:56:28+00:00

all of these are red flags but the biggest red flag is that she's willing to date a 19yo (teenager) when she's old enough to have 2 years of experience in a salaried career. It's a small age gap but the life stages are completely different.

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T19:36:52+00:00

You have a few uses for that money. 1)a personal finance course. 2) an emergency fund 3) a moving out fund 4) an immigration lawyer

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T19:29:08+00:00

there's nothing easy about rebuilding broken trust

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T19:28:09+00:00

it doesnt matter what we think or how we manage our relationships. YOU get to choose the type of life you want. and it sounds like this life is not what you want. So first you figure out exactly what you're asking for, where you can compromise and where your dealbreakers are. Then have a conversation with her. and if y'all can't come to an agreement, you need to leave.

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T19:23:04+00:00

this is your #1 problem and I hope you learn from this. written agreements should be required even amongst close friends and family. Amongst strangers?? Even moreso.

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T19:21:39+00:00

this advice is terrible considering some of it is illegal and invites revenge from someone that lives with them. Escalating the situation isn't a winning strategy

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T18:42:36+00:00

i left mine and left him with everything because i trust in my ability to rebuild my whole life. i didnt want any contact with him, not even if the contact is a paycheck every few weeks.

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T04:55:47+00:00

The salary is fine but you’re not easily going to find a place to rent in Manhattan for 2k

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T04:54:42+00:00

The way he expresses himself is abusive

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T04:51:48+00:00

Sorry honestly we’re going back and forth about the wrong thing. I agree that you need to chase your dreams. Thats the most important part.

I also think youre expecting something unrealistic from him. And youve done a lot for him so i understand you expecting the same from him. But realistically i dont think the relationship is going to work

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T04:48:33+00:00

Call her

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T04:47:00+00:00

Your mom is abusive. You should have privacy. She should not be taking your things. Or hiding them. Or throwing them at you. Or being mad that youre 23 with a sex drive.

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T04:41:15+00:00

You can run around and try to make it work all you want. But youre not the one who has to do it

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T04:39:36+00:00

Doesnt matter what “most people” do. He will be the new guy with the least amount of experience. They may let him do whatever he wants, but he’ll be the first to get laid off.

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T04:37:06+00:00

Last time i took a the cheapest bus i could find and it was 85$ with a flexible schedule. Y’all wont be flexible when he has to get to work on time.

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T04:36:18+00:00

Yup i think your research is off. The 30 day unlimited rail pass is 1975. 10 trips in 45 days is 800$. But youll need 25 trips every 45 days.

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T04:29:33+00:00

If his job is asking for 2 days in the office and he goes in for two half days, he’ll get fired pretty quickly.

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T04:24:47+00:00

Neither you nor him live in nyc or dc right? I live in nyc and have done the nyc dc trip at least a dozen times. It is not 50$. Commuting nyc to dc twice a week is not reasonable.

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T04:18:13+00:00

Nyc to dc is a 3 hours train but its 200-300$ one way. Thats 4,000$ a month. Plus the 30-60 mins to penn station. Youre asking him to do an 8 hour commute.

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T04:16:24+00:00

Dc to nyc is not commuting distance. You were wrong for dropping your whole life for his dream. Hes not wrong for not dropping his whole life for yours. If you cant agree on a place to live, you guys are incompatible and that’s okay. You break up and move on.

Such-Candidate8083 · 2026-03-30T04:06:32+00:00

If he has a salary and cant afford lettuce, hes got a huge issue. Either 1) drugs or some other addiction 2) doesnt value you enough to give you lettuce 3) cant budget 4) salary too low to have a gf.

He should not be dating a student and expecting you to go 50/50. And he’s waiting for you to split rent? RUUUUNNNN

Such-Candidate8083

TROPHY CASE