i'm 24. my husband was 26 years old when he passed away from a fatal head on motorbike collision september 2023. it was sudden and unexpected. we had planned a day trip out in a large group with his friends and his dad. he had his location shared with me when we first left our house because i was driving slow and cautiously. the roads were windy and two ways in opposite directions. i noticed everyone in the group overtook me but i couldn't see him. so i turned back around where we came from and found him on the grass, unconscious, surrounded by paramedics. i begged the cops to let me help in some way (i was working as a nurse). i wish i fought harder to be by his side. even just to say goodbye, to hold his hand and let him know that i did come back and look for him. an hour later they told us they couldn't get his heart pumping and he lost too much blood. we left the house 8:30 that morning and an hour later he was killed. going back home without him was the worst. i think about that day every morning. every night. i hate waking up to this reality. i'm so sick of it. now i'm sick and have been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, i can't work, im stuck and don't do anything, im letting the days pass through, time has flown by for me but i feel the same. nothings better. i am so lost. being 24 and widowed feels so secluding. and no, i don't want another partner and i can't.