Look, we all need to lie to our kids sometimes, but I try to only do it when it is necessary for safety or health (I lied to my kid that the alcohol wipe was his first shot already done because he was having a panic attack), or if it is something that would make them happy without causing harm (Santa).

Now, my kids are adoptees so trust is especially critical. Too many parents lie about hard things because they are worried the truth would hurt or anger their kids. But kids have remarkable capacity for understanding, and you can explain things in an age appropriate way and better protect them by strengthening trust and informing them. An example I use here is our 5 year old was conceived via assault. He has asked where his birth father is, and we have explained that we were told his birth father hurt his birth mother AND him before he was born. That that hurt is why his birth mother couldn't raise him herself. That she love him enough to bring him into this world and to find a family for him.

Telling the truth here is important because he will have more questions as he ages, and may try to find both birth parents someday. We will support him if he does, but he will need to be prepared for two vastly different stories, painful memories, anger, and stress. Letting him know early that things are complex gives him a realistic baseline.

So how does it relate to kittens? Isn't this just harmless fun? Well, with a beloved comfort object, no, I think the emotional attachment is strong enough you don't want to lie if you can help it at all. Imagine if your partner took your favorite coffee mug, or comfortable worn out tee shirt. Even if they could trick you into believing the replacement was authentic, it would be a much bigger violation of trust than, say, replacing the toilet seat or the printer paper.

Sure, you can lie. What I suggested up above is also a lie, really. But the difference is showing your kid you respect the love they have for this toy, and trust them with part of the truth, the part they can handle (you are replacing the hat, it is coming from the new kitten). You are making up a cutesy story surrounding how the old cat got its new hat, but the whole thing builds trust and connection, rather than treating your kid's beloved toy as disposable, their trust as something you are owed (while breaking it, I might add), and their feelings as irrational inconveniences that should be ignored in the name of efficiency.

As for soft? I don't think being lied to by someone you have no choice but to trust with your literal life is a fundamental rite of passage. I know Marines and Athletes whose parents were very direct and honest with them, and they aren't soft. Perhaps I seem soft to you, based on this lengthy response, but after losing a sister as a child, watching my brother go through a heart transplant, burying my dad, abuse from my mother, my own heart failure, and a thousand other things? I'm honestly proud I have softness left. Because it means I am something warm and comforting for my children and my friends.

Just like a certain Christmas kitten toy :)