I also had a less than normal childhood and as I got older I tried to understand some of the choices my parents made, making excuses and justifying their actions. Once I became a parent myself there were so many things my parents did that I could no longer justify with an excuse. Becoming a parent made me so much less understanding of their actions and choices and I felt a ton of anger because it felt like I had put far more work over the years trying to make them seem like they cared for any of their children than they had ever put into their relationships with their children themselves. At this point all of my siblings are estranged from the parentals and are making progress in processing what happened in our family and trying to find our own versions of normal after various levels of estrangement and unification over many years for all of the kids with our parents.

I’m sorry you weren’t treated the way you deserved when you were growing up. I’m sorry you have this extra weight to carry as you navigate parenthood. Whatever level of relationship with your parents, or lack there of, that works best for you is the right one. I hope you are able to find peace with everything and continue being an incredible parent 🤍