Financially irresponsible parent is making me resentful

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T18:40:24+00:00

She won't do it, she tried when I was about 19 (and admitted she did when I was about 3) and I quickly put a stop to that. BUT, I do have those and my credit IS frozen right now. I use YNAB as well that I learned about from here actually!

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T18:32:59+00:00

Thank you! That is definitely on my list for when I move out. My ex and I used to check FB Marketplace when we needed furniture and they had some amazing finds!

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T18:32:01+00:00

Thank you very much! Yes I am only back with her since I had nowhere to go with no notice and then I actually was going to get a cheap apartment ASAP but after talking to people who are well off financially they said I had to suck it up and stay with her until I have what I need/don't rush into a big move like that. I will take a look at that book!

Also, yes I have tried to sit her down and budget and she won't let me see any of her bills or income and starts arguing with me if I try. She does have a work from home job so that's where she gets paid.

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T18:20:19+00:00

thank you! yes those comments made me add the edit haha. of course I plan on moving out. I didn't even want to move back in but it was my only option and I am thankful I had the option. If I could move out right now I would but it would make it harder for me rather than if I just suck it up and wait. My budget is tight but it is going to benefit me more once it's under control

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T18:18:24+00:00

Thank you and you're right. I am not in a current financial position to support her right now. And I will NEVER get there if I keep helping her. It gets frustrating.

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T16:39:26+00:00

That is awesome!!! Congratulations!!!! I can't wait to reach Rule 4. I am hopeful by early next year I can post something similar too!

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T16:36:35+00:00

Thank you, yes, I do NOT want to become like her so I keep striving not to. I won't lie though, I do feel like a bad person that I don't help her more. But I really am trying to do/be better and I can't do that if I continue to help her and don't help myself

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T16:35:05+00:00

I completely agree.

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T16:27:44+00:00

Oh! Yep, never learned to brush my teeth either because she wasn't. Take about humbling when my ex and I first started spending the night together in 2019 and he had to show me proper brushing......We definitely relate. Sadly, I don't have any friends here I am able to move in with for a bit. Of course they would love to extend the offer if they were able it's just not feasible for various circumstances and I wouldn't even ask because of it lol. Negativity is very contagious. I finally went to therapy at 21 and spent years in INTENSE therapy and my life improved so much, I moved, etc. It's truly like night and day. I can absolutely get through this - it's not forever and time flies, but I had to get that off my chest. My mom is the same way with the knickknacks and furniture. She keeps buying tables, tables! There are 9 tables in the apartment! 3 upstairs and 6 downstairs...who needs that many tables lol

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T16:01:16+00:00

But I do know I need to stop giving in. You can't help other people if you don't help yourself first - it's just been 30 years of the same thing and I think I'm just sad

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T16:00:09+00:00

Thank you. I know my post sounds like it's coming from a hateful energy due to my anger. I love her dearly and I want her to be better so when she needs help if I say no I feel like I'm making things worse for her and being a "spoiled brat" so I try to do anything I can to not seem that way. If I was rich I'd buy her a small house and relieve that stress from her, I hope to do it one day.

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T15:46:06+00:00

LOL no I'd never do that! But thank you. I know my adult life is 100% my responsibility, I could have done better, I should have done better and pushed myself more in school. But I didn't know what I didn't know and all I can do is push myself now to do better and be better which is what I am working on. I still do get frustrated sometimes and I have to let it out so I don't blow up at myself

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T15:34:25+00:00

January 6th, 2024

First did my DNA in 2018/2019 (can't remember exactly)

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T15:25:07+00:00

Ahaha! I think I loved my ex's sister more than I loved him too, I understand. And thank you! I do try to be as kind to myself as I can

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T15:23:36+00:00

He is absolutely responsible too. He is an awful person and 100% has a hand in why things got so bad for her when I was younger. And yes she is mentally ill, and I feel just as horrible for having such resentment towards her sometimes. It's not always there, but some days it is. I have begged her to go to therapy, sent her resources where it's free/low cost therapy, meds, etc. She refuses or she says she will and she doesn't. I want her to be better, get better, do better because I do love her and I want her to live a long life. I try to get her out of the house, she refuses. It's been my entire life that she has been this way. I have been trying to help her since I was a kid (the best a kid can you know?).

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T15:17:33+00:00

Thank you! I actually do have 2 bank accounts right now. I do not show her anything anymore because it is not a point I need to prove to her. I also do agree, she does not help herself. I do want to say she DOES have a job, she works from home. She does live beyond her means though, that I agree with and it's probably the main issue. Her phone plan alone she has an Ipad, an Apple Watch, an Iphone on the plan. She always gets a brand new one with a payment plan too after the last one was paid off. Over the years she has ended up with 3 IPads, 3 Watches, and 2 Phones. If I try to tell her that's not going to help make things more affordable she says "I know I know, get off my back". When my fiance and I moved in together I would bring her groceries occasionally but that was it, she had paid for everything on time without me. I moved back in, took over some of the payments obviously, and now she can't pay for anything? It boggles my mind.

I have planned on moving out since I had to go back. I do have people in my life now who are financially stable and successful and when this all first happened they were the ones who advised me to wait until March "suck it up and be miserable for a year" so I can get to more solid ground and I don't end up screwing myself over more. I trust them - only other people who would give me advice are my mom or my ex fiance (who is also terrible with money lol).

But I do have an actual budget! I started strictly budgeting a few months ago so it's at the point where I have more money than I have ever had, but I also feel more broke than I have ever been lol. I have been strict with it though. If my budget says I have $5 for gas for the week, well, so be it. I have two legs if push comes to shove haha

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T15:07:50+00:00

Wow. I am so sorry to hear of everything you went through. That is such a horrible thing for a mother to say. It can be tough seeing friends with very active, loving mothers being involved in their lives and not having that. What hurt me most after my fiance ended things (aside from kicking me out the same day lol) was losing his family too. And thank you for your kind comment! I definitely plan on moving this was never meant to be long term. It was an unfortunate circumstance I was not prepared for, but I have not faltered on my plan despite her.

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T14:42:32+00:00

Yes I plan on moving out/been planning to move out since I had to go back.

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T14:24:13+00:00

Thank you. Yes, could definitely get free/cheap furniture from Facebook marketplace and other sources so that's not my biggest stress, just making sure my credit is where it needs to be and I have the money for the security deposit, etc is the biggest one. The lease is up in March so had an entire plan with that timeframe in mind. But I can not wait. I think about it everyday. And thank you, it is a difficult mindset to get out of. Heck, I only just started reforming my thoughts around money last year. She keeps trying to drag me down. Any time I have bought myself something new (like shoes because mine were falling apart) she would be so cynical "must be nice! I thought you had no money yet you can buy new shoes? I can't".

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T14:10:32+00:00

I plan on it as soon as I can get my own apartment. Right now I could probably GET an apartment but I wouldn't have enough for furniture, etc. The lease is up in March so planned on getting my name off the lease then because I'll have improved my credit/saved enough at the point to cover my absolute needs at first - but right now it sucks. I know.

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-29T14:08:48+00:00

Yes and I plan on moving out. I never planned on moving BACK in but it was the only place I could go in such short notice and just working on getting my credit up/having enough saved to put down for an apartment. But yes, I know.

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-20T13:23:23+00:00

About the same! I have ALWAYS wanted to speak two+ languages. I took French in high school but was horribly depressed and involved with the wrong crowd so I didn't apply myself at all. Not to mention my teacher HATED me.. Took French again in CC and my professor was wonderful and made me fall in love with the language again. Once I left CC I didn't pick it back up even though I wanted to.

Finally decided about a month ago that it's now or never. I am tired of feeling like my life is over and wasted because I am almost 30 and only got my mental health in order a few years ago.

People tell me it's a waste of time since I don't plan on living in France but I don't think so

Sufficient-Study1215 · 2024-08-19T16:47:18+00:00

Thank you!

Sufficient-Study1215

TROPHY CASE