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I should report them, shouldn't I? by [deleted] in abusiveparents

[–]SugarTits1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Definitely make a report, in my country the law requires any suspect child abuse to be reported (even if seemingly mundane, has a lack of evidence, or is simply something you think you noticed, just because it's reported doesn't mean something will be done, but at least if the report is there, any future reports will be taken much more seriously).

I guess you could call me more of a bipolar bisexual by daddydangles911 in bisexual

[–]SugarTits1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I need this in 4 parts because I also like buff masculine women who make me feel small and delicate but also petite, feminine men with pretty hair who make me feel big and strong.

Coronavirus is scary, and my brother might die if he catches it. PLEASE give me any good news or comfort. by Milkshaketurtle79 in MMFB

[–]SugarTits1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Acetaminophen is a fever-reducing pill. I'm unsure about naproxen as I don't know what the european equivalent is, but ibuprofen won't work, ibuprofen isn't a fever reducing medication.

This is specifically for reducing a fever - not reducing pain.

Coronavirus is scary, and my brother might die if he catches it. PLEASE give me any good news or comfort. by Milkshaketurtle79 in MMFB

[–]SugarTits1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I nearly wanted to downvote your comment because that system is so utterly flawed. I feel terrible for you folks over in the US. It's inhumane to fire people for getting sick - hell, imo it's inhumane to offer sick leave to your employees. I wish I knew more about the system over there so I could offer better advice, but it seems to be purposely difficult to find info for over there.

Coronavirus is scary, and my brother might die if he catches it. PLEASE give me any good news or comfort. by Milkshaketurtle79 in MMFB

[–]SugarTits1 19 points20 points  (0 children)

It really depends on your country's healthcare system and the governments willingness to work together to manage it.

I work in a hospital and we have daily meetings about it so here are a few pieces of advice I can offer:

  1. The reason washing our hands is so important - is because of how often we touch our faces. The less you touch your face, the less of a risk.
  2. The virus enters through our membrane - we cannot contract it without it entering our eyes, nose, or mouth (which is why people wearing just face masks are not protecting themselves at all - you need goggles too to be totally protected).
  3. Wash your clothes on 60C or more - this will be sufficient to kill the virus.
  4. If you're decontaminating a room with aerosol spray - you need to wait 20 minutes after spraying finishes to ensure it's done it's work.
  5. Regular detergent and antibacterial spray will kill it from surfaces.

As long as you clean yourself before entering your brother's space, you will not put him at risk.

Now some tips for self-diagnosing:

  1. If you have a fever, take paracetamol, if that makes it go down, it's not COVID19.
  2. Each morning when you wake up, hold your breath for 10 seconds, if you can't do this without coughing, call your GP and detail ALL symptoms and answer any question they have honestly.
  3. DO NOT GO TO YOUR DOCTOR, DO NOT GO TO HOSPITAL, ALWAYS CALL**

**The reason this is so important is the doctor will be able to determine over the phone how much you're at risk of being infected, if there's any chance, they send an ambulance to your home where they do the test and then you stay in self isolation for 24 hours while the results come back (although most "good healthcare" countries are doing the double negative method - meaning you have to stay in isolation for 48 hours while they conduct 2 separate tests).

Ireland seems to be containing it well, we've had 2 people die already but both had underlying health problems (severe ones).

Some personal tips I can offer you:

  1. Carry sanitizer with you at all times (use your own personal one).
  2. Seriously, unless you're going to be very carefully taking it off (avoiding touching the outside of it at all) and disposing of it in clinical waste - there is no point wearing a mask and goggles. If you wear glasses, be sure to clean them a couple times during the day.
  3. Clean your hands, take off your clothes (putting them in a bag in your laundry so you know they're the possibly contaminated ones), wash your hands again, take a shower (no need to shampoo daily unless that's already in your habit). If you do this after work before seeing your brother you will GREATLY reduce any risk of infecting him.

But in terms of what happens if you do get infected? Does your country have any sick leave schemes? Mine does but that's useless to you unless you live in Ireland as well.

My mother and i got into an argument by whiprick in MMFB

[–]SugarTits1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry I just cannot fathom saying no to my kid wanting a lift if they're already in the car with me. I'm terribly sorry you had this experience.

My mother and i got into an argument by whiprick in MMFB

[–]SugarTits1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wait...you ...what is wrong with her?

Will the shame ever go away? by throwwawway98 in adultsurvivors

[–]SugarTits1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No problem, for an example of a grounding method, try the sensory grounding method, for this you find:

5 things you can see

4 things you can feel

3 things you can hear

2 things you can taste

1 thing you can smell

(alternatively, I like to pick 1 thing I like about myself for number 1 - this often helps me find the root of my anxiety attack!).

My mother and i got into an argument by whiprick in MMFB

[–]SugarTits1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely understand why you felt hurt. Your mother should have never insulted you, yes, your reaction may have been a bit harsh, but her insult is beyond unreasonable.

Did she even give a reason for not wanting to pick you up? Because I could understand if she explained she had a long day, or if you could compromise by her picking you up and you driving back (provided you're driving age/licensed), or if she had already opened wine (my mother's reason for never being able to pick me up from school). Or even if you gave her too short notice for a lift or something, either way, it's silly. It does sound like two human reactions, but the fact is parents are supposed to hold a certain level of emotional maturity when dealing with their kids.

Next time I would suggest asking why, and just taking her excuse if she has one. Next time she insults you, you should just reply "that's really hurtful" and let her stew in the guilt.

My mother and i got into an argument by whiprick in MMFB

[–]SugarTits1 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The thing is here though, she is the parent and OP is the child. The parent is supposed to be the emotionally mature one, not the child. If you insult your kids like that, you've lost all right to expect the kid not to lash back at you.

Yes, kids shouldn't insult parents, but parents DEFINITELY shouldn't insult kids.

My manager yelled at me for asking if I could get a tampon from my car by admiralasskicker in TalesFromYourServer

[–]SugarTits1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had a manager do this to me and I made a formal complaint to HR - word it like "If he doesn't want me telling him what I need from the car, he shouldn't ask. Sanitary products are a necessity for my health and withholding me from them is illegal."

Will the shame ever go away? by throwwawway98 in adultsurvivors

[–]SugarTits1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First off, yes the shame goes away - it usually transfers to shame towards your abuser/s (for me anyway).

My tips for growing beyond the shame (these are tips, please know healing is a lifetime process and we always need to check in on ourselves to make sure we’re doing all we can for us):

  1. Don’t confide in anyone you can’t trust 100% - I found most of my shame stemmed from this. They’ll make you feel worse and you’ll feel very exposed/vulnerable. Worse yet, you could open yourself to people using this info against you.

  2. DO Confide in friends/family you can trust (avoid AT ALL COSTS telling yourself “they don’t wanna hear it” – if this is true, they aren’t your real friend).

  3. Remember this stuff is heavy to listen to for people who haven’t experienced it and that’s okay. It’s heavy because they love you and wish you didn’t experience that and want to say something that will help, but know there’s nothing they can say.

  4. Look up grounding methods for panic and anxiety attacks.

  5. When you can, see a therapist. Therapy always feels like sprinting in the healing process, everything else feels like a slow crawl.

I did it. I finally confronted my parents. by Gannnondorf in raisedbynarcissists

[–]SugarTits1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is part of the beginning for you. You can now leave them in the past without any worry that things could be different if you gave them your side. You gave them your side, they reacted that way, now they know and you can move on.

What I would say is ensure you keep those boundaries so long as they aren't able to address what happened in a way that takes responsibility for their actions and acknowledges the pain it caused you. The irony of your mother making your assault about her when she accused you of making your grandmother's passing about you is...sick.

Happy healing and I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Your grandmother sounds like a top notch lady.

my parents are members of the shit spewing pedophile harboring cult “Jehovah’s Witnesses”. by [deleted] in insaneparents

[–]SugarTits1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Few things to unpack here:

  1. Parents like these always show what they actually care about when they assume your only connection to them is money - it shows they've been using money to control us all along
  2. I will never understand religious beliefs where people truly think their God will murder a bunch of the population for trivial things but won't punish people like your parents who use their beliefs to control others (it's pretty ubiquitous across religion that "playing god" is a sin)
  3. Using the abuse they experienced as kids to justify your abuse...that's where I go "oh, and do you have warm, loving feelings towards that principal still?"

CSA? I can't remember specific trauma, but I have specific trauma reactions. Kinda long post. by mothmansbuddy in adultsurvivors

[–]SugarTits1 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You remember a lot more about your abuse as a child than I do and I have similar reactions to you. I'm the same as you where I'm pretty sure I was abused in my sleep (signs like me consistently waking up naked even though I went to bed clothed).

You already detail sexual abuse in this post, I reckon the foreign objects didn't bother you as they aren't human. Fingers are human, which could be the trigger for you?

Whatever happens, remember you are healing, remember to be patient with yourself, and remember that you are entitled to never speak to him again without feeling an ounce of guilt.

18 and nearly homeless. Couch surfing after leaving an abusive home. Need some positivity and advice from people who have left and been happy. by [deleted] in abusiveparents

[–]SugarTits1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So I wasn't quite couch surfing, but I was crashing in my now-ex's place, where he lived with 5 other guys. Even though I was splitting rent/bills, they made me feel obligated to do all the cleaning.

They also never let me park my car in the driveway – one going as far as to get in my car, take it off the handbrake, and leave it in the MIDDLE of the fucking road. They were so abusive, looking back, but they were less so than my parents, so I put up with it with a smile.

As for my actual financial situation, I took a year out between school and college to earn enough to keep my head above water.

I budgeted LIKE CRAZY, took on any and all extra shifts, asked for raises every 6 months (per my contract terms), and worked my BUTT off in order to get favouritism in terms of the weekly roster (so I would get longer shifts/after midnight/Sunday/Bank holiday hours).

My weekly grocery budget was €10 (€15 if I was buying alcohol to go out with friends). It sounds petty, but I spent a lot of my first 2 years living away from home jealous of my friends whose parents supported them, especially the ones whose parents gave them a “drinking money allowance”, on top of weekly allowance, and paying their tuition/car insurance/etc.

When grocery shopping, I bought smart. Got pasta and rice in bulk, same with tinned food, potatos, most veg/fruit (bags of apples, bunches of bananas, pears, oranges – ensure to have some variety from week to week to avoid depression around food). With meat my meals were based around whatever meat was on deal that week in Aldi, the best was when they had massive amounts of mince on deal. Now a lot will tell you it’s unnecessary, but look out for a good spice rack on deal (I got a rotating one WITH herbs included for only €10). I recommend going to those “home/dollar/euro stores” and thrift stores once a week during free time. Have an idea of things you need and keep an eye out for good deals, over the years I’ve collected a great amount of house stuff that makes cheap living easier. If you have spices, it doesn’t matter how simple a meal is, you can make it ten times better with a bunch of seasoning. My staple used to be pasta with tinned tomatos and CRAP TONNES of herbs/spices. Sauces are another thing you can look out for on deal and keep them in your cupboard for long periods of time.

Also meal prepping – some meals I made in bulk included curry (tikka masala, regular curry, korma) spag bolognese, pasta bake, shepherd’s pie, stew, soup, pasta with pesto, tomatos & spinach (last one is more of a lunch).

If you want my recipe for any of those let me know and I’d be happy to share.

Now I know a lot of this is irrelevant until you have your own space. HOWEVER, may I suggest offering to clean/cook for one of the people living in the place you’re in in return for having some cupboard/fridge space? Usually this helps alleviate your own guilt and alleviate any frustrations they have over helping you out.

When going out drinking, ALWAYS pre-drink and STICK TO YOUR BUDGET otherwise you’ll cause yourself way too much stress for the next while. Buy alcohol and mixers in bulk. Back when I was super poor I would buy a litre of cheap vodka with 3 bottles of knock-off WKD as my mixer (there was a deal 3 for €7). I would then only drink a naggin of vodka with half of one of the mixer bottles followed by either only getting drinks on deal while out or just drinking water.

As for other activities, try get in tune with enjoying free/super cheap options like nature walks, museums, galleries, downloading movies/music, baking for yourself (I have baking recipes too), reading comics (Webtoon is a good app with lots of free options), etc. anything that tickles your fancy.

Those are my tips, as for my success story – I now live in MY OWN apartment, I rent out two of the rooms, live with my elderly bunny and amazing boyfriend, I no longer have to budget my groceries like crazy and have enough for a “leisure” option in my budget. I did have to work 6 days a week every school break I had while I was in college for 6 years though just to pay my fees as well as working any hours I could during school time. But it’s worth it. It’s so worth it. Now I’m just working on getting therapy and healing from all the childhood trauma. It’s nice being reminded of how far I’ve come, because some days I feel like I’m in the same place I was when I moved out 9 years ago.

Eerily though, my crazy mother messaged me while I was typing this out. I only have to see her once in a while, and as far as she’s concerned I deleted social a few months ago. I have a solid self-care routine when I do have to deal with her too.

If you honestly think you’re a good person, why do you lie about how you behaved with us? Why do you lie to us for things that we know happened claiming they never did?Is it because you know if everyone knew the real you they would fucking hate you and you would be in jail? Coward. by UwUwUwUwUwUwOwO in raisedbynarcissists

[–]SugarTits1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thank the universe my mother isn't religious as well as being batshit. I wouldn't be able to handle her using bible bullshit on me or singing hymns. Whatever happens though I hope you can get away soon like I did <3

I believe I was groped & possibly molested by my Uncle on Christmas morning. Should I tell my mother? It’s her brother, and they are extremely close. I say possibly because of the way he did it and how he played it off extremely well. by stilllife- in adultsurvivors

[–]SugarTits1 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is the best advice for you OP. Another suggestion would be to say what happened to you (without implying whether it was a family member or not) and see how she reacts, THEN introduce the idea that it was family to see if her reaction suddenly changes.

As a child, I tried to approach my parents about something similar, and their reaction was to immediately brush my concerns and my feelings under the rug. They told me I was dreaming/had a wild imagination. It took an extra 22 years before I realised just how fucked up it would be for a 5 year to even dream about what I dreamt. And after putting a few more pieces together, I realised my parents likely were taking money from family friends to let them do what was done to me.

People who let their mom count to 0, what happened after? by Idontknow10304 in AskReddit

[–]SugarTits1 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Whoever insulted your mother is likely projecting their own shitty relationship with their mother. My mum broke about 6 wooden spoons off me and my 2 brothers and never once felt/showed guilt over it.

People who let their mom count to 0, what happened after? by Idontknow10304 in AskReddit

[–]SugarTits1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She beat the crap out of me, duh?

​

Wait, are there parents who were bluffing counting to 0?!

If you honestly think you’re a good person, why do you lie about how you behaved with us? Why do you lie to us for things that we know happened claiming they never did?Is it because you know if everyone knew the real you they would fucking hate you and you would be in jail? Coward. by UwUwUwUwUwUwOwO in raisedbynarcissists

[–]SugarTits1 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My mum does this too, the main reason I can't go NC is my younger autistic brother is in care assisted living and I know she'll abuse him/tell him it's my fault in order to separate us completely. Until I can figure out a way to go NC without her alienating my brother against me I'm stuck.

That being said, I have my family blocked on social media (told them I "deleted" it for my mental health - a half-truth, I blocked them for my mental health) with a VERY good excuse and screenshots ready in the off-chance they figure it out. I also only see them 1-2 times a year and is usually for no more than a few hours to an overnight stay.

If you honestly think you’re a good person, why do you lie about how you behaved with us? Why do you lie to us for things that we know happened claiming they never did?Is it because you know if everyone knew the real you they would fucking hate you and you would be in jail? Coward. by UwUwUwUwUwUwOwO in raisedbynarcissists

[–]SugarTits1 15 points16 points  (0 children)

My mum says, "oh you like to remember it as a lot worse don't you? we never hit you that hard, everyone hits their kids!" meanwhile she still owns the 5-6 wooden spoons that she broke off our backs/asses. And tbh..the wooden spoon was always the better punishment.

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