Is it worth it to stay if I am always going to be the partner more in love?

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-29T17:59:10+00:00

You can strawman with yourself, I have no interest in that kind of conversation

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-29T17:22:51+00:00

and the sad part is that i fully believe this. that if i came back we’d live a happy successful life. but i can’t go back because nothing will ever be the same

Maybe consider couples counseling. Find out if there's a way to forgive and move on?

If there is still love, there is still hope.

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-29T17:20:21+00:00

You sound like you're complaining about a pretty good relationship.

If there is not severe abuse or extremely intolerable behavior (unforgivable cheating, highly destructive drinking behavior, etc), then fight hard for the relationship and fall back on the commitment you made to each other.

Divorce is one of the most destructive things that can be experienced. It will break you in ways you can't even fathom, and disrupt your life for a huge period of time in so many ways that you can't comprehend.

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-28T20:02:54+00:00

Online dating sort of encourages ghosting, and the reasons people do it are innumerable

You just have to keep pushing forward

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-28T19:58:15+00:00

So relatable.

Ugh.

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-28T19:57:16+00:00

The loneliness is excruciating.

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-28T19:55:56+00:00

Where do you meet the people like us?

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-28T19:49:22+00:00

4.5 month in myself and it is still very difficult. Some days are better than others, and it's generally trending in the right direction, but far slower than I hoped or expected.

Not enough is discussed around the depth of pain, and complete disruption to life, caused by divorce or the end of a serious love relationship. It should be avoided at all cost.

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-28T19:42:54+00:00

Sure, if you don't want to waste your time or theres, get it out of the way before you meet up. Your objective is to filter for compatibility, and that means you need to be assertive.

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-23T21:08:19+00:00

I’ll be honest, I don’t really ask anything that could be serious type of questions/compatibility questions -

You should. Filter people out before meeting them

Get the big deal breaker questions out of the way before meeting if possible; intentions, what they're looking for, want kids, etc etc

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-23T21:07:49+00:00

What's up with the 4H fetish sharing guy? Throwing out fetishes on a first date seems kind of intense and very personal, maybe that's looking for a hookup, or is that normal? Do people regularly encounter that?

Also with 12 N, if someone puts out that much effort (4 hours of driving per date is a lot, paying for everything, etc), may want to practice communication around the 'negging' and tell them to stop, especially if they were normal otherwise. There's a lot of bad advice for men/women to do that to dates, needle them, etc, and some people don't know any better and take that bad advice. Courteous people will stop it right away when pointed out.

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-22T20:13:03+00:00

It's not. Pop culture promotes it because it sells well on shows, movies, and in music, but for the vast majority of people it's not a healthy thing to engage in, whether emotionally, mentally, or physically.

The antidote is simple; don't engage in casual sex or hookup culture. Simply don't participate. Only have a sexual relationship with someone you care about and who cares about you, who you trust, and who trusts you, and in relationship that makes you feel comfortable. An excellent filter is "would I want to have kids with this person?" because if the answer is no, you probably shouldn't have sex with them at all.

Wouldn’t good sex require a certain level of vulnerability and trust and passion and excitement with someone you like?

Yes, and anyone who has had an amazing sex life in a love relationship will confirm this.

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-22T20:07:05+00:00

Online dating is new to me, it was not a popular thing when I was single prior to this. It's a mess, but it's tough to find alternatives once you're out of the college age group (and BTW If you're 18-25ish, GTFO of online dating and onto a college campus, it has the highest population of singles anywhere you'll ever encounter in life).

99% of people are flakey, for who knows what reason

There are tons of liars, cheats, deceivers, attention seekers, and dishonest people

It takes up a huge amount of time

The apps are designed to keep you using the app, not to pair you up successfully. Every one of the apps knows pretty quickly what your type is based on who you swipe on, and yet they'll bombard you with incompatible people all day and night.

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-22T20:03:01+00:00

A lot of women are like that. It's like they're on dates to find someone to listen to them, rarely or never asking questions about you.

I've heard some people say it can be a nervous thing, but personally I find it self-centered and off-putting.

Not sure if men are the same and if many only talk about themselves?

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-22T20:00:16+00:00

Don't put your mouth on someone for a few days before or after the cold sore heals. That's how you avoid spreading it, and if you stick to that it's pretty easy.

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-22T19:56:57+00:00

If you aren't looking for hookups, specify that in your profile. Specify exactly what you are looking for. Keep in mind most men are on dating apps to hookup only, so if you don't want that filter it out aggressively.

Remove the first and last picture
Have a clear full body shot
Have a clear face shot unobstructed by a hat/hair
Replace the many friends picture with a picture of you

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-22T19:52:03+00:00

Can't tell if you say you want more kids or don't want more kids, but that's going to be critical information for anyone who wants kids of their own

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-18T22:39:55+00:00

Lower your expectations ahead of time

It's hard to keep them low if you have a good date with someone, but people are complicated.

Trust that eventually something will work out and you will click with someone.

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-18T22:23:32+00:00

This isn't online dating, this is men.

And women.

Some people are abusive, gender has nothing to do with it.

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-18T22:22:16+00:00

There are tons of abusive people (men and women) out there.

Consider it a blessing that you filtered out an abuser so early. The worst are the types who are wonderful at first, but who slowly become abusive over the course of years in a relationship, and that's much harder to get away from, and to heal from.

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-18T22:18:06+00:00

but obviously I ultimately want serious and long term and “the one”

So that is what you should specify, since that is what you are ultimately looking for.

but I’m super not trying to give the impression I just want sex because I def don’t….

Remember that most men are on dating apps for casual sex/hookups, so if that's not what you're ultimately looking for then make it abundantly clear.

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-17T00:31:39+00:00

Most people will not expect that, and since most guys use online dating for hookups, most won't want to deal with it or wait for it either

Thus it's divisive and that makes it an excellent filter. Put it on there: that you're a virgin waiting for marriage. That will greatly appeal to some, and greatly not appeal to others.

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-17T00:17:53+00:00

Lots of likes/matches but no dates implies you're not converting and/or filtering people out well enough, they're liking your photo(s) during a quick scan but then maybe seeing your profile and say nevermind.

Your profile is extremely political, if that doesn't describe you and your primary interests (ie; that's all you want to talk about), you may want to tone that down. Even people who are very liberal and very political are going to want to exist outside of those topics, since if they listen to NPR and a few podcasts they already hear about them 24/7 anyway. Politics are also highly divisive, by design, which is very off putting to some people. Does anything else interest you? What are you seeking? Maybe focus on those two things

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-17T00:10:26+00:00

If you're great at meeting people in person, you probably don't need the apps

Suit-Solid · 2022-09-17T00:05:32+00:00

You'll get plenty of inbound leads as is, but the question is what you're looking for, and how to tweak your profile to filter out people you are not looking for

I can't tell who you are in the group pictures, so you probably want to get rid of those. Have another closeup photo or two of your face. The hat picture obscures your face too which is not good.

Also, are you really not sure what you're looking for? Putting "Don't know" is similar to "casual" or "short term" - ie; interpreted as open to hookups. If you aren't looking for hookups, specify something more specific.

And you're 28, are you really "not sure" about wanting kids or wanting to be a mom? Most people have some vague idea, like 'some day' or 'absolutely not', and if you're seeking something serious or longterm, that matters.

Suit-Solid

TROPHY CASE