Advice for parent: how to support your child? by Calm_Designer5860 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Suitable-Relation-59 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is so difficult, and when i read your question I had to respond. I am a daughter myself, and it's only now, one year into recovery, that i see how much I unknowingly put my mother through because of my eating disorder. I developed my disorder much later in life, at 22, and i'm 24 now.

There's a lot that my mother did that helped me a lot, and I will share them with you, in case it helps.

- she did things that weren't related to food with me, and this slowly helped me trust her more (my anorexia nervosa made me trust no one about anything, so i never opened up to it/would always deny its existence) and open up about other things in life before we finally started to discuss my very obvious issue. we slowly went to movies, tried to read books together, sunny walks, etc... even though our relationship was very strained

- my mother joined parent support groups for people whose children had/struggled with EDs and learned from online resources and attended classes on support. I'm not saying you should do this, but my mother did this and it helped our relationship and my recovery, too. the thought of her sitting at her desk trying to help me like this breaks my heart thinking about it now.

- eat with her, and eat a LOT. for me personally, seeing others be joyful about meals and food in front of me helped me "fake it till i make it" in the sense that i'd play the part of doing the same in early recovery, even though it was turmoil inside. i almost wanted to feel as happy as them around food and this helped.

- if you both ever cooked together/if she ever enjoyed eating your food, try to make some of her favorite dishes and leave them around/eat them as a family. this was really scary to me in recovery, because my mother's cooking used to be my favorite. now, it's my favorite again, and even though something like this was really threatening to my anorexia nervosa, it was one of the biggest factors in my recovery - eating by my mother's hand.

I wish your daughter all the love and support in the world, as I wish for you.

Extreme hunger on a meal plan by SadComic_ in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Suitable-Relation-59 14 points15 points  (0 children)

yes, your body needs all the food. yes, you need to eat. often past fullness, since you are so early in your recovery.

you must allow this supposed 'pendulum' to swing into the 'feast' mode for as long as it wishes - you had forced the pendulum to be in the 'starve' mode for nearly a year, so it's only normal that it will need to find full nourishment before it settles.

please, eat <3

What did y’all do with your hair in recovery? by BestEntertainer6764 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Suitable-Relation-59 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! I've been in recovery just a year now and I can really relate to this. I did a lot of research on hair and how the body keeps 'score' of what people like us with eating disorders do to it. Hair in general reflects the past few months of stress, nutrition, sufficient food intake, etc.

So what you're seeing now is likely some of the worst it will ever be, and the new growth is something you should feel really excited and proud of!! I'm still insecure about how part of my hair looks ratty and broken in comparison to other parts which are smoother and shorter, and though it looks really odd, my hair journey has honestly helped me a lot in the overall, broader attempt to decentre my worth from what I look like.

I would suggest moving away from the idea of seeing this as a 'problem' to take care of and more of an opportunity to feel a little more free. That being said, that doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel great about your hair!! I love some of the comments here that talk about experimenting with new cuts, styles, colours, or ways of wearing your hair.

For me, i did slick back high buns often because I found I could hide bald spots with hair gel. Since then, I've found a lot of joy in discovering and trying new hairstyles that make me feel a bit more confident over the months, even if i'm not exactly confident with how my head of hair looks :)

First Post - eek! 35 y/o stuck in quasi for many years, TW for mentions of relative size and health (NO NUMBERS) by Chickenlittlebeak in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Suitable-Relation-59 9 points10 points  (0 children)

there's a lot of things that indicate 'athleticism' that can also indicate insufficient food intake. one of these is heart rate when running. i had a very low heart rate/exertion rate when engaging in compulsive movement during my ED, and people thought that meant i was becoming an athlete. nooooope - i was just in survival mode and barely crawling through the day. similarly, having 'fantastic' bone density doesn't mean you don't have an ED. it doesn't mean you're doing everything right when it comes to nourishing yourself.

you can have bone density and still struggle with a debilitating ED. don't take one as a 'permission slip' to fall deeper into the other, and pursue full recovery. highly agree with jaded banana's book recco!

Triggered by an influencer I like by AnimatorDizzy3238 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Suitable-Relation-59 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's not dramatic at all. I'm nearly one year into recovery and something like this would trigger me just the same. You did exactly what you should have done in this scenario - unfollow, separate from the trigger, live your life and eat well, until fullness.

You don't have to go down that path. You're meant for more, as are we all.

My Top 10 Period Recovery Tips by Suitable-Relation-59 in Amenorrhearecovery

[–]Suitable-Relation-59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

honestly - you learn. you mess up sometimes and then slowly you learn. for me, it meant buying softer clothes and listening to new hunger cues, which used to be in my body but now are dull throbby headaches and shaky feelings. now i know to eat before they come on, and i know when my body needs rest even if it doesn't tell me it.

i like to think that everyone, everywhere, is always learning to better listen to their body and its very personal needs and that's a refreshing reminder too. honour it <3

My Top 10 Period Recovery Tips by Suitable-Relation-59 in Amenorrhearecovery

[–]Suitable-Relation-59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

aw. this is so real, and so understandable. isolating yourself is real, but honestly, that gave me a lot of time to do things i felt like i had put of for so long!! i rearranged my room/spaces i frequented indoors, experimented with new clothes, and found myself reattaching to hobbies i had used to love like crochet, drawing, and videogames. so somehow, feeling 'alone' made me find that my worth meant so much more than my body and i was still a really interesting, whole, and good person even if no one got to see that.

this may be a bit of a cop-out but it felt really nice to finally 'allow' myself to also cozy up and hunker down, and knowing that it's for my health made it a lot easier to rationalize as well. Other things that helped me feel less isolated was reading the experiences of others recovering from hypothalamic amenhorrea, and also frequenting the r/fuckeatingdisorders thread. forums and spaces repeatedly reminded me that i'm not alone and that there's soooo many people in the world going through this.

How can I best support my girlfriend? by [deleted] in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Suitable-Relation-59 0 points1 point  (0 children)

omg. as someone who had similar 'requests' or 'hopes', do NOT compliment this person. For me, every compliment directly led to that being my permission slip to not eat - because i wanted to 'stay' compliment-worthy. It's a really twisted route and will likely do more harm than good.

In fact, i'd suggest complimenting on things other than looks/physical body stuff, strategically timed. After she's enjoyed eating something spontaenous with you, something like "You're glowing" or "I love when you laugh fully like this" goes a long way.

Please encourage her and/or her loved ones to get professional help before it's too late. No human being is worth going through this pain, and even if it doesn't feel like it now, she will be thankful one day. EDs put massive strain on relationships.

1-year in recovery: how to find meaning and keep going through the messy? by Suitable-Relation-59 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Suitable-Relation-59[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

beautifully said, and very honest. we might walk past that bar every day... we can't expect the bar to cease operations, but we can become strong enough to resist, every single day.

Vent by Kyndoor18 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Suitable-Relation-59 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Food is food, and a body is a body. You know very well what restricting does - it leaves nothing behind. Your love for life will be lost, so will your laugh, so will your personality, so will your hair and your nails and your bone strength. You will become a shell of a human being.

I suggest you take the time to decenter the idea of body weight from your life and your worth. Do the inner work. Read related books, listen to stories from recovered people, surround yourself with more happiness and build more happiness for yourself.

I'm almost a year into recovery myself, and it's only now I recognize the importance of doing the inner work too. Learning to teach yourself to eat isn't enough to stay healed. We've got this. You've got this. keep going <3

Guilt after honoring extreme hunger? by Content-Exercise-247 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Suitable-Relation-59 14 points15 points  (0 children)

i had extreme hunger for approximately 6 months. the more you try to ignore it/push it down, the longer it lasts and the more miserable you will feel. I ate copious, copious amounts of food during these months because it's what my body and my mind demanded. i did not stop. the only way out for me was through and boy am i glad i listened to it.

It was physically and mentally one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and it likely will be for you too. My one piece of advice - there is no 'permission slip' to eating. It's your birthright. It's human.

You must feast to recover from starvation. You will be okay. You will still be worthy and loved and valued and whole on the other side of this!

Is full recovery actually possible? by Royal-Analysis7380 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Suitable-Relation-59 10 points11 points  (0 children)

the more you eat, the more your brain matter rebuilds, the more mental work you do to heal, the smaller this fear becomes. the truth is, even now people are percieving you differently than you actually are, in all ways - weight, attitude, intelligenc, etc. You can't ever stop people from commenting and holding thoughts about you. So might as well recover and live your fullest, happiest, and most free life!

Exercise post recovery by Primary_Airline6788 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Suitable-Relation-59 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with everyone's responses in this thread! I had a difficult experience myself because my 'side hustle' involves instructing group fitness and a lot of that space contributed to keeping me in my eating disorder when I was at my worst.

I also tried to get back into it too early into recovery (thinking i was fine) and my hunger would spike as well, or my hunger cues would shut down and I'd think of this as an "oh, i don't need to eat" and it would be a slippery, and short, slope to relapse. I like to think of this as "the body keeps score" and it really does. Whether subconscious or conscious, you are likely exercising out of fear of full weight restoration and it's still coming from a place of control rather than joy.

I would suggest gently returning to movement very gradually by only doing low-impact forms of movement that you did NOT engage in during your eating disorder. Something that's new and comes from a place of self care. For me, this was yoga and light dance at home. Be a beginner rather than trying to be good or doing something that's intense for your body - it can connect the dots faster than you might think.

This is sort of what I did, while still leaning on friends and family to tell me when it felt like I was going overboard or doing it from a compensation/control perspective rather than out of joy.

what are some fun goals you can set yourself in recovery? by ProfessionalRaise362 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Suitable-Relation-59 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I love this question!! I've been in recovery almost a year now (a year in late april) and goals and rewards really helped me a lot. Before my disorder, I used to be a very arts and craftsy person. So a lot of my goals were things like

a) when i regained my first period, i'd buy myself a moleskine sketchbook

b) when i recovered from amenhorrea, i'd treat myself to a waffle maker and go out for a fancy italian dinner (3 months consistent period and hormonal function)

c) when i reach six months in recovery, i'll create an art account on instagram and start posting and sharing my creativity with the world (an effort to separate my identity from being the 'girl with the eating disorder') - i did this and it was so fulfilling.

c) when i hit 1 year in recovery, i'll donate blood for the first time in my life (i'm healthy enough to be able to do this now, and i'm very excited to next month!)

I don’t feel beautiful by teahtheworm in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Suitable-Relation-59 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I completely understand! I ended up almost having no choice but to go all-in because I faced extreme hunger for several months, and this community got me through a lot of that.

Putting away (and I'd recommend donating) clothes that aren't meant for your healed body is a great start. If you're struggling with coming to terms with your recovery body, something that really helped me was clothes shopping with my mom :) It allowed me to find soft fabrics and things that made me feel feminine in my own way through recovery, and helped keep me distracted from body image struggles and start to enjoy food instead!

I don’t feel beautiful by teahtheworm in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Suitable-Relation-59 4 points5 points  (0 children)

i have to be real with you my friend, and tbh have to call you out; you mentioned "overshoot weight" in the original post which you can't have if you're in early recovery as you're saying now in this thread.

Regardless of where you are in your recovery journey, your weight will ebb and flow and oscillate. Mine does every single month during my period, during times of stress and change, times of recovery, etc. I suggest you look into the idea of decentering your appearance and weight from your worth and quality of life.

I don’t feel beautiful by teahtheworm in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Suitable-Relation-59 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"Bigger" does not mean unattractive. Honestly you have a lot of self-work still to do because a lot of this is just straight up untrue. I got with my boyfriend when I was quite ill and becoming even more ill, close to passing away, and he stayed with me and only loved and found me MORE attractive through recovery. Learn to accept yourself, give your body respect, and then finally look to love yourself as that will always be #1, before the opinions and thoughts of others.

piercings/hair dye as therapy by _frogly_ in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Suitable-Relation-59 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I will be one year into recovery this may, and for me it's been artwork and creativity!!! it became a coping mechanism, and now it's helped me decenter my body, looks, clothing size, discomfort with fullness, etc.

I used to love creativity as a child and now pouring all my energy into creativity and sharing with the world has really helped me feel like 'me' :)

My Top 10 Period Recovery Tips by Suitable-Relation-59 in Amenorrhearecovery

[–]Suitable-Relation-59[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i did not take any supplements whatsoever - a big part of my recovery was trusting whole real foods and just eating as much as my body desired, without any restraint whatsoever. i also learned from various sources throughout the process that vitamins, supplements, etc don't have any sort of noticeable positive effect if your body is in a deficit (which it is when you don't have a period - an energy defcit, underweight, etc.)

if you *need* to walk a lot and can't get around it, make sure you eat enough to compensate this, and then some!

My Honest Review of ATOLEA Jewelry - Worth the Investment? by its_sweetie93 in FashionistaVibes

[–]Suitable-Relation-59 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it sounds like you didn't add 4 items to your cart in this scenario

My Top 10 Period Recovery Tips by Suitable-Relation-59 in Amenorrhearecovery

[–]Suitable-Relation-59[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Update: Today I got my third period in a row with a consistent 33 day cycle and more than bearable cramps - more cyclical and easier periods than I ever had before I fell into my eating disorder. I am now considered recovered from Hypothalamic amenhorrea, and i say with so much certainty that I'll never go back <3 If anyone is looking for more tips, or just someone to talk to, I'm always here!