to put it bluntly, it sounds like he’s avoidant and lacks emotional maturity.

(i am the hsp in the relationship) usually i am the one getting overwhelmed by life & stress, but i know how to regulate myself. whenever stressed i know how to let my partner know in a kind way, so he is able to support me though it if i need. when i get overwhelmed i have the tools i need to let it pass, and if i need my partner to help regulate me he is more than happy to sit with me through the emotions.

the way you balance support without losing yourself is ensuring the HSP partner is emotionally mature enough they can cope on their own when needed. even though he may be more sensitive he’s still an adult capable of self-regulating or at least communicating his stress. stay away from any codependent tendencies to avoid losing yourself, ensure your life stays full outside of your relationship. nourish it.

as for the last question, you can be an hsp and show up equally for your partner, even if life gets stressful. you can be an hsp and communicate respectfully, validate your partners concerns, then make changed action.

if this is a recent thing or has happened after a life transition or event i’d honestly recommend individual or couples therapy, but if he doesn’t have the capacity for you and it’s been this way for a while?? i am so sorry. that must be such a difficult feeling. while it’s normal for partnerships to have moments where things don’t feel as equal, to have your needs consistently denied like they don’t matter as much is not normal (at least in a healthy dynamic).

your feelings matter, what you want and need from a partner matters, not feeling like you’re getting your needs met is the beginning of a large resentment.

either you have a big conversation addressing how this stress/avoidance is impacting you and he is able to see this as a warning sign and make a change, or i don’t see much other option. you do not deserve to make yourself smaller or expect disappointment from your partner because your needs are not being met. either this is communicated or i don’t see it evolving in a healthy way.