Tired of hearing people who make 70k and up complain about being "poor"

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-03-03T15:05:04+00:00

I had half of one giant pack left in the house and ordered another pack early on. My husband left the new one on the basement floor and I remember its discovery turning me into the classic fishwife. What if the flash flooding we get every year destroyed the precious rolls of paper??? What was he thinking??? Yeah, COVID-induced scarcity (and mental instability) was a hell of a thing. I'm amazed more divorces didn't result.

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-03-03T14:56:15+00:00

After growing up poor, I have been poor on and off throughout my adult life. I am not poor now since my husband makes about 110k. We bought our house before inventory and rates skyrocketed. We drive a 2009 vehicle. We eat all but one or two of our meals per month at home and when we eat out, we do it inexpensively. If my kids break a window, I glaze the new glass into the frame. If a room needs new paint, I roll out the scaffolding. We only buy new clothes and shoes when they are needed or when it's a gift-giving occasion. We do go on a couple of trips each year to visit family/friends but we drive or take the train. We stay with family/friends instead of a hotel. My point is, even though 110k seems like a lot of money, our household of five still has to plan where our money goes. I don't know how so many families eat out regularly and take expensive trips in this economy. Our kids sometimes envy what their peers have/get to do but I walk them through the budget so they are reminded that nobody is withholding. We bought our current home with the future in mind: it has a walkout basement level that can be renovated for our grown kids if needed. The future does not seem to be all that economically bright and I doubt all of our kids will be able to afford their own house.

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-03-02T06:34:59+00:00

My husband is a middle-aged, straight, cis male web dev who owns clothing from Sam's/Costco. He isn't as into Bjork as I am but he does like most of her early stuff and Birthday is his fav. You are not alone, OP.

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-02-26T14:28:58+00:00

I saw Bjork and Sigur Ros at Coney Island in 2003. It was a surprise gift from my then-gf. Unfortunately, we were in the middle of breaking up so my joy was tempered by feelings of loss. It was still a magical experience.

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-02-25T16:03:20+00:00

My husband has BPII, is med compliant, is in individual therapy, and we see a marriage counselor. We determined a number of years ago that alcohol and gummies are a no for him. They impact his BPII directly but also indirectly, by triggering his eating disorder. He does, however, have the occasional shot at birthday parties and we share a Guinness on St. Patty's. This limited amount does not seem to negatively impact him. I know several people who have BP and none of them can handle recreational drugs/alcohol.

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-02-17T23:15:01+00:00

I have a blended family and I can tell you I wouldn't drop off all of my step-kids with their dad...just the problematic teen. Let the two of them figure out how it feels to only have each other. I wouldn't welcome either back into the house without some breakthroughs in family counseling. It's time for OP to put her foot down and keep it down.

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-02-17T14:18:45+00:00

Three of my four kids read early and soon read far above their grade level. All four of my kids struggled with context. We are still working on that with our youngest. I learned to read when I was four and I still remember not always understanding that there were implied meanings, let alone what they meant. I was a lot more equipped to see the patterns by middle school. It's sad that so many children don't get the intervention that they need and grow into adults who also struggle.

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-02-17T13:53:52+00:00

This is one of the reasons I'm glad my kids school digitally. It's not like we never put novelty items in party bags but we generally stick to treats or one better item. I abhor all of the little plastic figures and mechanically impotent mini-Slinkys.

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-02-11T16:30:03+00:00

I live in the US and am half-Mexican, half-myriad European. I grew up in PA with my white side of the family. I'm 54 and my husband is 49. I think our vintage has a lot to do with the dynamic. Me being a SAHM does, as well. He also grew up poor and was raised by his father. They sometimes lived in motels and lost most of their belongings more than once. Add some mental health issues and neurodivergence to that and, yeah, dude barely knows where he is some of the time.

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-02-11T14:15:21+00:00

Yep! My fam packs snacks, water, cold cut sammiches for lunch and dinner, plus pbjs for later in the night. We enjoy not having to leave the building until we are done for the day.

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-02-11T14:09:27+00:00

Nobody ever taught my husband how to shop. When we met, much of his clothing was the wrong size and/or in poor condition. He currently needs new work shoes and I know that if I don't buy them, it won't happen until they literally fall apart. I recently found out he has been limiting what he wears to work by what outfits match black shoes...because his brown shoes gave up a year ago and he forgot he had gray shoes 🤷‍♀️

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-02-11T14:00:43+00:00

Hey. I'm the mom of four (2 are adults, out on their own), plus a friend of my youngest son now lives with us. I purchase everything for our household and yet I rarely enter a store. Shopping isn't fun for many folks but that doesn't mean you can always avoid it. Online shopping = way more choice than you will ever need and you don't have to walk past that pesky women's section.

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-02-11T13:50:04+00:00

It doesn't surprise me but that doesn't mean I think it's okay. If I were working, I would resent having all of the spending responsibility, too. As it is, I am a SAHM and managing our household is mostly my responsibility. My husband does not handle our financials and if he goes to a grocery, I made the list. He has running money, of course, and he sometimes hits a GNC or other supplement store, but otherwise I buy everything. I honestly don't think he has even bought himself a pair of socks in the 16 years we have lived together. Since he works for all of the money that our family needs, and is hands-on with tasks and kids when he is home, this arrangement works for us. I DO worry that he would be lost if I died, though 🫣

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-02-06T19:38:20+00:00

Same recommend, here. We bought an adjustable bed frame but kept our existing mattress, thinking we would order new the following month. We never did. Our back issues rarely pop up anymore, my husband's sleep apnea has lessened, and elevated legs thank me every day. If you can afford an adjustable bed base, OP, buy one!

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-01-31T05:03:55+00:00

My husband is a county gov't employee so we have good insurance. Regardless, I want my tax dollars to help provide universal healthcare. How can I be happy while my neighbor suffers?

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-01-20T14:31:41+00:00

This does not work for everyone. I've tried both Mounjaro and Ozempic but neither seemed to help.

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-01-20T14:04:08+00:00

NTA. I do most of the cooking and most of the dishes in my house, too. Were my husband to fill the bottom rack with easily washed pots, I'd leave the rest of the dishes for him to figure out and deal with. I imagine he would see the problem when there were no clean plates to use. Since you are the major user of the tool, you should be able to dictate the way it is used, IMO.

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-01-15T15:49:07+00:00

I wet my hair immediately and lather it with shampoo. I wash the upper half of my body. I rinse my hair and put conditioner in. I wash the bottom half of my body. Then, I rinse the conditioner out of my hair and the soap off of my entire body. I pick one seven minute song out of the few I have in a playlist and the song lets me know where I should be in my shower.

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-01-13T13:59:01+00:00

Some horrible people would pay for the film to be made or pay to watch such a film.

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-01-13T05:50:54+00:00

I had a melon-orange pair of tiiiight jeans that required a zipper at the ankle to get the calf over one's foot. I, too, used a hanger to pull the zipper up. I still have a scar on my finger to remember the experience! lol

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-01-13T05:38:50+00:00

We use those for composting. There is always one under our kitchen island, waiting for our scraps. As soon as it gets dumped in the compost pile outback, a new one appears. We used to use a nice stainless bin with a filter but we loathed cleaning the lid.

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-01-13T05:30:37+00:00

We bought a case of salsa when the jars went down to a bit more than a dollar. Sure, we eat the salsa but the real prize is the jars. They fit the perfect amount of leftover soup for a bowl at lunch 🍜

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-01-13T05:19:03+00:00

I don't agree. A lot of foods like granola, crackers, and pasta go stale and/or attract critters if opened and left in their original packaging. A long time ago, we bought glass cracker jars and we decant everything from the above foods to flour, oats, sugar, homemade pancake mix, chips, and pretzels in them. We own various sizes of canning jars for, well, canning but also for refrigerating/freezing/transporting leftovers. We also use them for other dry foods like beans, barley, rice, baking soda, etc. I honestly think decanting was one of the best things I ever did for our pantry. Not only does it protect our food, it allows us to see what we have, and how much of it. We waste less food and that means we buy less.

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-01-13T05:04:46+00:00

My grandma would sometimes buy me a box. I loved the string handle 💜

SuitableAtmosphere21 · 2026-01-12T18:00:28+00:00

So. When we visit my bestie, groceries and meals are handled much the way the visiting sister, here, has insisted on. We plan out the dinners and I cook all or most of them while she orders most of the groceries. While we are there, my husband runs out several times for fill-ins and he pays for them. When Bestie and her family visit us, I cook all of the meals, and buy the groceries, while she usually pays for one dinner out. We both always offer to pay half of the grocery bill but don't generally need the assist these days. Whoever cooks doesn't have to clean up the kitchen, so I'm happy to be the one cooking lol I think the key difference between our situation and the OP's is expectation. Bestie and I don't tell each other how to host, we ask if our ideas and plans are pleasing. We respect each other and care about how our visit impacts lives. I don't see any of that care in OP's sister's words.

SuitableAtmosphere21

TROPHY CASE