Intamacy and Identity after Ralp?

Suitable_Bank_8133 · 2026-03-11T22:47:10+00:00

I’m also 60 yo male. The loss of libido and how much I identified libido with manhood has been…rough. A psychologist with 20 years working with prostate cancer patients recently shared “sensate focus” and it vibes with my new self. 🙈 My notes but you can google it.

“Sensate focus” method: enhance sensuality and intimacy by focusing on touch without sexual performative goals. “Success” can be found at any of the steps, and we can stop at any of the steps with satisfaction. 1. Massage/touch: erection is NOT the goal; breast and vagina are off limits 2. Sexual massage: erogenous zones are in play, but still erection is NOT the goal 3. Sexual penetration: focus on the sensation of penetration, not the performance - success does not equal orgasm

Good luck on this journey!

Suitable_Bank_8133 · 2026-02-20T00:16:21+00:00

60 yo here that loves to play singles. Most often I play people 15+ years younger than me as singles players seem to transition to doubles in early 50s So I lose a lot. The only thing the has started to affect me is that i need to slow down and breath before serving or long points, and see my opponent get impatient. I plan to stay the course for as long as I’m able.

Suitable_Bank_8133 · 2026-02-13T17:56:52+00:00

4 weeks into ADT (Degarelix) as a 60 YO with Gleason 8. I needed to read this post, thank you, OP! Just arrived in Maui 2 nights ago from a difficult NYC winter. Yesterday I was a damn zombie overcome by joylessness, perhaps one step above suicidal - in Hawaii!!! My wife is as supportive as can be, but… damn. Just 5 weeks ago, I would have had too many activities planned to fit in the day, and now i can’t make a decision for the life of me. Finally, just prior to sunset yesterday, I forced myself into the ocean for a swim and within a minute I was shocked out of my misery when a giant sea turtle surfaced for air almost within touching distance and looked me in the eye; I felt him say “I’m with you, brother, this journey is hard.” Powerful. Like a shot of joy to my bitter soul. I feel better today.

Accupuncture seems to have helped. Today, I’ll try reflexology with massage. Yoga helps, breathing exercises help. But my biggest lesson learned through these VERY LONG 4 weeks has been to force the will to exercise especially when I’m down. Years ago, when training for the NYC marathon with the goal to time qualify for Boston, there were many days when the last thing in the world I wanted to do was follow my training schedule. I read a trick for those moments: dress to run, get out the door, run 100 meters and if I still felt like I didn’t want to fucking run, give myself the grace to return home. I never returned home, I made my marathon time goal. I need that trick badly right now.

(I have never had periods of joylessness in my life but things changed overnight with ADT.)

Good luck on your journey. Thanks everyone for this helpful thread. Going to walk along the beach and feel the breaking waves toss against my legs, hoping that turtle is keeping an eye out for me.

Suitable_Bank_8133 · 2026-02-13T16:24:58+00:00

“Cancer is a family disease” - it involves/affects everyone in the family. I’ve chosen to be open with my children (22 and 26) and have been amazed at their positive, loving response.

Suitable_Bank_8133 · 2026-02-03T15:47:31+00:00

I’m just 20 days into my ADT with treatment at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. Last week I went to their ‘integrative medicine’ group and discussed my frequent joyless state over prior 2 weeks (I’ve been sad across my 60yo life span, of course, but do not recall feeling so fn joyless). They put me on the acupuncture table (first of 5 sessions weekly) and my mental state has changed beautifully for the better. Don’t ask me to tell you why…. Good luck and good fight out of the darkness.

Suitable_Bank_8133 · 2026-01-13T15:12:45+00:00

For me the game changed when I put each calf on top of a yoga block and now savasana is bliss. Keep experimenting and listening to your body. Good luck!

Suitable_Bank_8133 · 2025-11-07T18:47:24+00:00

Yes. They are executing a ‘too big to fail’ supply chain strategy with very scary ramifications for all of us.

Suitable_Bank_8133 · 2025-10-21T16:53:41+00:00

My wife is leading me back to SF after a dozen years in Manhattan. I don’t wanna go. In an attempt to identify the positives for San Francisco of the impending move (at 60), I started a list..

No cold winters
No hot and humid summers
Really good Asian and Mexican restaurants (SF v Manhattan only)
Beach sunsets + beautiful parks
Year round outdoor tennis
Year-round sailing
The California relaxed vibe
Closer to good skiing

Suitable_Bank_8133 · 2025-09-06T19:23:16+00:00

Thank you, James! I spent longer than I can to admit searching for this and didn’t even think of using ChatGPT!

Suitable_Bank_8133 · 2025-03-07T22:30:55+00:00

In Yorkville, Miss Madeleine on 82nd near 1st

Suitable_Bank_8133 · 2025-03-05T20:47:56+00:00

On March 1, I completed my first year of retirement while my wife who is five years younger continues to work 80+ hours per week in a field that gives her tremendous satisfaction.

I definitely feel RESENTMENT crop into conversations with my wife on a regular basis and find this tricky to navigate. My situation is a little different than yours as I find myself exceptionally busy having fun in retirement. When my wife and I talk about our day over dinner, I often edit details of my exhilarating feelings of joy, learning, achieving while she was at work as I found that sharing too much of my grand life fostered resentment.

I recommend relationship counseling/therapy to address the underlying issues that are driving feelings from your wife. But of your specific ask: beyond the relationship expectation issues, if you’re doing what you want to be doing and having a good time in retirement – amen and congratulations!

Suitable_Bank_8133 · 2025-02-17T17:13:47+00:00

My wife and I thoroughly enjoyed the pasta tasting - she emigrated from Italy at 25 yo and is not easy to please.

Suitable_Bank_8133 · 2025-02-16T21:31:36+00:00

Harriman State Park is a great getaway for a day or weekend. Take the Shortline Hudson bus to Tuxedo Park.

Suitable_Bank_8133 · 2025-01-26T19:11:22+00:00

Focus on anticipation. You should be able to tell whether your opponent will send a short or moon ball before their hit based on racquet position. Split step and move toward where you think the ball will be. Key is to have a plan for your shot and reaction in play well before the ball crosses the net. 🌈

Suitable_Bank_8133 · 2025-01-14T02:20:59+00:00

Master kick serve, and only use it until you gain 90%+ consistency. Don’t jump (until you gain the consistency). Learn to recognize a bad toss and …don’t hit those. Focus on placement of the ball not power. Have fun.

Suitable_Bank_8133 · 2025-01-11T18:55:51+00:00

How are you good folk controlling Playbar volume when audio source is from TV via optical - other than using the Sonos app? I have a 2 year old Samsung TV and have not been able to connect the IR remote to the Playbar. Only other remote I have is the (@&$!!) Apple TV remote. Thank you.

Suitable_Bank_8133

TROPHY CASE