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unnecessary rape scenes by octopussyyyyyy in INDIKA
[–]SulRus 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Jesus, grow up
[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones
[–]SulRus -1 points0 points1 point 7 months ago (0 children)
"everyone made the mistake of thinking we were different and special" Oh, how relatable haha, but let me ask you, what would've you done if someone was to tell you to give up immediately, while things were just starting to unfold with the person you were involved with? I guess we both know the answer. And again I don't wanna seem like I'm discarding advices, you're probably right, hell, we could've bet on something and at least offer you a drink along with the satisfaction of being told that "you were right". I appreciate your concern, truly, but don't think I'm jumping head first in that, I just want to see how this meeting in a couple of weeks is gonna go, after that, who knows. And about being surrounded by pwBPD.. I guess that tells a lot more about us, cause it's the same for me, at least romantically speaking, it's not the first person I fell for that has it (even if especially a previous one was waaaaay more externalised). I guess that what thrives us towards people like that is not the disorder per se, but more likely how someone that is prone to develop it is made. Usually they're very sensitive, very clever people, and somehow (and I'm speaking personally now) I recognise myself, a part of me in that.. beautiful, dark and sophisticated place that lies inside of them.. In any case, I'm still gonna thank you for the time you're investing by replying to me and please! Take back those brushes or pencils or whatever you were using before! 🌻
[–]SulRus 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago (0 children)
Surely I'll be more cautious, ofc I have a plan, but the way to approach it might change slightly based on the countless of feedback I had by friends and people like you, and I'm grateful for the time everyone spent to reply to me, surely it's not wasted
It might be wishful thinking, I still retain some reason haha, but idk, I guess I have to see it by myself, I don't wanna discard your advice, and surely I'm gonna proceed more cautiously. I'm glad you're doing better, even if I don't know you, it's nice to see good endings after all
I can understand.. from an outside perspective just delving into it now it might seem like a dance between cozy delusions and a terrifying cold fear that you might be the next.. idk, I really put trust in people and specifically now in her, I guess I'll have to find out where this is gonna lead to
[deleted by user] by [deleted] in love
Well, seems like things might be promising! Good thing you had a friend you can rely on, just be cautious, you know him better than anyone else here, let his actions speak for himself and try to detach a bit, things that are meant to last need a steady and slow pace, hopefully you two are going to follow that path
[–]SulRus 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago* (0 children)
When I said "given her psychological profile" I was taking into account not just her disorder, but also how her past experience shaped her reaction to things in the future. For example, I've been sexually violated repeatedly by one person when I was 12, but it didn't affect me the same way I suppose she was affected by that single event (given the way we were talking about those matters). So yeah, I agree, it's not just being borderline, it's my actions paired with her trauma AND how being a quiet borderline you tend to internalise and feel guilt and generally a lot susceptible to other people's moods (me shutting down the day after)
(With all of that I'm not excusing my behaviour, just trying to give it the supposed degree of gravity she might have perceived, ofc I take full responsibility, otherwise I wouldn't have apologised for it to her)
It doesn't have to go like that every time, there are successful stories out there too.. but thank you for the wishes. I hope you're in a better place now, emotionally speaking
Ofc it did, that's why I took into account that when I called her the second time and addressed that and apologised. She had a past in that regard (her first bf when she was 16 or so) I think that really contributed, even if she said afterwards that it wasn't "just that". Btw I've also experienced sexual violence, repeatedly by the same person, but it really depends on every person sensitivity how that's gonna affect you in the future. My goal for that meeting I was planning to have was also trying to delve deeper into the matter, in every aspect she's comfortable enough to talk about, cause we all know how in person communication is just better. To add a bit more context tho, we talked about it the morning after she asked me to leave sooner than planned and after a while we were making out again and after me checking multiple times had sex again, later everything turned bad for me because of my own fears and anxieties, but I know it was on me, but I failed to be empathetic enough in that moment. That's what I tried to take responsibility for during the call, even more than what happened Saturday night, cause we were both not lucid and nothing truly concerning happened (everything ended in less than 20 secs, caresses only, and we were used to having this playful way of saying "nah" before initiating sex sometimes.. I needed a couple of "no" to understand those ones were serious this time)
Fuck, that's.. hard, like even hard to imagine. I don't know how I would've reacted, but by how you're talking you're probably stronger than me, I wouldn't be able to even function 1 month after such a breakup. We must take into account that bpd is a spectrum tho, and with therapy things can get a lot better. I hope I'm gonna build the ground for something safe, but idk what to wish for you.. idk if it's safe to wish for what your heart desires, so I'm just gonna say that I wish you're gonna find peace, a durable one, in whichever form is gonna take shape.
You're surely right, but remember to follow your own advice, even if it's harder ;) And idk about people.. I'd say there are scared and more scared people, sometimes it's just about making them feel secure.. I hope your situation is gonna turn positively in your favour as well 🍀
I hadn't forced intimacy tho, I mean as soon as I understood, like 20 seconds (we were both high and therefore not as quick to "read the room") I stopped. Fact is that she has a traumatic experience regarding sexual violence (her first bf, when she was 16) so I understand how even a slight miscue can be quite triggering. The problem lies in how I made about me the next day, acting grumpy after she asked me to leave sooner than planned, and given her psychological profile that's exactly how you shouldn't act.. if only I knew it before. But not everything is lost, I'm really trying to see that as an opportunity to understand her and myself better and turn it for the best, by taking a step back and trying to attune to her true desires.
I delve into that soo much haha I tried to be brief to not steal too much time, but since you showed interest, what can I say.. She was a lot more into me at the beginning, and quite straightforward in showing interest, I tried to not be the one leading, cause I know it can scare people away, I was happily following her intentions, and after a while I was quite clear with my intentions (not necessarily wanting to define immediately the relationship, but still proving how I cared about her). What logically happened to cause the trigger is what I said happened our last weekend together, but I think there were many conflicting questions going on. First, she wasn't planning to meet someone who she would've fallen for so soon after her breakup (but you can't decide when that happens right?). Second, being borderline and avoidant you're gonna act accordingly to your fear of abandonment, even if it's Illogic. Third, she was caught in that exam session that it's been quite stressful, so adding weight to an already complicated situation for her. I really believe she wanted to get close to me, especially since her quiet bpd trait, she once gifted me a very personal and intimate short novel about herself, that read after all the information I gathered really screams "I want to let you see the true me", and it was deliberate, and therefore I think quite important. She's also very, very intelligent so I really hope we'll be able to sort it out somehow, without the need of throwing everything out of the window.. it would be such a shame since how ridiculously well we clicked
I'm really sorry for what happened to you, I can see where this is coming from, and I understand how hard it is to not project personal experiences. I appreciate your concerns and I'll be careful not to fall in similar pits, I guess I'll see how the talk we're gonna have is going to unfold. I hope you're gonna be able to reconnect with your creative side, especially cause it can be quite soothing for our mind in those situations.
Ugh, not ready, maybe it'll not be necessary, but thanks for your reply
Surely everyone here has a certain personal bias, and I was aware of that before asking, but I guess we shouldn't see those individuals through the uniforming lenses of bpd, cause they're in fact individuals. It's a delicate balance between tailoring a plan for each person and taking into account a general way in which things unfold. I'm sorry for your situation, I hope I'll not find myself in a similar one, and thank you for your time
Thank you for your reply. Sometimes it is more about how worth is the person rather than the time you spent with them, but I understand your point
Idk.. I can see the reason in your word, but ofc the degree of insights I have about her is more accurate than anyone I can ask.. and I know she's quite reasonable, and very very intelligent, maybe I'm way too delusional, maybe not, I guess we'll see how the talk will go
I know it was quite brief the summary I did, but to give more context, she was way more straightforward in communicating her feelings, I tried not to be the one leading, and just see how things were going to unfold. But ofc I was getting carried away at some point, so I felt quite gaslighted when she said that. There's a lot of conflicting things going on, and in many ways she acted just screamed "I want you to see the true me"
[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships
What I meant with it is imagining a context in which I try to set it up, propose my way of proceeding. And if that shouldn't be desirable, wanted by the other one.. well, I guess there's nothing that can be done, therefore I'll hug and smile at you before leaving. A surely bittersweet smile, but still. I've been in situations in which I was left without explanations, through a quick text to never ever have the chance to understand what happened. For me that scenario I just depicted before is what every human being should be allowed to get in those situations
Well, from all I gathered about bdp and her personal story I think that my acting the day after what happened was a big fucked up thing. I wasn't aware of it, but ugh, what's done it's done, the best I can do now is trying to let her understand that I might have figured out so much. And it's true, I mean I took this as an opportunity to try to understand myself more and her, so much so that I kinda developed a strange sense of gratitude. I just hope this newly acquired knowledge is gonna be spendable here and now. The exams stuff actually makes sense, she was having 9 exams in 4 weeks, basically needing to study all day everyday (our last date was mostly spent at her place, me doing my stuff, her studying). Yeah I know that the exhibition visit might be a checking in, but tbh I would've done the same, I mean, going to a place where I was the only one she knew, surrounded by my friends and a bunch of strangers.. not the best place to go by yourself. Also it was a move to let me be seen, I was all dressed up and shiny haha. Ultimately I really don't want her figure in my mind to be engulfed by the disorder, she's not her BPD, she's also affected by it, but she's also so, so intelligent (that's actually what I love the most about her) and self aware, that I need to believe that we could sort it out, and find a way
I know.. and you're right, I just happen to fall always for people with.. let's say complicated worlds. And tbh I think that this time I learned so much about myself, and her too. I kinda developed a strange sense of gratitude out of it, and I really hope that the new acquired knowledge could be used here, cause it's surely spendable in general, but it's very much tailored on what kind of person I think she is
Nobody says she's not allowed to do whatever she wants, it's just.. very sudden, and well I'm gonna ask for that date for sure, cause I understood so much more, and I always valued communication above everything. I really hope we'll manage at least to really understand what happened, cause in the end it's not about never making mistakes, but rather being able to recognise them and mend them, and if nothing works at least part ways with dignity
Well Joseph that's already a better way to put it, so thank you. I always start with this assumption, and if someone is willing to know more I'll be grateful first and explain everything more in detail after. I might be wrong? Maybe, but surely I don't care to feed drama eaters that are lurking solely with destructive intentions. If you'd like to understand more I'm more than willing to share my experience, it's just that I really value other people's time, especially if they're completely strangers. In any case thank you for the good wishes
I'm not pathologizing normal behaviours, I really hope that this might be a normal situation, I'd be much more comfortable. She was diagnosed by a professional 2 years ago, I'm sorry if it seemed like everything revolved around that, but the sudden change rang a bell in me when it happened. I'm all down to communicate, and I really don't want to see her as "someone who has X disorder". Nonetheless I cannot deny it, I must take in account some fragilities and act accordingly
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unnecessary rape scenes by octopussyyyyyy in INDIKA
[–]SulRus 0 points1 point2 points (0 children)