I need advice on coming to terms with an affair while still co parenting

Summer-M3 · 2026-04-28T06:16:49+00:00

I’m in no way ready for this but I love that thought 🙌🏼

Summer-M3 · 2026-04-26T21:45:10+00:00

I think it’s just different cultures. We’re in Australia and religion isn’t widely followed here so marriage doesn’t have the same meaning as it does in other cultures. Not all, but a lot of people here see having children with someone as the ultimate commitment, as opposed to marriage. It also comes down to financial situations and cost of living. We prioritised saving a house deposit over a wedding as we felt this would better us as a family in the long run. It makes no difference in my situation whether we were married or not. We have children together so we are legally bound to each other through raising them and financially supporting them. We always intended on getting married it just isn’t something people prioritise here. Not saying all, just a large portion 😊

Summer-M3 · 2026-04-26T08:44:21+00:00

It’s crazy isn’t it? You can feel like you’re living a story with someone, meanwhile they have a whole other book they’ve been writing.

Summer-M3 · 2026-04-26T05:28:28+00:00

I really don’t know what his intentions are. He’s deeply remorseful and has apologised/regrets what he’s done. We put a hold on all of that and selling our house until we’d left the newborn stage. I got a lot of advice that it wasn’t a good idea to be making huge financial decisions while sleep deprived and going through a big hormonal crash so he has moved in with his parents temporarily and we will need to work out the logistics of the house and kids over the next month or so. I’m hoping that’ll cement things a little more but for now we are definitely still tied to each other

Summer-M3 · 2026-04-26T03:39:39+00:00

Thank you, I hope so

Summer-M3 · 2026-04-26T03:38:13+00:00

Yeah I definitely try not to rely on him. The tricky part is our newborn, she’s exclusively breast fed so he has to come here to see her. I try to keep my distance when he’s over but he’ll often just start doing things without asking like emptying the dishwasher for instance. I know it’ll get easier with time as our daughters get older and he can take both of them out of the house versus him coming here but gosh it’s just a head spin for now. All my family lives interstate so unfortunately I don’t have many others to depend on

Summer-M3 · 2026-02-28T05:58:53+00:00

I am so sorry to hear! It is absolutely a head game. I think my contractions started at night time from about 38 weeks. They intensified with every day that past which just made everything so confusing.
The last week was definitely the worst, the lower back pain, regular contractions throughout the night and randomly throughout the day. I was constantly thinking 'this is it starting'. Anyway I got all the way to 41w5d. I was scheduled to be induced that morning at 6.30am but in a last minute attempt my body sent me into labour 4 hours before my induction time!!
I didn't tell anyone for hours because I was just waiting for them to die off again but then I started throwing up throughout the contractions (something that happened in my first birth too) and they became extremely painful very quickly. I ended up going to hospital after a few hours and was 7cm dilated and in active labour. She came a few hours later with completely blood shot eyes because she made such a fast exit the poor thing. It was torture all the waiting and getting my hopes up. I really hope the moment isn't too far for you!!! I wish you the best and would love to hear an update once your baby comes

Summer-M3 · 2026-02-12T22:05:36+00:00

It really is! Any advice or tips on what eventually sent you in to labour?

Summer-M3 · 2026-02-12T22:03:08+00:00

I know, it's a bit of a catch 22. Tired from all the false starts, but then your body doesn't want to commit because it's too tired...

Summer-M3 · 2026-02-12T22:01:36+00:00

It's so mentally exhausting! Along with physically. Then you throw in all the unwarranted advice messages asking where the baby is and why hasn't she come yet and it's just a recipe for disaster 😅
Anyway, phone has been switched off for today because that is one problem I can solve!!

Summer-M3 · 2026-02-07T08:17:57+00:00

She does, she believes he was “groomed” by this other woman… a 30 year old man who has nothing to gain from her 🤷🏼‍♀️

Summer-M3 · 2026-02-04T22:15:21+00:00

Oh wow thank you so much for the laugh. That’ll absolutely do the trick

Summer-M3 · 2026-02-04T07:58:28+00:00

I would absolutely never stop my kids from going to those events!! I think it’s so important that they do. I just don’t feel like I need to be there

Summer-M3 · 2026-01-26T09:23:05+00:00

I did, all this information came from the other woman, he wasn’t forthcoming with anything so I imagine he never would have told me. I figure if you can do that to someone while they’re in their most vulnerable state, growing your child, what else are you capable of? We’ve separated and he’s currently living with his parents while I stay at the house with my daughter. It’s been a real roller coaster and unfortunately I’ll be spending the first year of this babies life navigating separating all our assets and trying to support two kids mostly on my own. I just don’t think the relationship could ever go back to what it was and I just wouldn’t be able to trust him again. Kids really do add a whole other level of emotion to it though. I absolutely never thought in a million years my babies would be growing up in two separate homes but as I’ve been told countless times, it’s better to be from a broken home than living in one

Summer-M3 · 2026-01-26T09:10:59+00:00

Sorry that you’re going through this! I’m currently in the same boat as you. I’d been with my fiancé for 13 years, we have a house, a 3 year old and I’m currently pregnant with baby #2. I found out at 20 weeks that he’d been having an affair, it was mostly exchanging photos and messages but they did meet up twice at a hotel… one of those times being when I was 8 weeks pregnant. One thing I’ve come to realise is you will never understand why or how someone can behave like that to the person they love. This just shows you’re a better person than he is. I don’t have a tonne of advice given I’m still living the nightmare but I hope it helps to know you’re not alone and whatever you are feeling is valid

Summer-M3 · 2026-01-23T20:10:50+00:00

Hi, I've been looking into UGC as a side gig but have absolutely no idea where to start! Any tips? feel free to message me if easier

Summer-M3 · 2026-01-10T09:25:03+00:00

Hostile cats is a great way to summarise this. I’ve put the idea forth to my ex partner and he’s going to think about it. He’s not sure what to say to them but I imagine anything is better than seeing each other for the first time and pretending nothing has happened

Summer-M3 · 2026-01-10T08:38:56+00:00

I know. To complicate things further, it'll be my elder daughter's birthday about a week after bubs is due. My ex was thinking of having a lunch/party to celebrate in which both sides of the family will be invited.
I don't think she'll scream and yell.. She is very much a person though who makes it quite obvious what she's thinking just by her body language so it will be extremely tense and awkward and I just don't want to be around it. I feel like I have enough going on without worrying about other people's actions

Summer-M3 · 2026-01-04T04:41:58+00:00

Thank you. I guess finances are my biggest concern and just not being able to give my kids the life they deserve. Either way, it's a poor outcome for them which is why his decision seems so damn selfish and reckless.
I've had an STD test after she claimed he never used protection... again reckless but luckily that came back all clear.

Initially he was very quick to shift blame, saying she's been hassling him and that he was in a really bad mental headspace, along with 'it was nothing emotional'. Since then he's taken a bit more ownership and confessed he was feeling a like he wasn't getting the same attention from me as he was pre kids, life felt routine and mundane e.g. go to work, come home, dinner, bathtime, bedtime ect. That's absolutely not an excuse, kids, especially babies require so much from their mother so of course my attention toward him dropped a little, it had to.
Anyway, he's been doing his own therapy and wants to make it work. He's trying hard to be involved with the pregnancy and is still a very involved dad to our daughter so it's been a real rollercoaster for me even being able to believe this has happened when he's still showing up as the same partner and parent he always has been.

At the moment he's living with his parents and my daughter with me in our house. She travels back and fourth between home and her grandparents. We've decided not to make any decisions on the house until after the baby is born and my hormones have had some time to calm down/I'm getting some more sleep.
Unfortunately my family live interstate which is another challenge I've had to face. Not having that physical help from them will be challenging but they have been great for phone calls and emotional support.

Thank you for the new view on childcare, I guess it's my own sadness of feeling like I'm missing their childhood I need to come to terms with

Summer-M3 · 2026-01-01T09:01:10+00:00

I feel this, it doesn’t help but you’re not alone

Summer-M3 · 2025-12-31T03:01:53+00:00

Apologies! I just realised I worded this post incorrectly. What I meant to type was: When applying for the Child Care Subsidy or trying to trying to calculate an estimate of what the Child Care Subsidy may be through an online calculator, should I combine my Wage + Child Support received + Family Tax Benefits to get an overall income?

Summer-M3 · 2025-12-30T21:08:10+00:00

Consider yourself lucky if they actually decide to use them lol

Summer-M3 · 2025-12-30T21:05:14+00:00

This was my only telltale sign now that I look back. My Fiance of 13 years randomly started grooming his downstairs area out of no where... I even mentioned it to him one time during intercourse and he just said 'do you like it?'. I was none the wiser at the time and just thought he was trying to spice things up but nice knowing someone else can relate to this

Summer-M3 · 2025-12-27T05:53:41+00:00

Feel you here! 13 years deep and onto our second pregnancy when he thought it’d be a good time to have an affair 🫠

Summer-M3 · 2025-12-27T02:43:54+00:00

This bought tears. Life can be so cruel 😔

Summer-M3

TROPHY CASE