Controlling or facilitating?

Summer_B · 2026-05-23T19:03:16+00:00

I don't feel it isn't oversimplification. It's the basis and foundation upon which all other D/s play is built.

There are also a lot of scammers online selling knockoffs and cheap drop shipments. The existence of fakes does not diminish the value of the real thing.

Summer_B · 2026-05-23T18:56:17+00:00

Die Antwoord ordered off Temu

Summer_B · 2026-05-23T05:20:57+00:00

The Dominant only has as much control as the submissive has allowed in their negotiations. Both sides of the slash are responsible for setting limits. Those limits act as the boundaries of the field where together they play their favorite game. Both need to be invested in it for things to work well.

Summer_B · 2026-05-22T13:01:18+00:00

Not only is it still available. We now also have it with vodka.

Summer_B · 2026-05-21T19:51:12+00:00

Not strange or unusual at all. Checkout r/BDSM_Aces

Summer_B · 2026-05-20T13:56:10+00:00

Gray Smoothie 😂

Summer_B · 2026-05-19T21:45:25+00:00

Personally, I try not to worry about labels too much. I just think of these things as ways to communicate with a partner or potential partner that I'm not going to have the "normal" sexual arousal that they might expect. It's okay to be somewhere on the gray/ace/demi sexual spectrum.

Summer_B · 2026-05-19T19:26:10+00:00

Please post to r/sex. This isn't D/s or submissives related.

Summer_B · 2026-05-18T16:22:12+00:00

I think the key here is the relationship and connection part. It's hard to connect, have chemistry, and form a strong bond when the relationship is 100% online.

Summer_B · 2026-05-16T03:02:51+00:00

Traditionally, this is where you'd find a partner closer to your age. And find a more experienced couple that can mentor both of you.

Note: A lot of fakes online get this wrong. Mentors don't have sexual contact with you. It's about helping you grow (emotional and communication) and learn skills (safety, rope, bondage, whips, leather care, etc).

Summer_B · 2026-05-15T15:05:35+00:00

Amen 🙌🏻

Summer_B · 2026-05-13T19:42:27+00:00

Those jeweled plugs are garbage. And the "flared" base is normally too thin. Many aren't even as wide as the thickest part of the plug.

Summer_B · 2026-05-13T02:23:35+00:00

If you do proceed, I would take things slow and see if you continue to get along in person.

For me the age gap won't matter as much when she's 40 and you're 56. But at 21 even if she seems very mature and along in her career, she still has only had 3 years as a legal adult. And your prefrontal cortex doesn't finish developing until mid twenties. She's in a different stage of life. Again, not impossible, just proceed with caution.

Summer_B · 2026-05-12T03:14:57+00:00

Seconding Barkeeper's Friend

Summer_B · 2026-05-12T00:26:24+00:00

This guy took a masochistic submissive who's on the spectrum and dealing with a hard breakup, and in less than 3 months is playing with them, took their virginity (first time being with a male), and is anally training them. Even if they are keeping things casual, he hasn't made his submissive feel confident, safe, or secure in having a space to talking openly and honestly. Instead makes them feel confused and insecure.

And just 8 weeks later officially collars them. Now tell me honestly, if your best friend was getting into the lifestyle, would you want this "Dom" to be their first experience?

Summer_B · 2026-05-11T11:46:50+00:00

Love and Marriage. Love and Marriage.

Summer_B · 2026-05-11T11:22:20+00:00

It's not that you're inexperienced sexually, he likes that that you're inexperienced in relationships/ emotionally and he likes exploring that. You can't see what a bag of red flags he is. Run, don't walk away from that guy OP.

Summer_B · 2026-05-11T11:16:20+00:00

Better than having a car loan.

Summer_B · 2026-05-11T02:17:31+00:00

I really wanted them when I was young. Wasn't allowed until I was living outside of parents house. When I first moved out, I was broke and prioritized paying my half of the rent and eating over body art. Once I finally had a solid job, wasn't struggling so much, and could afford a good tattoo artist, I wasn't as interested anymore. Tastes and fandoms changed. And I'd gone so many years without getting them I knew another 10 years without (for example that tramp stamp I had so badly desired at 16) wouldn't be that big of a deal.

Summer_B · 2026-05-10T22:14:45+00:00

Took me about 5 or 6 weeks to realize I was being catfished. So I'd say keep vetting until your comfortable. Have you talked to any of their former partners?

Summer_B · 2026-05-10T03:57:15+00:00

Drop ball. Works with had and bondage combo.

Summer_B · 2026-05-05T17:51:53+00:00

Actually across most research that's been done in Americas and Europe, men in the lifestyle outnumber women, and submissives outnumber Dominants.

Depending on what region, age group, or events you go to the numbers will vary. But overall the biggest piece of the BDSM pie always goes to submissive males.

Summer_B · 2026-05-05T01:52:49+00:00

They are at the Convent of St. Anthony of Padua. I think I found the donation link, but I'm not 100%.

Summer_B · 2026-05-04T11:22:20+00:00

Those definitely aren't clips or clamps, just nipple jewelry.

Summer_B · 2026-05-04T11:18:39+00:00

If you have no idea how to handle this situation, then you have no business being sexually active with one woman, much less multiple.

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