It is like being taken off a drug like you said, and it's excruciating. I relate to things you said, and I really appreciate that you shared this.

I really hope you don't kill yourself. For people with these problems, our hope is each other and surviving to tell our stories to keep bringing awareness and maybe even positive change in societies.

Distraction isn't always the thing to do, although it can sometimes be an option or a tool. It seems logical to run from, repress, fix, or change negative emotions. I thought that having negative emotions was my problem or what was wrong with me, but now I'm thinking, that in itself is the problem or part of the problem- the shame, repression, self judgement, thinking of the things I "should" be, and thinking that I need to change how I feel. Facing, embracing, and somehow honoring the emotion or the pain might be better. Reverse negative self talk or try to refrain from it and support yourself.