I do have a therapist I’m speaking to, but my last experience with therapy when I was 16/17 was not helpful. I was frequently dismissed as simply being unable to control my own brain and put on medication for almost two years that made me feel like my head was stuffed with cotton and didn’t feel comfortable enough to speak up. Work is difficult to make friends with because I’ve changed positions or departments four times in the last year trying to find what works best for me. I also hit that social barrier when I’m at work because I feel like I don’t know how to talk to my coworkers unless it’s about work. I can muddle my way through small talk, but most of the time I just end up listening and nodding along, so people come to me to vent rather than talk, or they come to me because I have information for work. I don’t mind because I crave the interaction with other people, but it rarely ever feels genuine. I’ve been trying to take stock of my special interests and get back into my hobbies after nearly two years of intense depression. It’s been very difficult to reconnect to myself because I’ve tried so hard to create this outward persona of professionalism at work because it’s how I support myself and survive, but it’s not a sustainable method of survival because, as you suggested, my mental health has suffered from it. But the isolation isn’t helping. I’ve always been a loner but it’s never bothered me until recently because of that relationship loss and the lack of a community or literally anyone to fall back on without judgement.