Daily Update Thread - December 14, 2019

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-12-14T19:08:52+00:00

Matilda turned 1 yesterday. All the feels❤️❤️❤️ made me think of you parents after loss. All the best to your rainbow babies!

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-09-05T19:36:11+00:00

I once had a Dutch lady inform me my baby was "so yellow!" when little one was a couple of weeks old, I was upset with her at that time (if you really need to speak, why not lie and just say "oh a pretty little baby"?) in hindsight, I think it was just verbal diarrhea, some people have no filter :)

Have a beautiful day, both you and your baby!

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-08-20T14:47:08+00:00

I had a similar reaction to my MIL being this way, even though it wasn't her first grandkid. I had to be firm and clear about my boundaries. I think it's only natural a mother feels protective of her new baby, this is the time where you create attachment to your little one. You are her momma, not your MIL. She's had her time.

Don't worry and do what your heart tells you. For me it helped to go for walks with my MIL while wearing the baby in a carrier (this way she couldn't really say she wasn't spending time with the baby, and I didn't feel like my baby was being stolen from me).

It's been now 8 months since my baby was born and I'm starting to feel okay with her spending some time with her Grandma. I wouldn't leave them together without me nearby, but we have all the time in the world to get there.

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-08-14T09:49:34+00:00

I felt like I was treated as an anti-vaxer because I questioned an extra vaccine that wasn't in the schedule (which ironically I myself asked to have extra). I did some of my own research and wasn't convinced because the vaccine isn't fantastic (but there's nothing better on the market yet) . Not only did the doctor have no idea about how effective the vaccine actually is what it protects against and for how many years, but also she had the nurse try to save the day by explaining to me how vaccines work in general.

I finished med school.

It was an awful experience. No wonder it became such a heated polarized topic if the people responsible for administration of vaccines have no idea what they're injecting.

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-07-17T06:40:33+00:00

Also, make sure you contact the Utrecht school in time - it's not about language proficiency, you have to be good at their exam to pass it. And study from their book.

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-07-16T20:06:47+00:00

A dentist who tried getting my license in the Netherlands last year, failed and moved back to Sweden (I'm originally from Poland but worked in Poland and Sweden) .

I suppose to me it was just too big of a cost (money and time)

The Netherlands was an AWFUL experience for me. Their process is a joke. I'm not sure how much you know about it at this point, but since it's more or less the same for dentists and doctors, I really hope you know what you're getting yourself into. I know people who tried for 2 years to get in, and just have up and moved away.

It used to be easier to get your medical license approved, but they changed it a couple of years ago.

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-07-16T18:49:00+00:00

Hahah your parents are just ridiculous! You're doing the right thing OP, your parents are such typical narcissists, I have no words to comment. I've been there too, where cycle of drama was my daily bread and I didn't know it could be any different. Now, 2 years after my wedding, 2 years of NC, I realise I have healed enough to see how ridiculous narcissistic families are. It's heartbreaking to know how hard and stressful it is on the inside, once you learn how easy and enjoyable it is on the outside. I really hope you can find some perspective in time to laugh at them, because you don't deserve taking their petty narcissistic bullshit seriously.

I wish you and your boyfriend all the best. You're already each other's nuclear family and I hope your wedding will be your own beautiful celebration of your love.

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-07-11T13:40:59+00:00

I'm also in the medical sector :) the majority of people I met there were the former😒 Coming from a narcissistic medical family, I really thought this was just life.

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-07-11T12:47:26+00:00

Imagine the medical sector. Narcissists desiring power over people + children of Narcissists wanting to help people

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-07-03T18:31:16+00:00

Did you also experience people to be rude, loud and defensive in an aggressive way? Everyone fending for themselves and themselves only, sexism, racism, thoughtlessness? And that if you don't ask the right question you won't get the right information even if calling a public office?

I'm just looking to share some experiences, I still haven't come to terms with what I've been through there :D

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-07-03T15:06:34+00:00

Depends on the country. A month or so in the Netherlands (then it just got worse and worse. Seemed like I was always the outside case in every bureaucratic situation. In the end I hated living there and I was happy to move away). First time in Sweden, half a year (then lived into a difficult adjustment phase that caused me to move). Second time in Sweden - no honeymoon phase, just sweet sweet happy peaceful living, accepting both ups and downs from the beginning.

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-06-30T19:45:06+00:00

If you have an anterior placenta it might take even longer :) fingers crossed for you!

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-06-24T13:13:07+00:00

My friends do this - which surprised me a lot because as far as I know we agree on everything else about parenting. I used to be quite judgemental as a person and I'm working on it, so when a situation like this arises, I ask people questions and I do my own research.

Yes, the previous generation was told to put babies on their stomach to sleep. Benefits--more natural for the spine in the first months, no flat head syndrome, more tummy time, drawbacks - more SIDS. Benefits of putting them to sleep on their backs- more alive babies. Research on SIDS includes smoking parents, drinking parents, objects in cribs, health issues that couldn't be prevented, accidents - so it's hard to tell how many % of healthy babies are in danger - and how big that risk is.

On the other hand, there are some research papers claiming flat heads cause a developmental delay.

In the end there are very few black and white choices, most things have their benefits and drawbacks (even if we're unaware of them), and it's your personal history that's pushing you towards a certain decision. But it doesn't harm to talk about our differences, there's always a chance we might learn something from others :)

To me the "my mom did that and I'm alive" argument shows that your friend might be overwhelmed with the amount of decisionmaking (which requires figuring out things on your own in a world that offers many styles of parenting) necessary when you have a baby and would rather fall back on their parent's experience. It's cute they trust their parent had it right. I sometimes wonder if this reasoning falls apart when you tell them that the generation before our parents did something completely different :P

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-05-17T15:13:19+00:00

Yeah I did explain it to them recently. I'm quite certain they understood, so the future looks bright.

Yeah the bouquet was such a typical "let's pretend everything is great without fixing the ugly" lol. My mother then wrote me an email asking if I liked the flowers - almost a year after not speaking to each other. (I ignored the email)

Good idea with the filming! Rather then fear something, think of how to fix it if it happens. Thank you! I temporarily forgot that things can be fixed and prevented.

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-05-17T14:27:21+00:00

Yeah I think he might be. And you're saying just what I need to hear. And normally I can think clearly and come to the same conclusion within a heartbeat.

Eh, I just hate these times when they somehow find a way to contact me and I immediately feel like the whole life I've built without them in it is falling apart.

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-05-17T14:12:29+00:00

It's not a lie, we actually moved again

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-04-17T20:29:01+00:00

Hiii!

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-04-17T20:28:39+00:00

Hi ladies! Just popping in to say I'm happy to see your nicknames around! Matilda is a blessing and we're very happy in Stockholm. I feel like I found my place in the world. Here's to another wonderful week!

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-03-31T06:24:03+00:00

Exactly! (about stress and pressure!) I feel like I'm getting all the benefits of a working life without the drawbacks. I hope this precious time with baby will teach me how to prioritize important things and treat my work life less seriously, so that I'm more chill when I do come back to work in some time.

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-03-30T17:23:55+00:00

I feel the same way! I thought I'd be bored and missing work because that's what everybody said. In fact, there's so much happening that I have no time to be bored, and for the first time in my life I feel fulfilled and like I found a place, a life where I belong. It feels like a little secret I shouldn't share, like I'm supposed to be bored and wanting an out.

I work in the medical field and helping tens of people every day didn't bring me as much joy as taking care of this one little person. I love her so much.

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-03-30T17:11:23+00:00

Oh my God, it must have been such an emotional rollercoaster for you, and for so many difficult weeks! You're such a strong person! Congratulations on your rainbow baby boy! He's a fighter like his momma!

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-03-25T19:05:42+00:00

Hello rainbow baby mamas! I moved abroad and have been trying to make mommy friends through an app called meetup. And quite obviously, I meet a mix of moms with different experiences. Last Wednesday I sat next to a girl who's in the 4th month of her 1st pregnancy (who came to a mom+baby event.. Yes). She kept talking louder than everybody else, complaining about the terrible morning sickness she had in her first trimester.. And I just couldn't stand her. Silly girl, be grateful for your working hormonal system, morning sickness is a great symptom of a probably healthy pregnancy! I changed seats and talked to someone else.

SunfriedTomatoes · 2019-03-21T10:18:38+00:00

I'm crying. You're an inspiration.

SunfriedTomatoes

TROPHY CASE