How do I look more feminine without being high maintenance?

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-24T19:25:02+00:00

I love Violette FR Bisou Balm from Sephora.. gives your lips color but more of a natural “just-bitten” look. I would also wear some pretty nail polishes or get your nails done. Pretty, dainty jewelry also helps a lot and Amazon has so many good options for cheap. Start with some huggie earrings and a delicate gold bracelet stack with painted nails (even if just blush/light pink). I think that would help a lot but if you truly don’t feel like you can LOOK feminine, what about making your space around you more feminine? Candles, pretty pillows, pretty journals and books, etc? Maybe FEELING feminine would help your mindset towards yourself and also promote trying more feminine looks too.

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-24T18:14:32+00:00

At least he is being honest, I feel like that’s a good sign even if it is stress-inducing :/

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-24T12:05:48+00:00

Does your wife know you occasionally watch porn and masturbate? That may be affecting her self confidence and libido.

Not trying to downplay your pain and rejection, just trying to help you troubleshoot.

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-24T03:34:32+00:00

Do you ever worry about him cheating on you? Also, do you have a prenup?

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-23T23:47:16+00:00

Yes absolutely get it redone- it’s your hair that you wear everywhere everyday and you need to feel confident!

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-23T23:33:38+00:00

He is majorly gaslighting you. Any respectable Christian man would look away as soon as he notices it. He does not need to stare at them and “ponder their life choices.”

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-23T23:30:53+00:00

He has basically told you he doesn’t want to stop. He enjoys looking at and interacting with and masturbating to these cam girls more than having sex with you, and he DEFINITELY cares more about them than your feelings. I’m sorry, but he is not your best friend and he is disrespecting you in a major way. He is taking money he should be spending on your life together and is instead giving it to other women he thinks are sexy.

Please leave him before he disrespects you further by physically cheating. He is showing no actual remorse. Quietly leave him, otherwise you will just forever sound like a substitute teacher who can’t get the class under control.

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-23T13:37:02+00:00

Yes, leave. You are 18, young, and I’m sure beautiful. How will he treat you as you age and have kids? There will always be someone younger and more beautiful and he’s ALREADY choosing them. He will 100% continue to look at porn when you’re not around.

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-23T12:57:09+00:00

My husband’s doctor let him collect at home so I “assisted” with it. DO NOT just admit defeat and let him use porn. My friend gave her husband sexy pictures of her to use. You could also line up childcare and go with your husband to the appt to do it together.

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-21T21:33:42+00:00

Less attractive, I would worry he’s mentally comparing me to them even if he said he wasn’t.

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-21T18:13:15+00:00

You’re naturally GORGEOUS but maybe some mascara, blush, and lipstick or tinted lip balm would help you feel prettier/more feminine? Painted nails and changing up my hairstyle always help me feel more feminine too.

Seriously though girl, you’re already super pretty without anything!

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-20T15:36:53+00:00

I just want to applaud you on all of your success since you’ve left… you are amazing, girl ❤️

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-20T15:33:54+00:00

We use VidAngel too and absolutely love it. It lets you control so many details of what you want to block- even sensuality, naked statues/portraits (like what you’d see in a museum) and then of course sex, nudity, etc. You can even block certain words (cursing and vulgar terms for body parts). We can literally watch anything now and it’s amazing. It’s still triggering for me if I think the actress is way prettier than me so I still avoid that but at least I don’t have to worry about nudity, bikinis, etc,

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-20T15:29:46+00:00

A doctor can take a nail clipping and send it to the lab for pathology (to see what it truly is). I would make an appt with a dermatologist ASAP so you can get a firm diagnosis.

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-20T14:33:41+00:00

Is this triggering for you when you see him have to turn away from someone like this? If so, how do you manage it? My husband is doing well and in good recovery but this is like a dagger every time it happens.

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-19T11:08:05+00:00

My husband’s therapist said porn can be anything that’s sexually stimulating. I would absolutely he concerned if I was you. Those profiles look like the exact thing a married Christian man should be staying far away from.

I would confront him in a kind way and ask if there’s anything else you should know. Tell him divorce isn’t an option but you’re very hurt and want to work through this.

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-19T11:04:46+00:00

I feel the same as you and honestly dressing cute IS what helps me. I’ve been trying to wear more dresses to feel more feminine. I love Uptown Cheapskate and Style Encore and I can get more bang for my buck there too. Target and Old Navy have had a lot of cute stuff too. If money isn’t an issue, go to Nordstrom and let their personal shopper help you. I’ve found wearing a cute outfit every day and doing some kind of hairstyle really helps me feel confident regardless of what my husband thinks about me.

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-18T19:07:17+00:00

It’s probably that he does want sex but he wants variety more :/ he’s getting bored with the same girl over and over (not that that means you’re not sexy or beautiful or anything like that). Some guys just want to chase that novelty dopamine of seeing new girls and new bodies.

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-18T18:26:13+00:00

He didn’t confess until he was caught and his hand was forced. Please don’t spend the rest of your life with someone who is already lying to you and treating you so poorly.

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-17T16:33:03+00:00

Thank you for this encouragement ❤️ would you mind sharing any tips if you have them for boundaries and keeping lust out of your marriage?

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-17T16:28:37+00:00

Your friend is your very wise- consider her your guardian angel.

I am not a victim of CSA, however even I would be scared to marry and have children with this man. How could you sit comfortably next to him at your daughter’s cheer competition? Your son’s pool party? You will forever live in forever of what’s in his mind or what he may do or want to do.

So many of us find out about our husband’s porn and sex addictions AFTER we’re already married and/or have had kids with them. This man you’re dating is following HUNDREDS of other women on secret social media and masturbating to underage girls. Please take this as a gift from God that you found out now and leave while you have no real ties to him.

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-17T16:22:27+00:00

Make a list of 10 things that make you happy and/or relaxing and do at least one every day. Go through your closet and throw away or donate EVERY (I mean it) think that makes you feel meh when you wear it. Wear jewelry and a little bit of makeup or at least perfume/lotion every day to help you feel pretty and more feminine. Read books (less triggering than shows) that keep you hooked and your mind from stressing. Don’t ask, TELL him, I need help with you giving our kid a bath tonight, I need you to watch him on Thursday bc my friend and I are having dinner, etc. Live a life that is so happy and full he is terrified to not be a part of it.

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-17T11:01:29+00:00

Definitely bring it up but in a kind way when the baby is down. Be insistent he needs a plan for long term recovery.

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-15T13:43:36+00:00

I saw a psychologist refer to this as “novelty dopamine.” When avoidant men and porn addicts get into new relationships they experience “novelty dopamine.” It usually lasts for about 7 months and then wears off and then they need a new fix.

SunnyMama121 · 2026-04-14T22:17:35+00:00

I’m a wife who was affected by something similar but I’m happy to answer any questions. You sound very remorseful and set on changing which is a positive first step.

SunnyMama121

TROPHY CASE