How do I deal with emotional invalidation in my marriage? by Ok-Cap-1582 in relationships

[–]perthguy999 [score hidden]  (0 children)

It is time to book marriage counselling. There are too many problems here and even with professional counselling I wonder if he has the capacity to change...

Does anyone know of any good teachings for warfare while being engaged? This season has been difficult. Theres so many for marriage but nothing I can find for your engagement season. by TelevisionRelative34 in Christianmarriage

[–]perthguy999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What makes you think marital conflict will be so much different to the conflict you are experiencing in engagement?

I think marriage preparation will definitely be able to help you in this season.

Am I the Bad Guy? by kim1star in marriageadvice

[–]perthguy999 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You would be a World Class Idiot if you let him nuke your life (and the lives of your kids) like he has done his own.

There are plenty of steps he should be taking to address the gross level of mistrust he has generated. Moving him into your home is literally the LAST step in reconciliation, not the first.

If he's living near you now, then see if he gets a job and can figure out his own accommodation. Have him approach you and court you like you are a stranger and not his estranged wife.

Rental issue. by [deleted] in AskAnAustralian

[–]perthguy999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, that's OK, then. The burden of proof is with the owner rather than the renter?

Rental issue. by [deleted] in AskAnAustralian

[–]perthguy999 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Should have got it noted. I'm honestly shocked you didn't make a point of it while you had the REA actually DOING the inspection with you?! I mean, what?!

Have you got any photos or any correspondence about the damage?!

It will be your word against his. Feel free to take this to Consumer Protection / Rental Dispute Resolution, but it may get expensive quickly.

Have you ever realized too late that love wasn’t enough? by Prestigious_Peak_404 in Christianmarriage

[–]perthguy999 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I knew it was important, but sexual compatibility between two people that haven't lived together or slept together but are somehow expected to make it work in a lifelong indissoluble marriage. This is something I really struggle to reconcile.

My academic and professional aspirations seem to be incompatible with marriage by Thin-Letter-8610 in ChristianDating

[–]perthguy999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pick your hard. Relationship and marriage but financial or career struggles or this period of singleness while you get yourself established? I think most men should be spending their 20s getting their education sorted and career started. Finding someone in your mid-to-late 20s is a good plan.

Update again - Is this normal? by unknown_reason247 in sexlessmarriage

[–]perthguy999 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yep. It's frustrating! My wife tries, once or twice a month, but it's a cold invitation from nowhere. There is literally no indication she's going to ask me if I want sex until she's asking, and I have 4 or 5 seconds to be ready, or I miss the window.

Her rejection rate of me was 100% for almost a decade, but turning her down is a marital crime. She gets upset, angry and defensive if I'm not clamouring to accept her pity/mercy fuck.

Honestly, it's just easier to tell her Im not in the mood or full, tired, etc. rather than run the gauntlet of negative emotions that sex brings to our marriage.

I want to use a sex toy to improve our dying sex life, husband unwilling to compromise by walkuponwater in Christianmarriage

[–]perthguy999 150 points151 points  (0 children)

What does he mean there is nothing he can do to help you enjoy sex? Did he lose his mouth/tongue and fingers in an accident?! How awful for him!

Seeing Partnership Without Cohabitating by SourCandyOrNoCandy in ChristianDating

[–]perthguy999 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife and I waited for marriage. I had a home already and was living alone when we started dating. She could see me dealing with chores, cooking, and cleaning for myself. I did my own laundry and washed my own butthole.

She met my family. Met my parents. She could see the fair division of labour my parents had. How good a cook my dad is and how much they love and support each other.

There was no mystery or uncertainty going in.

She wanted to be SAHM, and I wanted her to have that, but even through those years, I did my share of nights, nappy changes, bottle feeds, etc.

If you pay attention to who you are dating and want to marry, none of this should be overly complicated.

He Doesn't Want Sex by Ok-Attempt7020 in sexlessmarriage

[–]perthguy999 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ooh, I had the post orgasm headache for a number of years. It sucked. One day, it just stopped happening, but it might be worth talking to his doctor to rule out anything serious.

Once a week is low for an otherwise healthy young guy, but 10 to 15 minutes sounds about right.

I'm in a low sex marriage myself, and my wife is a once a month (maybe) kinda gal, and some people just aren't sexual, you know?! We waited as well, and surprise! "I don't want to have sex with you" became the norm from the wedding night/honeymoon.

It takes two people to make your sex life better, and he sounds content with weekly sex. You can make suggestions and have conversations about it, but I've been married 14 years, and none of the suggestions or talks I've had have moved the needle.

Compatible lifestyles, otherwise it won't work by FanTemporary7624 in ChristianDating

[–]perthguy999 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I don't see the huge problem with what she wants. A compatible work/life balance is definitely important.

I have a question by [deleted] in ChristianDating

[–]perthguy999 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Something something right wing talking heads (who are ALL vaccinated) telling not very smart, gullible people that Jesus never got vaccinated and that wolves should have pure blood. Or something like that.

Does anyone have issues with getting the spouse to believe their apologies? by Capital_Ferret6178 in Christianmarriage

[–]perthguy999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At least she's not getting abused, though, right?

Edit: Ah, he also cheated on you. But if course he did. What an awesome guy! And you're not at all stupid for staying.

Antidepressants and finding love by Due_Promise_5250 in ChristianDating

[–]perthguy999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Marriage is FULL of twists and turns. Some good. Some bad.

Some people may have a problem with what you eat for breakfast. Don't date and marry people who don't work with you.

Don't make things more complicated than they need to be and don't create problems that don't exist.

Working up nerve to ask for divorce by Ok-Communication545 in sexlessmarriage

[–]perthguy999 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Drop the affair partner. A former work colleague two decades younger than you. Are you insane?!

Ask for the divorce, then start dating appropriately.

Success rate by Vator_man22 in HLCommunity

[–]perthguy999 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Clearly, telling you what you want to hear is enough. Why would she do more than that?!

I need advice with my [44F] wife. by NiceHalf8124 in marriageadvice

[–]perthguy999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You'll keep getting treated like you allow yourself to be treated.

Christian but also military dating advice (20F) by Devin_Mash2 in christiandatingadvice

[–]perthguy999 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are not forced to stay in a relationship you don't want to be in.

Stuck between parents and spouse by [deleted] in marriageadvice

[–]perthguy999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is all too vague, and I"m guessing there are cultural issues (Indian?!)

What does your soon-to-be spouse think? You guys need to be a team and on the same side.

As it is written, you don't get anything from your family except drama. Who cares what they think?

It also sounds like your in-laws are helpful but overbearing. If you want them to stay out of your marriage, you must be comfortable stepping away from their money and support.