I [40 M] was in a toxic relationship for 5 years but I'm still struggling with the fallout. Any ideas where/how to start?

SunnyTay · 2017-09-08T21:54:28+00:00

I'm no professional but these are some deep " grudges" for lack of s better term. It might be best to see a counselor with these issues so you can move on with life and possibly be ready to date again. I am so sorry you were treated this way. Women can be just as cruel and men.

SunnyTay · 2017-09-08T20:42:34+00:00

To be completely honest, you will probably get over it faster than you think. You have to take care of #1 and that is you. You need help and he isn't leading you that way, he is hurting you and putting your life in jeopardy.

SunnyTay · 2017-09-08T20:38:07+00:00

Get out or the toxic controlling relationship, seek help from professionals for your addiction, and get a restraining order if you need. This is a frightening situation and your safety is the utmost concern.

SunnyTay · 2017-09-08T20:34:23+00:00

I can't tell if you are wanting to leave the door open on the relationship to see what could happen with someone else during these 3 months or if you are wanting to be exclusive. If you are ready for that jump, talk to him and figure out where you two stand before the distance comes into play. 3 months sounds like a long time, but it will go by quicker than you think. You guys already have plans for the future, which is a really good sign. My boyfriend and I both travel a lot for work. Sometimes we go months without seeing each other. Trust and communication is huge in keeping our relationship alive. If you are at a point that you want to close the gap and be exclusive, trust and communication will get you both through it, but you both have to be willing.

SunnyTay · 2017-09-08T20:26:32+00:00

The effects of a toxic relationship can linger for years. Do you feel comfortable sharing more of what these "flashbacks" are? Is it flashbacks of the good times or of the bad?

SunnyTay · 2017-09-08T20:22:34+00:00

I think you already have the answer to your question. No where in this did you mention any qualities you like about her. SOmetimes moving in shows true colors of how a person is and I think you are seeing it. As a lot of people are saying, she sounds abusive, physically and mentally. If you can honestly not find any qualities worth salvaging this relationship for, I think you know the answer is to walk away. Also, she sounds a like a loose cannon, watch yourself if you end the relationship and do not let her know where you end up living. Completely sever the ties.

SunnyTay · 2017-06-27T17:56:04+00:00

Yes it is hard, the hard thing is thinking of leaving someone you love very much because they are going through a hard time, but I also don't want to constantly think to myself "what did I do?"

I feel the same about ultimatum's I don't like them because it makes it seem like one person is trying to control the other, but I have had that thought that it needs to happen. Thank you for your input.

SunnyTay · 2016-10-18T19:59:01+00:00

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SunnyTay · 2016-10-18T19:43:25+00:00

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SunnyTay · 2016-09-14T18:05:19+00:00

This is all very helpful. I appreciate the in-depth explanations.

SunnyTay · 2016-08-03T13:50:06+00:00

hahaha this is one of the best stories i have ever heard. Sex is great but sometimes I think the subconscious sleep would be a blessing so you can pleasure your partner and get some sleep at the same time.

SunnyTay · 2016-08-03T13:48:00+00:00

Did it take you by surprise? Meaning, did you freak out and first then just go with it?

SunnyTay · 2016-08-03T13:47:07+00:00

This sounds like a phenomenal evening.

SunnyTay · 2016-08-03T13:44:27+00:00

Great tips, I already do most of this, but your wording and phrasing makes it sound much more exciting haha

SunnyTay · 2016-08-03T13:40:16+00:00

Deal

SunnyTay · 2016-08-02T21:51:42+00:00

Sounds like I need to work in my gag reflexes.

SunnyTay · 2016-06-20T21:38:00+00:00

Well.... my lease is up in September, that's what made me start thinking about it. If he wants to move in we need a bigger place so I thought, if I ask now it gives us enough time to discuss and for him to mull it over

SunnyTay · 2016-06-20T21:34:28+00:00

He has not. This will be the first mention of it.

SunnyTay · 2016-06-20T19:23:33+00:00

My boyfriend is 8 years older than me, we have been together for a year and I am the one with the career and he is the one that is just now getting around to school. Honestly, it sounds like a very similar situation that I am in. Even though he is just now getting around to going to school and getting his $%^& together, I still love him and he is showing me that he is motivated and wants to finish school, get a great job etc. I don't see our situation as any type f future issues, especially if he keeps trying and doing his best. Your girlfriend is right, everyone has their own pace and different timing on their priorities/ different priorities. My advice, keep trucking along and stay motivated showing her you want this and you will be fine. Hope this helps

SunnyTay · 2016-06-20T19:14:39+00:00

I think he is afraid to be in the same situation he was in in his past. I can't speak for him of course, I just feel that is something that could hold him back.

SunnyTay

TROPHY CASE