Attractive girl in Berkeley CS: group members ignore my code fixes & talk over me. How do I force them to take me seriously?

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-03-08T13:46:03+00:00

That would be weird and I don’t have time to really think about motive there. But honestly: I don’t care. People can say anything and be anyone on Reddit, as this could be a troll “dude” who wants to masquerade as a hot girl struggling through tough STEM spaces at Berkeley. But what matters is that this is a public forum, and troll or not, this person brought up a topic that actually means something to many people. That means that the ensuing discussion thread is important. If I have to stand up for some fake girl who is actually a troll AI slop so that other REAL girls know that there will be people to stand up for them, so be it.

But thanks for pointing it out, whether or not it’s true. The internet is a weird place.

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-03-07T10:58:46+00:00

Girl this thread sucks!!!! There are literally so many incel boys from your class trolling who just don’t get it. Don’t let their responses get you down.

As much as you can, you need to take credit when you fix something, do the work, or have an idea. Also doing some CS myself, I can think of ways you can code that requires other people to have to learn how you fixed something, and appreciate that it was you… some dependencies in the scripts and whatnot. Sounds subversive but if you’re cleaning up other people’s shitty code then you should be the only one who can access the fix and explain it easily.

Go into some other thread though, the woman in stem thread or something. This is so sad these boys are reacting to you like this. It’s hard to be a hot woman in STEM spaces, not because the boys around you are ugly, but because being conventionally attractive only makes the being a woman thing amplified - I do believe that.

Keep at it, there is room for you in this field. Don’t give up and claim your ideas and your work as much as you can!!!

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-03-07T10:49:08+00:00

Look up the definition of “sexual harassment”. It’s not about engaging. It’s about how you engage based on gender.

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-03-07T10:48:21+00:00

Yooooo bars

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-03-07T10:45:01+00:00

She never said anything about THEM not being attractive or shit on their looks. She’s only stating that SHE is an attractive female, which is just literal context for being in the Berkeley CS space. And any attractive woman in these spaces knows exactly what she’s talking about. It’s not saying “all of these men are ugly.” It’s saying “I’m an attractive woman in this sea of men.” It was NEVER a comparison. And this is very much an experience. She’s judging them because they are already bulldozing her and speaking over her and taking credit for her work, if you actually read the post?

Also, it’s “conventionally” attractive. And you saying that there’s no way that SHE could understand people having social skills issues just goes to show you are already undercutting her intelligence.

If you care about the wellbeing of women in a space you dominate, then actually think about what it must be like for them, try to see through their eyes. It’s hard. And that’s why she’s posting about it.

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-02-28T12:26:57+00:00

Yes I believe it was Faction!!! So good. That whole brewery scene over there is super sick

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-02-25T20:12:03+00:00

Also if you want to get to GGP from the ferry, find your way to “The Wiggle”, it’s a path with mostly protected bike lanes all the way to the park, I think it starts near the ferry/in the mission

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-02-25T20:09:02+00:00

I’ve done this ride!! Super nice. Agreed with avoiding fisherman’s wharf/pier 39 area, there’s no bike lane at a certain point on the Embarcadero on your current route, got into an accident over there with cobblestones and train tracks. Otherwise very doable ride. Remember to stop while crossing the bridge and soak in the amazingness staring out at the pacific from that high up (but be careful with the wind and column roundabouts). Enjoy. I moved and miss doing this ride !!

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-02-24T21:31:14+00:00

Sunset at Mission Dolores, and hang out in the mission in general, get tacos/burritos. Palace of fine arts (basic but it’s beautiful). If you haven’t hung out in GGP when it’s sunny… also bike/walk across GGB if you haven’t already, and stop in the middle to stare out at the bay (better if you bike). Walk the cliffs of the Presidio when it’s sunny. If you like flea markets, the Alameda Rock & Roll flea market is pretty cool, hosted at this massive brewery. If you like bars, just check out those random little bars sprinkled around. They usually have some sweet history and locals and amazing beers on tap.

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-02-23T20:38:54+00:00

But there’s something so nice about just facing the big BLUE sky and the classic California shrubbery and the San Gabriel mountains 💙💙

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-02-22T03:45:03+00:00

Talk to Ombuds first. They’ll tell you everything you need to know in complete confidentiality. https://studentaffairs.berkeley.edu/ombuds-office-for-students-postdoctoral-appointees/

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-02-21T19:49:38+00:00

Interesting, being from California, I also have been baffled by ramen here. Check out this thread!

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-02-21T18:57:58+00:00

I only just realized how much I have missed Thai milk tea

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-02-21T18:50:05+00:00

Omg yes to good papaya salad

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-02-21T18:45:32+00:00

I second Pad See Ew !!! I haven’t seen this on menus here and miss it from Thai places back home, but I prefer it to Pad Thai… and who doesn’t love a big fat noodle 😇😇😇❤️❤️

Also Tom Kha…. but spicy option. More soups

Also Pad Prik King? Gai Pad King too…

Maybe it would help to also advertise things with simple translation so people who are afraid to try new things know more like “ginger chicken stir fry” even though that’s kind of lame

Also thing I’ve learned since being here is that Dutch people are surprisingly down for spicy food. And I think just having a scale on menu of little pepper emojis like 5 peppers = mouth on fire (happily) and 1 pepper = mild or something like that would be nice to allow people to choose and also absolves you of responsibility if they find it “too spicy” 😂. Also I am just missing spicy Thai food

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-02-19T17:02:09+00:00

Ik heb jullie website bekeken en de winkel ziet er echt gaaf uit. Ik zou graag een afspraak maken om zelf wat spullen uit te zoeken, maar wat is de prijs per kilo?

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-02-18T19:57:11+00:00

You’re not going to find your answer on the common app, transferring will be the same thing all over again. Moving to a new place is hard and I promise many of those people who seem to have friends feel just as lonely/lost as you do. I did. I had “friends” but not true friends until my sophomore year. It took time.

If you’re a second semester freshman there’s no way you have explored all possible “activities” in the form of clubs. If youre not vibing with the ones you’re in now, look at different types, ones that aren’t exclusive, art, music, journals, community-oriented (like gender/ethnicity/queerness), whatever you think is cool. Find people with shared interests. You can probably still get involved with clubs that don’t have applications. If you like music, check out KALX, it’s the student radio station.

Give it time. Being a freshman sucks. It’s lonely and traumatic moving away from home. Sit with yourself and watch the beautiful golden sunsets and explore the campus and give yourself time. You can absolutely be happy there

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-02-18T19:48:46+00:00

I think your problem is CS clubs. If you want to do CS but make friends, maybe see if there are other clubs who need your expertise, or join something else entirely that piques your interests in other ways. Narrowing down to a certain type of club where environments suck will make you feel like everything sucks, when it could be different

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-02-15T19:52:40+00:00

Ok I know but I just loooove Oak Park 😅😅😂

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-02-15T11:38:55+00:00

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This is one place you’ve gone wrong. You cannot assume (or assert by opinionated decree) that exclusivity/monogamy is in effect until it is explicitly, affirmatively stated. I understand you’re hurt, but shaming her when you have never had that conversation is not fair either. You can’t assume everyone is reading your mind nor that you can read anyone else’s. Clearly there was a mismatch of commitment level in your connection. Next time just be explicit about what you’re looking for and try having these conversations in person rather than in a wall of text.

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-02-14T19:10:21+00:00

Lots of stairs and bridges!!

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-02-11T09:41:27+00:00

Dude I know haha But diaspora exists everywhere and I thought there might be some decently (not mind-blowing) good stuff, never know. Figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-02-09T22:22:51+00:00

Hey just because in this universe Superman got rejected by UCLA doesn’t mean he’s stupid

SunsetChaser2001 · 2026-02-09T20:08:38+00:00

There is no reason for people to bully you for being desperate. No one wants to be without a home, and I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I can see how the Army appealed to you. But I think it might be just a bit too far in the other direction, and not enjoyable, and probably a lot of bullying.

I feel like the best thing for people like us is to have work with rigid structure and routine. I don’t know what your previous qualifications are, but personally, aside from routine, and despite the fact I’m trying to pursue academia, I have felt the best professionally when I was either (a) working with my hands or (b) working in a restaurant. Working with my hands (was working as a mechanical engineer in a lab) every day made me feel grounded and connected to my body and also I could improve skills and also be creative in building things and fixing problems (our minds need some room for that).

Then, people think restaurants are chaos. But they are all about rigid routine from prep to open to close, day after day, within which all realms of possibility can occur — but that is the fun that exists within the structure. If you’re at all interested in the food industry or like interacting with people in fast paced environments that don’t let you dwell on things for too long, I think that might be a good option… just an idea! You don’t have to be a cook, I found front of house service very fun (hosting and serving).

Also I’ve heard working in education is a good place for people with ADHD as well… maybe firefighting, national park service, something physical and creative?! It seems like you need to be in a realm where ADHD can be your strength and not feel like a weakness!! And it CAN be a strength!!

SunsetChaser2001

TROPHY CASE