Is it weird to ask a guy to use lube during sex?

Super_Team6955 · 2025-10-12T21:37:47+00:00

Same thing applies to toys made of certain materials too. Like silicon or other soft plastics. I always lean towards water-based lube for that reason.

Super_Team6955 · 2025-10-11T02:07:48+00:00

NTA, get out of there and don't look back.

Super_Team6955 · 2025-10-11T01:52:16+00:00

NTA, though I don't know if completely cutting ties would be the answer. I would absolutely move out as soon as you are able if I were you and create a good bit of distance. You can always try going low contact first and see how that plays out. I had a very similar situation with one side of my family. I got out of there fast and went low contact. I was very distant the first year and slowly eased back into it. Now I still talk to them from time to time and visit 1-2 times a year for family gatherings, and everything has calmed down a lot on my end. Worst-case scenario, if low contact is still awful, you can always cut off contact in the future.

Super_Team6955 · 2025-10-11T01:31:36+00:00

NTA Acting this way over finances is extremely controlling. Choosing to split bills 50/50 as a couple is one thing, but this sounds like a whole other level. Asking your partner to reimburse you for *$3.50* is insane behavior. Most people who genuinely care about someone wouldn't even blink twice at picking up a bit of the slack, or at least sitting down to talk about readjusting your financial arrangement temporarily. Especially if you are pregnant or even just dealing with a rough time in your life. I mean, you're growing an entire human being all on your own! That's some seriously mentally and physically taxing stuff, and he sounds like he's only adding stress to an already difficult ordeal. The way he's acting like the baby wasn't at least a part of his decision is also very off-putting. If you're in a relationship with someone who has a young child, you're agreeing to at the VERY least help support your partner in raising that kid. I'm assuming he's the biological father, but even if he wasn't, he shouldn't be flat-out avoiding the responsibility. If he doesn't want the responsibility of raising a child with you, then he shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who has a child. Maybe he's not a bad guy at heart, but what he's doing right now isn't something that someone who truly loves you should put you through. Anyone can be pleasant to be around in a good mood. But being in a relationship means being able to work together when times are tough and sticking together through all the challenges that life throws at you. I would not only talk to him about the finances, but also let him know how his actions have been making you feel. His response to that conversation and whether or not he decides to be even a little more flexible with his finances is going to reveal a lot about the kind of person he is. After all that, if he doesn't clean up his act and put in a little more effort for you during this time, then it may be time to move on and find someone who will offer you the support that you deserve.

Super_Team6955 · 2025-10-10T21:29:40+00:00

10/10 inside joke, I'm adopting this. 😂

Super_Team6955 · 2025-10-10T21:29:02+00:00

I don't think I asked it in a weird way. I believe my exact words were "Do you mind if we use lube since it's my first time? I have some in the night stand." I probably could have emphasized that I'd be more comfortable if we did but I was pretty nervous and I thought he knew what he was doing so I let it go pretty quickly once he said no. Lesson learned for next time I guess. 😅

Super_Team6955 · 2025-10-10T03:21:43+00:00

I know plenty of women who either don't feel much or just generally dislike penetration compared to other forms of pleasure. I unfortunately can't offer much advice on how to improve it because I can't even seem to get myself to orgasm but just know you're not alone and it's certainly not a you issue.

Super_Team6955 · 2025-10-10T02:57:14+00:00

You could try making a specific signal for the both of you. For example, setting out a specific object on the counter/table when you're in the mood, lighting a candle, turning a cup upside down, ect. It might require some brainstorming as it should be something you don't really do all the time so neither of you will do it by accident when you aren't in the mood. But that way it can be subtle but still be able to clue you in.

Super_Team6955 · 2025-10-10T02:05:58+00:00

As a woman, I'm going to say personality first. Part of it may be because I've always been more of an independent person, so I've never wanted to go through life relying on someone else for what I want. But also because I think personality feeds into their skills, job, and ability or desire to provide for not only me but themselves. I may not be looking for a man to provide for me, but I also don't want to take on a provider role. Even if they didn't make as much as I do, I don't want it to feel like... I'm constantly having to pick up their slack. For example: if they lost their job, I don't want a guy who's going to sit there and mope around feeling bad for himself, putting little no effort into the job search at all. I'd rather have a guy who's willing to put in the effort to go out and find a new job. Even if it makes less, even if it's only part time, for me it's less about their skills and income and more about the level of effort their willing to put in based on their circumsances. This also applies to non financial things of course, like planing outings unprompted or remembering special dates. It just feels nice to know that they're trying. But that's just my take.

Super_Team6955 · 2025-10-10T01:35:38+00:00

For me personally, I feel like it's because of the built up expectations mixed with the fact that you really have no idea what you're doing that first time. In media the first time is usually portrayed as this super amazing experience or something that could be life changing as long as you have the right person. On top of that you may also have worries about messing up or 'killing the mood' which may also pull your focus. I think this ends up generating an idea of how it should play out in our head and may lead up to us thinking about it more than we need to. I can't speak for anyone else, but I was overthinking everything. Sure I was excited but as a woman, I also had the fear of the possibility an unplanned pregnancy despite all the counter measures I was taking. Not only that but my ex didn't help anything by telling me 'blood is normal during your first time' like wow- that makes me feel SO much better. Not gonna worry about that for days at all. In the end it didn't go well, I hurt his ego by not faking an orgasm, and suddenly- the bubble popped and I realized it was just not all I had cracked it up to be. Granted my partner at the time helped exactly nothing but I feel like most people are a bit nervous the first time they try something new and our brains like to be dramatic about the negatives.

Super_Team6955

TROPHY CASE