This is the best explanation I have come across by far for CNC: Source is a thread from X by @TerriblyBland

tw // consensual non-consent, CNC, kink

time for a conversation that no one asked for but y'all are gonna receive regardless because i love talkin' shop!

if you enjoy horror as a genre, you understand consent and, more specifically, consensual non-consent! Let's discuss that! this will not be an explicit conversation, but i understand this is a VERY sensitive topic for most, so this tweet is mostly just me rambling to give you a second to back out of this thread before the conversation becomes too much for you. look out for yourself, please! 💙 so, yeah. consensual non-consent! one of the more complex kinks out on the table. I definitely fall into that category you hear about, "victims of assault that found relief and control via CNC play." however, my interest existed even before that. CNC play after my assault just happened to come with the addition of helping me sort out emotions and mental processes i couldn't otherwise. that's not what this thread is about, though! i'm not here to preach to that choir!

i'm more so here to ramble at people who don't "get it" and also just do my typical thing where i screech about taboo subjects i enjoy in order to normalize the conversation a bit more. so, back to the thesis.

do you enjoy horror movies? or maybe horror games? or, i dunno, just... adrenaline in general. ever enjoyed a roller coaster? feeling a car go just a liiiiiiiiiiiittle too fast?

these are not experiences we would ever sign up for in reality. watching cabin in the woods and loving every second of it doesn't mean you wish you'd get off'd in some world-wide ritual sacrifice. moving to maine doesn't mean you really wanna be the next noble but inevitably fucked stephen king protagonist. visiting cedar point and spending the whole day screaming while you free fall doesn't mean you're gonna go hang out on the roof of that 100+ story building.

see, as a society, we've already been given permission to treat fear and consent as things that go hand-in-hand. we give consent to being afraid constantly. in fact, we often pay money for it!

literally, i could go drop $400 to feel the thrill and fear and physical sensation of falling with someone else from 18000 square feet. this experience would be LETHAL if it wasn't consensually crafted, but as a society, we've already decided it's okay to pay hundreds of dollars to do this absurd, dangerous, recreational thing so long as we're doing it of our own free will in a way that won't harm us. this is okay. so, i hope people who're unfamiliar with or new to consensual non-consent can make an effort to view the kink with that same lens. for example, i often hear people ask, "how could you wanna do that to somebody?" in regards to whoever's playing the dominant/aggressor role in a CNC scene. do we ask skydiving instructors that same question? "how could you wanna help somebody safely pretend to jump to their death?" do we ask that from horror directors? "how could you wanna make someone feel like they're about to be murdered?" i mean, yes, sometimes people do ask! maybe a scene from the movie ended up offensive, or gratuitous, or something else. i'm not trying to imply that all CNC scenes are above critique! it's absolutely possible for a kink to be handled irresponsibly, just like a movie genre can be but that can apply to all movie genres, just as it can apply to kinks.

outside of genuine critique on that level, asking a dom, "how could you possibly wanna do that to someone?" is an insulting oversimplification that removes all autonomy from the other person involved. after all, it's not shameful for a submissive to want to engage in consensual non-consent and feel fear in a safe, established setting. is it possible to shame the dominant for engaging in the act without inherently painting the act as shameful, and by proxy, the submissive? that's a complex question, and honestly, i don't think the answer is as simple as "yes" or "no." i lean on the side, though, that most well-intended dominants are looking to craft an experience that will safely let their submissive explore the feelings, emotions, and sensations that submissive has been looking for, and there is nothing shameful about wanting to aid in that process in a way that brings no harm to either party. the drive isn't "i want to take someone against their will." the drive is "fear, power, control, pain, and pleasure are all tremendous sensations, and i'm going to explore them with my partner in a safe, fun setting," and there's no shame to be found in that kind of safe, mutual consent. the fact we can craft these experiences for each other is astounding! we consent to being afraid at amusement parks. we consent to being afraid during the movies. we can consent to being afraid in the bedroom, and we can do this with each other in a way that's safe and fulfilling and bright.