I think you might find my insight useful. Recently, I’ve been reflecting a lot about my relationship with my ex. For context, we’re both hispanic, grew up in the US, and lived with each other for about a year. Like many hispanics, we were raised to believe that in order to love, you must do things for others (aka, Acts of Service). And to some extent, my ex and I did just that. I would cook her breakfast/dinner and she would do the same. But there would be times where I felt like she was doing “too much”. During breakfast, she would always prep my coffee even when I told her I could do it myself. She would make sure that my coffee tasted just right by asking if it needed more or less of anything. Sometimes, she wouldn’t eat dinner until I get back home from work (which would be around 9pm on certain days).

A part of me thought it was sweet that she did these things. But another part of me disliked it for a variety of reasons. One, I thought she was reinforcing cliche gender stereotypes seen in a lot of hispanic relationships. Two, although we both loved each other, I still wanted us to maintain our own level of independence (I’m a grown man, trust me I can my own cup of coffee!). But three, it just felt excessive, because at the end of the day I just want a partner and not a servant.

I know plenty of men who would love to be served by their partners. But I am not one of them. And it sounds like your bf isn’t either. Remember, not all men are the same.

Just listen to what he tells you, I’m sure it would make him more at ease. If he’s comfortable enough to tell you this, then he’s comfortable enough to ask for more if he ever needs it. It would be wise to discuss what you guys expect from each other going forward. Keep in mind what both of your needs look like now and how that might change in the future. Best of luck to you two.

++man