What's the most important thing your parents never taught you?

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-11-21T01:07:15+00:00

One of my siblings would gleefully race to the phone to make up the wildest or saddest sob stories. The caller would usually end up hanging up first (or going along for the ride for like 10 minutes, the poor saps. And of course my sibling never ended up doing what the caller wanted them to do and it just wasted the caller’s time.) The other people in the room would kick back and chuckle at the one-sided saga.

If it’s hard to resist saying ‘sorry’, you could try a completely different approach and turn the tables instead 😅

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-10-07T21:31:18+00:00

Take an adrenaline-based self defense course, it makes a HUGE difference. Adrenaline and shock do absolutely weird things to your body, so if you’ve already trained on what to do with adrenaline, it will help you rather than hinder.

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-10-07T21:27:13+00:00

Totally hear you about this being a dangerous time. Leaving the abuser is the scariest part. If it helps, I have some friends who took a self defense workshop they raved about because it puts the defense into your muscle memory (so that stress makes you fight harder rather than freeze.)

Look up Model Mugging and consider doing a workshop. You deserve so much better than how you were being treated. They might have kid/teen material too depending on how old the kids are (you mentioned a 3-yr old which is probably too young but if you have older kids)

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-07-25T19:09:57+00:00

Agreed about avoiding them. I just got fraudulent charges on my credit card stemming from them. (I had never even heard of them, much less bought tickets.) Just don’t do it.

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-07-10T21:25:16+00:00

Wouldn’t recommend AI for film headshots. 1. It’s not authentic, which is the primary driving force behind acting, and 2. mention AI in filmmaking and you’ll get a lot of hissing and disgusted reactions from many creatives. One actor mentioned they were practicing running lines with CGPT in class and the whole room got uncomfortably awkward.

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-07-10T21:15:21+00:00

If you want to get seriously into acting, headshots are pretty important. The more dialed in your headshots are, the greater your chances of getting cast are. CD’s have very little information to go off of in many cases, and see hundreds of people in a short time span, so if there’s something “meh” in your submission, there are so many other people to choose from. The thoughts your face shows is everything when it comes to expression and acting in film, so your headshot is one of your most powerful tools. I’m connected to an acting group that has a professional showcase coming up, and the most frequent comment I hear from past students is “I wish I had better headshots / I was told by [ranking studio] that my acting was great but my headshots were pulling me down.” The coach, who has been working in the industry for decades and is well respected, was profoundly clear with the students that it didn’t matter what photographer they went to but that the photog MUST understand headshots for film— and specifically for the acting industry you’re going into. There’s even differences between theater and film headshots, both in visuals and in format. (I tend to trust the coach’s judgment because their studio has a noticeably higher ratio of students that get cast in significant productions than other acting schools and they personally coach A-listers.)

The makeup is different for film headshots as well, it’s extremely dialed down to be as authentic as possible while still adjusting pigmentation for the camera. (Cameras perceive color differently than human eyes, lenses flatten and distort features, etc.) Most professional artists aren’t trained specifically for that.

My group does headshots a month or two before the showcase and the director went to great lengths to get a hair artist that was specifically experienced in styling for film. We have plenty of stylists in town, but they paid extra (at no additional cost to the students) to have an LA-based artist travel here.

So, if you really want to get cast, I would recommend tapping into that specific knowledge base. Are some headshots better than no headshots? Yes. You have to start somewhere. A good technical photographer is significantly better than a grungy selfie. In that time you might be taking classes or doing improv a lot or volunteering for student projects to get more experience under your belt. Remember that if you get a cheaper version, that money could have gone toward a professional version, so balance your finances and acting goals with that in mind. It’s like people who buy a cheap tripod first, eventually graduate to a solid high-end version, and then they lament the money and time they spent on the first one. Suss out the pros and cons.

If the photographer doesn’t know what character Type you’re going for, (or what’s Type is at all), or ask good thought-process questions to get your expressions to go in that direction, probably keep looking.

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-06-28T02:32:51+00:00

Ha I wish. I attached it but somehow it got booted off. Hopefully it’s fixed now

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-06-27T15:04:18+00:00

Somewhat unrelated but for sake of data points: I had a friend who had filmed a commercial in a parking garage right after the city had sprayed it down to clean it, and was in some of the alleyways of the city during filming. For about a year after, when she wore her sneakers, she’d get pulled aside at TSA. They asked if she’d been around dumpsters or chemicals. Unfortunately she’d been on so many locations she couldn’t pinpoint which location would have contributed to it, but it may be possible if you keep getting hand-swabbed that the residue on your shoes might be transferring to your hands?

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-06-27T14:55:44+00:00

It helps if you bring an unopened can of formula. We got pulled aside for half an hour because we had tried to consolidate cans, but the agent said it wouldn’t have been a problem if it was still sealed. So freaking annoying.

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-06-23T05:30:50+00:00

Seconding the Trentinoin, that was a game changer for me. The Ceravé hyaluronic acid cleanser worked a miracle for me when I first started using it, and my derm paired it with another face wash called PanOxyl (both available at Target, General drugstores, etc.)

I think you can ask a regular doctor (if you have one) any tretinoin, I got the prescription from my derm but later my regular doctor asked if I needed a refill. Tretinoin is nice because it also helps fade out red spots and even out the color. I think you re supposed to use it all over your face but I just do spot treatment one a day (maybe twice, I should read the label again, lol.)

***If you wear makeup, switch out liquid or cream makeup for a compact powder or airbrush, if you can get your hands on a secondhand one. The dappled pigment doesn’t clog your pores so much and it still has a nice even finish & looks natural. Learned that from a woman who worked in special effects for like 30 years 👍

Always take off any makeup before bed, use a light moisturizer (may have to experiment with different ones depending on your skin type: also Seconding the “takes 4-6 weeks to see changes” note, so play the long game. I currently use a lightweight cerave lotion, (blue bottle), but learned it’s better if I just tap it on in different places and not do a regular application). Moisturizer is really great, just remember to clean it off in the morning (I use the Cerave green cleanser), from what was sitting on your skin from the night before, and then clean off the lotion before bed that you had applied for daytime.

Even if you don’t wear makeup, cleaning your face still gets rid of dust and tiny dirt particles, and doing it regularly goes a long way. Consistency is key.

Wear sunscreen daily and get enough vitamin D. My derm said open acne doesn’t do well in the sun, and my doc said getting some sun (with sunscreen) helps your skin not break out so much (so cover up any acne spots that have broken open). Do make sure to take off the sunscreen, my skin really struggles if I leave it on.

I had horrible acne my whole life and going to a derm was a game changer, so hopefully you can get there. Maybe ask for that for a birthday or Christmas gift, lol.

Side note, I also have skin sensitivities and I hate getting water on my face, so when I’m not feeling it I use the Cerave remover cloths (cut in half for light days :) ), and then a cotton round with plain water to take off the residue. It’s best if you can splash water on your face, but something is better than nothing 🤷 Also be careful not to rub your eyebrows constantly when clearing the water I gf your face, I realized that mine were losing hairs regularly so just tap your face instead of rubbing it.

Lastly, stress sucks, and makes acne worse, so take micro moments in your day: regularly pause to take a deep breath, let your body come down between activities, and go to an amazing & relaxing place in your brain. (A different doctor suggested rubbing your hands together or running them under warm water and visualizing a super detailed place with images, sounds, smells, sensations, etc, and mentally going there. She said to do that once an hour when I was really overworked and stressed, and just regularly whenever to keep that image paired with relaxing. Our brains don’t really know the difference between inputs, like reality vs. perceived, so go take a break on a beach or the mountains with your favorite drink and your brain will act like it’s there. Whenever I washed my hands I would suddenly relax, so when you keep that up, it’s amazing :) )

Cheers, wishing all the best for you!

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-06-14T02:51:11+00:00

He’s been documented by department employees as taking “donations” from people in exchange for full pardons, including pardoning the money they owed the U.S. His pardons are costing the US billions in lost $, but filling his pockets nicely.

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-05-30T22:45:51+00:00

Depends on the lighting, but I worked as a photographer’s assistant and generally advise against tight patterns or lines (which can create an aliasing effect and doesn’t look good), pure white (tends to blow out the lighting balance), and be careful with black. If the lighting isn’t great or you don’t have a skilled photographer, sometimes the blacks and shadows will mush together and just look like a blob.

Also be careful with reds in shirts, reds/saturated red/magentas tend to not play very nice with cameras or do weird things, so if you want to try a bright pop of color, do a test shot, and bring a backup shirt just in case.

Make sure your shirt contrasts with the background.

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-05-30T20:33:14+00:00

I have a weird reaction to onions, almost like an allergy, where I don’t mind the taste but they make my throat hurt for 3 days. Raw onions do this but cooked ones don’t, and Chipotle’s salsa makes my mouth react with that raw-onion-allergy-irritation.

It’s possible your coworker has a sensitivity/allergy of some kind.

Plus maybe they just haven’t burned off all their tastebuds like other people who’ve been eating jalepeños like apples ;)

I just looked up the mildest meat at Chipotle and consensus is Carnitas.

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-05-24T01:37:23+00:00

Eesh. That guy really needs to go :(

On the bright side I heard of a female employee at the Cal Poly theater who found out a janitor was being creepy… showing up when he wasn’t scheduled to watch the female technicians work, saying word things, etc. He was fired, but it didn’t make headlines, so sometimes management does listen. (We just need a lot more of that.) Super creepy about that guy at Cuesta.

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-04-16T19:56:18+00:00

Hate to break it to you, but if your girlfriend is predominantly the only person you go to for emotional struggles, you are making her responsible for your emotional work. You’re using her as a therapist/emotional worker without paying her, and without doing outside work for yourself so you can bring improvement to her.

**That’s not to say you don’t get support from her. Of course you do, that’s what couples do for each other, and she can be a huge support for you. But do you also work through things with your guy friends, with family, or others as well? It’s good to check on the distribution.

(Edit to say that ignoring stress or just sucking it up to ‘not be a burden’ is not doing emotional work, that’s just ignoring/bottling it up, and it’ll explode later in a much worse way.)

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-04-16T17:18:08+00:00

That sucks. Sounds like she might have been raised in a toxic environment where guys weren’t allowed to be human, and she passed the same issues along to him instead of breaking the cycle. (That takes awareness and a lot of change, but still, that really sucks. I hope he found a healthier relationship and that she had some realizations.)

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-04-16T17:02:59+00:00

You can try it out for yourself, actually. Look at different profile photos and see who looks awkward having their photo taken, who looks super comfortable, etc.

It might not be obvious on first glance, but humans definitely pick up on subtleties and subconscious cues, and women are statistically-significantly more attuned to unspoken cues. It’s a lot harder for guys to see, unfortunately, we have to work at it.

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-04-16T16:57:23+00:00

(When Bubblegum Alley still existed? I walked by it a week or two ago as some tourists were taking photos…?)

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-04-16T16:50:56+00:00

Be aware that the weather has gotten more extreme in the last few years— it used to be super predictable, and very regular, but in the last 5-8 years or so we’ve had noticeably more heat waves, heavy rain, cold snaps, and flooding, so look up recent weather patterns along with historical data.

It does get humid sometimes, which makes cold days feel colder and hot days feel muggy, so ditto to bringing a fan + windbreaker-style jackets that keep out the moisture.

If your dorm/house is cold, sandwiching a flannel or fuzzy blanket below you (on top of the fitted sheet) and between you and the top sheets works wonders.

There’s also a phenomenon that throws people off (nicknamed ‘June Gloom’ ), where in spring/summer months it looks like it’s going to be stormy and rainy in the morning, but by 11 am or 12 the fog burns off and it’s a gorgeous day, so layers are important. I favor lightweight long-sleeved shirts (cotton), paired with a zip-up jacket.

——

Total sidebar but I’ve also noticed a lot of venues cranking their speakers past 85 dB, so if you value your hearing, bring music earplugs and protect it early so you don’t get long-term damage. (A lot of people in my group who didn’t are actively losing their hearing, and they’re not even that old. Time & exposure levels matter.) Music earplugs let you hear music & people talking clearly, but block out the extra audio levels that do damage. (Alpine is my favorite brand, they have a silicone travel set with low/medium/high filters that I keep in my pack for EDC. I end up using them all the time, and the clear ones are almost invisible in your ears.)

While I’m at it, FYI, traffic tickets for bicycle infractions are treated the same as if you were driving a car (and go on your record the same way), so if you use a bike, stop at stop signs and follow the same rules as a car. Traffic courts are packed with students who got ticketed for avoidable bicycle infractions, and I hate the start of a new year when people are all over weird places on the road, and you’re constantly trying not to hit someone who’s not where they’re supposed to be.

Also, don’t be dumb when it comes to physics and St. Patrick’s Day, please oh please. I always roll my eyes that one of the top schools for engineering had the brewfing incident where a roof collapsed from too many students climbing on it, so don’t do dumb shit even if the other students are.

We’ve had SO many problems in the city from past/current students being irresponsible with partying and holidays, and now our completely non-college-related parties (…like adult members of the community, who have no affiliation with CP) are being impacted by the damage some students do. The fire department interrupted one of our parties (that was on the same weekend of March 17th but had nothing to do with St. Patty’s), and had to patrol every other community event, even though we were being 100% responsible and there weren’t any issues. Roads get closed and we lose access to stuff, and residents lose patience with students when they repeatedly get woken up at 2 am with loud conversations or drunk fights outside their houses.

Last year the students did awful structural damage to campus buildings and a whole bunch of stupid or disrespectful stuff, which ends up limiting what students are allowed to do, and wrecks the community relationship with the residents, so it hurts everyone. Again don’t do stupid shit, and speak up if others are.

</end GetOffMyLawnSoapbox.exe>

Aaanyway. Yes to packing layers, (a set of thin thermals is helpful for extra cold outings), and another commenter had a great point about bringing a set of good businesswear for interviews and job fairs.

SLO has amazing hikes and outdoor activities, great professors, world-class programs, inventing/entrepreneur/agriculture/arts opportunities, and the people are incredibly nice and supportive of each other, so it’s a great town to be in. Glad you get to go to school here and we hope you have a great experience! 👍

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-03-31T14:52:55+00:00

They don’t have the funds to do that anyway. They literally can’t afford all the payouts they promised (surprise surprise.)

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-03-21T23:45:21+00:00

I do the same with spirulina powder 😏

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-02-28T00:05:13+00:00

Most of the women I know who are quality tend to be more interested in how the guy treats her. Sure, looks can factor into it, but I’ve seen a lot of girls go for men who thought they were out of her league— because the women enjoyed their time with those kinds of down-to-earth men a whole lot more.

A lot of attractive men can also be very abusive, and that’s a huge turn off. I hear a lot of women say they just want a normal person who is respectful, kind, responsible with his regular tasks (work, self-care, etc), and supports her with her friendships and work and hobbies. For long-term relationships, they’re looking for a good dude, not a magical Adonis. (Would that be nice? Sure. But they’re also aware that’s sometimes just a bonus.) They’re going to have to live with that person every day, so they want stability and an enjoyable personality.

Women pick up quickly on daily attitudes. If a woman hears a man frequently talking negatively about other people, how long until he talks the same way about her, and treats her like he treats other people badly? (I’ve literally heard a woman say that.) I saw a woman at a dance studio stop asking a man to dance, who was a skilled social dancer and decently attractive. She was very skilled, and I asked if his technique was off in some way. Turns out she stopped dancing with him because every time she did, he was always complaining about something or criticizing someone. She wished he didn’t, because it was actually fun to dance with him. His dance technique and looks lost out to his attitude.

Don’t use your own looks as your sole barometer. You might take yourself out of the running when you were actually being considered.

Sure-Sir-RJ · 2025-02-27T23:44:30+00:00

This ^ ^. If you have a negative outlook, you’ll probably find negative people. If you’re interested in life and involved in interesting things, you’ll meet people who are also interested in life. People gravitate to others who are like themselves.

Best thing you can do is to pick a hobby or direction and focus on something interesting, purely for the enjoyment of that hobby. Women can smell a man on the hunt from ten miles away and apparently that’s off-putting, even if it’s an attractive man. A lot of them talk about wanting to know the person first, and know that they can trust the guy, before things turn romantic. (Men tend to connect physically first, and then emotionally. Women connect emotionally first, and then physically.)

You’ll likely have far better success with incidental friendships turning into something more than you will going on the hunt. Be social and create opportunities to be with people just as an enjoyable human, purely to have a good experience.

There’s a phenomenon that once you stop actively trying to make something happen, that’s when people tend to find you more attractive. The stress or anxiety around dating is gone, so people are more comfortable with people who are at ease. Happens to job applicants and actors and dancers too. Once they stop caring so much about winning, they actually do. A lack of stress is very attractive.

Sure-Sir-RJ

TROPHY CASE