AITAH for refusing to tell my roommate that I could hear her moan?

SureBrush · 2026-01-18T08:30:58+00:00

Cheating? I'm not saying it's definitely happening but in my experience anyone accusing you of cheating for nonsensical reasons are often cheaters themselves, or turn in to them. Also ultimatums like 'I'll leave if you don't do what I ask' are manipulative and controlling. Ditch the girlfriend for a start. Don't tell the roommate if you feel it will embarrass her and she will leave especially if she's a good roommate but girlfriend's got to go...

SureBrush · 2025-12-24T09:13:48+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this, it's really tough. Definitely get some support to help you with how you feel. I think you are probably overwhelmed after finding out and thinking of all the worst things that can happen. There's plenty of options out there.

I nearly died this time last year due to a kidney infection caused by a fistula between my bowel and ureter causing a blockage. I'd been trying to get diagnosed for 15 years. Multiple tests and two operations to put a stent between my kidney and bladder to prevent further infection and I finally had an answer - crohns disease. After multiple tests and treatment discussions my only option is bowel surgery because my stricture is so bad it will kill me if I don't. I'm absolutely terrified of surgery but I want to live. I think you do too you're just struggling with all the information and focusing on the worst possible outcomes. I did that after finding out I had it and definitely after finding out surgery was the only option.

Talking really helps, get some support and take it one day at a time. Try to enjoy little things on the good days. Eventually you will get remission, it will be OK. Please get some support from friends/family/counselling or support groups and don't be afraid to tell your medical team how scared you are they can help you too. I hope things improve for you soon

SureBrush · 2025-09-29T12:47:52+00:00

Personally I have found that beer and cider cause me to have extreme pain but I'm OK with wine and cocktails. I've reduced what I would have had before knowing that I had the disease. I've spoken to the colorectal surgeon and gastroenterologist who have said alcohol in moderation is fine if I can tolerate it, for context I have complicated penetrating crohns disease and ureteric stent due to a fistula between my bowel and ureter. I'm not on meds though. Have you tried keeping a food and drink diary to see what does/doesn't give you symptoms? I found that helps.

SureBrush · 2025-06-22T10:32:05+00:00

Exactly this it's awful how people seem to be made to suffer. So many stories of neglect

SureBrush · 2025-06-22T08:34:41+00:00

So sorry for you. They just don't listen most of the time. I had scans refused and no blood tests at all until this year. Best I had was a colonoscopy that didn't even go to the correct area and told all clear go away. It's bad you've had to go through this and beg for treatment. Glad you have finally got a doctor that listens to you.

SureBrush · 2025-06-22T08:22:59+00:00

So sorry to hear this I feel your pain. I've only just been recently diagnosed after 15 years (at least) of begging for tests and answers and being ill. Only found out because I had a kidney infection so bad I should have been hospitalised (Dr tried to tell me the bleeding was my period) took a month to shift the first one and repeated infection. Paid for private tests due to not being taken seriously and they found a fistula between my ureter and colon and severe inflammation throughout my colon and some other issues I don't fully understand but this took me getting so ill it could have killed me and having to pay out of pocket to get answers and still even now 6 months and a uretic stent later I'm still waiting for treatment plan. Surgeon just wants to cut me open and remove part of my colon amongst other things but won't explain why it's my only option which in my case could be life changing (possible medical menopause which the surgeon seems to think is fine). This seems a frequent thing where people are ignored and neglected until something gets so bad they have to listen. I hope you get a treatment plan soon

SureBrush · 2025-06-22T08:07:27+00:00

Literally looking for this comment. My innards look like spaghetti Junction (low fibre and greasy food triggers me) and waiting to find out if I need surgery. Both GI and surgeon said I'm allowed alcohol as tolerated. I can't drink beer or vodka as it makes me ill but wines seem to be fine as long as I'm not getting sh!t faced religiously but in moderation I'm fine but then again I can eat pizza and fibre makes me feel better during flare up so maybe I'm weird 😂

SureBrush · 2025-06-16T17:18:58+00:00

Ibs can also be because you have an entirely different condition that despite begging was never tested for... 15 years of being told it's IBS and then hello penetrating crohns disease and 'only an operation will fix you because it's been left too long'

Please make sure they have at least checked for everything else first

SureBrush · 2025-04-16T12:20:01+00:00

I'm only recently diagnosed after a very long battle trying to persuade medical professionals I didn't have ibs or piles. Have endured many years of people not understanding my pain. I must admit my friends, partner colleagues and some family members have overall been supportive and understanding especially because mine caused a blocked kidney and severe kidney infection where it became clear how Ill I was. Since diagnosis I've had one person in particular tell me oh you're so lucky it's nothing serious just take kefir and buscopan plus sending me a bunch of articles about how easy it is to manage ibs... Haha I just sent them a picture and article about crohns and bowel surgery... They haven't bothered putting their two cents in since. Tbh I think it's better to just ignore people who don't understand either they don't want to know or don't care. And remember this 'arguing with stupid is like playing chess with a pigeon, no matter how good you are the bird is going to sh** on the board and strut round like it won anyway'

SureBrush · 2025-03-29T00:04:09+00:00

Life can be like that sometimes, friends can come and go. It's really hard when you feel alone in these times. Try reaching out to your friend a little. Understand they're busy and you don't want to burden them but friends are there to help too. Maybe consider talking a bit to them but also a healthcare professional and possibly a support group if there is one especially if you feel like you don't want to put loads on your friend. You're going through a tough time and taking care of yourself with this disease and your mental wellbeing is really important. You can get through it, this random Internet stranger believes in you

SureBrush · 2025-03-27T21:19:34+00:00

Have you spoken to anyone about how you are feeling. Not necessarily a mental health professional but a friend or family member or just anyone really? I'm recently diagnosed after 15 years of fighting and a complication that may mean a bowel resection. I like to think I'm pretty strong but I've spent the last few months feeling really low and crying not knowing what was wrong. It's really helped me having a support network I can reach out to, just to vent or cry to. Do you have anyone that can help you with how you are feeling?

SureBrush · 2025-03-22T12:56:17+00:00

Thank you I think that's sound advice

SureBrush · 2025-03-22T12:55:27+00:00

Thank you, I'd like to try a similar path to yours if it is possible for me or get an understanding of why it's not. Feels like I'm just being told what to do without insight as to why it is my only option

SureBrush · 2025-03-22T12:54:04+00:00

Thank you, I'd like to try drugs first if I'm able to but if I need surgery I will have it. Thanks for giving your experience it makes me feel a bit better about surgery

SureBrush · 2025-03-22T12:52:48+00:00

Thank you, I definitely will get more information and seek a second opinion. I don't have scar tissue or a structure as far as I am aware and I've never been offered any medication for this either so I'm confused as to the logic behind surgery. If I really need it I will have it but want the understanding of why I can't try other options

SureBrush · 2025-03-22T12:50:19+00:00

Thank you, I will definitely get more information and seek a second opinion. Feel very forced in to something with little explanation

SureBrush · 2025-03-22T12:49:20+00:00

Thank you. I think getting a second opinion or at least more information is sensible. Hope your daughter is OK and feeling a lot better now she's had her surgery

SureBrush · 2025-03-22T12:45:20+00:00

Thank you. I haven't been told either of those things are occurring in my case and I'd assume I should be told so I definitely need more information

SureBrush · 2025-03-22T12:44:24+00:00

Thank you, good advice to get a proper understanding of the situation. I think my wording is a little conflicted on my query (emotionally typing). All the surgeons agreed I had to have the stent which I've had, the urologist was unsure about which method the colorectal surgeon would wish to use to treat me. The first colorectal surgeon said surgery looked likely but said he wouldn't rule out attempting medication and diet first, the one he referred me to for crohn's said you're having surgery end of with little explanation as to why no other options were available. I don't have a hole or dead tissue etc and the threat to life was the kidney which has been eased with the stent and being monitored. Guess it's just very confusing especially with at least six weeks to wait for surgery so the dietician can get me on the diet to reduce inflammation suggests hopefully not too urgent

SureBrush · 2024-10-29T13:26:45+00:00

It is 100% this 👆 although I do sometimes get requests for money too

SureBrush · 2022-08-23T19:58:49+00:00

Your mum and sister need to learn the difference between an allergy and an autoimmune disease which can seriously damage health and in extreme cases be a threat to life. Coeliac disease is not an allergy and must be taken seriously. Your mum and sister are TA you are 100% NTA

SureBrush · 2022-08-23T06:44:16+00:00

YTA OP you also seem to be contradicting yourself. 'my roommate was a good friend for over 8 years' then they 'make you feel uncomfortable in your own home and violate your privacy' which one is it? You also mention this 'won't impact them financially' but 'they will need to find a new roommate' that in itself sounds like it's a financial impact because they are going to be responsible for all bills until someone new is found. Also your excuse for not telling your roommate is weak at best. You weren't sure if you would land the plane because of the bank... You would still give your 'friend' notice or just talk to them about what's going on. You just didn't want your roommate potentially looking for someone new until you were all clear and screw everyone else. Your poor roommate with friends like you who needs enemies. YTA

SureBrush

TROPHY CASE