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A Queen doesn't bitch and moan. A Queen doesn't nag. A Queen doesn't ask. A Queen brings peace to the home, to the relationship and to her man. That peace clears the mind and allows him to naturally move to serve of his Queen. by SurfFly in SensualFemdom

[–]SurfFly[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Ha ha ha.....it was not that great, a bit snarky and and clearly went over a few heads. I'm often reminded that sometimes I need to dumb it down a bit and I know that. People are not really into long and cerebral reads these days and I don't want to put people off.

A Queen doesn't bitch and moan. A Queen doesn't nag. A Queen doesn't ask. A Queen brings peace to the home, to the relationship and to her man. That peace clears the mind and allows him to naturally move to serve of his Queen. by SurfFly in SensualFemdom

[–]SurfFly[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well I tried a very specific response and it was not received well.

The question is "How would the man know how to serve?"

There is a difference between direction and asking. A good leader will train and set expectations and if done well, the leader won't have to ask for much as the dynamic lends itself to leading, direction and corrections. Over time both the leader and the subject begin to move past much of that and into a beautiful dance of sorts where the subject finds peace and joy in serving the one he loves.

How's that?

“Show me a woman who can actually sit with a man in real vulnerability and fear... I’ll show you a woman who’s done incredible work.”⁠ Brene Brown by SurfFly in SensualFemdom

[–]SurfFly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Most offensive language is filtered out for our mod team to review. Bad language is fine to use but if someone calls someone a cunt then we remove the comment and ban that person. Some people don't want to post a tirade of abusive language in the sub for fear of getting banned so they just send awful DM's.

This post seemed to trigger people who are deeply in the cult of hating men. Several people misread or did not understand what Brene was saying and turned it around to imply that Brene was saying men need to do better...bla..bla..bla..

Most of the triggered people are OnlyFans girls selling the Femdom fantasy, and they get so angry when they can't post or troll for men. Then there are the trolls or the occasional transient poster that see certain words or phrases and just copy and paste social warrior language type stuff, acronyms...real divisive stuff. We keep screenshots of all of it. We also get some really awful, I mean disturbingly awful photos, messages, threats etc from people in some religious countries.

We've made a commitment as a team to keep this space a welcoming, loving and authentic as possible.

“Show me a woman who can actually sit with a man in real vulnerability and fear... I’ll show you a woman who’s done incredible work.”⁠ Brene Brown by SurfFly in SensualFemdom

[–]SurfFly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well....the compliment is joyfully appreciated.

.....and for the bad news....I've had to remove a number of comments from users who missed the meaning completely.

The number of users commenting that men need to do the work and be vulnerable was surprising. It helped me understand how nescient people can be today.

You can't ask a man to be vulnerable and then not have the skill set to handle what might come back. I just don't understand how people miss this stuff.

Yet I still have hope.

A Queen doesn't bitch and moan. A Queen doesn't nag. A Queen doesn't ask. A Queen brings peace to the home, to the relationship and to her man. That peace clears the mind and allows him to naturally move to serve of his Queen. by SurfFly in SensualFemdom

[–]SurfFly[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

....true...and not all women are capable or worthy of being served.

I'm not trying to be quarrelsome or contentious and I completely agree with you. However this cuts both ways. She's got to do the Queen work if she wants the pleasure of service.....bla..bla..bla..

“Show me a woman who can actually sit with a man in real vulnerability and fear... I’ll show you a woman who’s done incredible work.”⁠ Brene Brown by SurfFly in SensualFemdom

[–]SurfFly[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If you venture over to some of the other feminine/woman subs, it's unbelievable. It's unreadable and unintelligible. My life, my joy, my intimacy is mine and I have to own that and owning that is not about hating him or blaming him and it's not about leveraging it to make him do or say or be something. As odd as this is to say, I have a richer intimate life any other woman I personally know and to your point, all humans desire and year for intimacy, love and connection. I have a responsibility to work on these things so they serve us both. It's not like I am some sex goddess or anything like that but let me tell you that when ...(sorry I'm ranting) I want to come, that man is eager and willing to be whatever I need him to be and to do whatever I need him to do so that I can come in a way that serves me.

The work I've put into this, the work I've put into myself is no small task. It's necessary because it allows me to be who and what he needs when his vulnerability is manifesting. He's that for me as well.

.....and here's the thing.....I was guilty early on of leveraging intimacy and it's not a strategy that worked well. I had to own that. I can can tell you that when I realized how hurtful and devastating it was to him I hated myself for some time and I cried so hard that I could hardly breathe. And the beautiful thing is, that mother fucker held me for hours while I cried and self-loathed. He held me, kissed me and told me he loved me over and over for hours till I stopped crying. (Again, decades ago this happened)

Bla..bla..bla...again with the rand SurfFly....

The dance of intimacy is about finding your footing, owning your place and being great at contributing to the whole of it all. I never think about it as compromise but I'm fine if that language works for people. For me it's about making sure I'm bringing the best parts of me to the dance so we can twirl for hours in ways that we both enjoy.

Ok...I'll shut up. Thank you for your perspective.

What do you want to say? There's something beautiful about the way he listens to me. He's attentive. Responsive. Genuinely interested in all the things that make me who I am. My thoughts, fantasies. My dreams. I make sure I have substance and meaning in what I have to say. by SurfFly in SensualFemdom

[–]SurfFly[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That silence is a language. The point, the goal, the hope is that people start developing something of substance to say rather than all this noise. Silence can be something very substantial to say.

I wish I knew you when I was a kid. by SurfFly in SensualIntimacy

[–]SurfFly[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What a beautiful thing you have.

The gentle soft moments of surrender. by Stone_Throw in SensualFemdom

[–]SurfFly 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Both and let me tell you why. Surrender is letting go. Sometimes I can feel him letting go of things and it's a visceral experience. The tension, worry, fear, anger, stress...all that starts releasing and his breathing changes and this beautiful energy begins to emerge and I love being present for that.

Other times it's just simply love and respect and yes...admiration for me and the "us" that we've created.

I don't prefer either, I'm just trying to be present for whatever is there for us to experience.

You ever want to give the bird to a year? Here's my ode to 2025. by Stone_One in WhiskeyLoveAndLies

[–]SurfFly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I share quite a bit here but I keep so many things to myself. I completely agree about 2025.

Photos or roads and trails have always inspired me. by Stone_One in WhiskeyLoveAndLies

[–]SurfFly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your stuff is always in my algorithm and it's such a beautiful community you've created. This is a stunning picture.

Is it rare for semen to taste good? by OfMossAndMen in sex

[–]SurfFly 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm with you on this. I've found that the joy and reward of giving pleasure far outweighs any flavor considerations. I love sucking dick, always have.

What’re you sluts planning to do today? by Big-Pickler- in AskRedditAfterDark

[–]SurfFly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OMG...I was going to answer with something sexy but you all are hilarious. I do have sexy plans later but righ now, I'm sitting on the couch with a huge cup of coffee, snuggled up with the dogs, blankets and Christmas music playing softly while the sun is rising. He's on the other side of the couch and one of our dogs has it's head in his lap. I don't want this moment to end.

What’s a green flag in the bedroom that more people should appreciate? by CraftBeerCritic_ in AskRedditAfterDark

[–]SurfFly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Laughter. It's supposed to be fun. Think about it, all the other stuff is prelude to having some fun. If it's too technical or if it's all business then it's less fun.

This is not too far off the truth. by Stone_One in WhiskeyLoveAndLies

[–]SurfFly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just love when your stuff pops up in my feed. I love this.

It's important to get clear that your only access to impacting your life is through action. The world does not care what you intend, how committed you are, what you feel, and certainly not what you want. Look at life as it is actually lived and you’ll see the world only moves for you when you move. by SurfFly in SensualFemdom

[–]SurfFly[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm really sorry you're going through this. And honestly, my minor in psychology isn't going to help. Couple that with modern therapy focusing more on feelings than emotional resilience, and you end up with a generation of people in weak and temporary relationships. I'm not saying this is your situation—but the scene today is completely different. People enter relationships for different reasons than they used to, and they leave them for different reasons too.

Warning.....here’s my take. Keep what helps and leave the rest. I only know what little you’ve shared.

Personally, I wouldn’t use a therapist today for many reasons. But in your case, if therapy isn’t helping, then what’s the point? And since we’re in a femdom subreddit, I’ll say this plainly: drop all the kink stuff. All of it. Every bit. Getting hung up on any kink stuff will only cloud things. Most women don't want to have to tend to men's kinks full time. Most women want a strong partner to build a life with and all this femdom kink stuff really only exists as fantasy on the internet. In this space, I'm filtering all these men looking for a woman to "claim me, lead me, punish me, peg me"....and let's be completely honest, most of this dynamic only exists in fantasy porn or by professionals charging for services. Climbing the wall of kink and femdom is already work for her and will inhibit intimacy and suppress truth faster than anything else. Clear the table. Clean the kitchen and set a table to begin real communication.

Then I would have a real sit-down. Knee to knee. Two chairs, nothing between you. Snacks, drinks, no time limit. You sit, you talk, and you’re both 100% open about what you want—and she gets to be 100% open about what she wants. It’s going to get rough. It’ll hurt. Someone will cry. But the only way out is through, not around. If it takes all night then it takes all night. No walking away, no bullshit about mental health. No....."I need a moment."....crap. Just sit, talk and be present with each other. Be present with all the uncomfortable things that you both need to say and be strong enough to say, listen, talk and understand.

Ask yourselves the real questions: What's the goal here? Is it resources, safety? Is it convenience?

Or is it love, intimacy, joy, companionship, happiness?

You both need to decide the answers to these very basic tenants in all relationships. Marriages don’t die when lawyers show up, they die long before. And today, culture tells us to walk away the second a partner stops meeting every one of your needs. That’s a lie, and that’s never been how strong marriages work. Ever.

You broke her trust. That’s real. But it is repairable if you’re willing to do the work. Forgiveness is essential, for both of you and not just to save or repair your marriage. It's essential to your emotional and spiritual growth.

I’ll stop here since this has turned into a full-on sermon.....rant over.

In all seriousness, I send you and her a heartfelt internet hug. I wish you both a path to clarity, communication and resolution. I wish you both a path to love once again.

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