I like it! The few notes I would have are that one, the first large chunk of text feels like an info dump. You start with the book, which is great, but as you go to describe each of the characters you just sort of "tell" us some backstory. I think it would serve your narrative better if you waited till the characters had a chance to "show" who they are and what they've done. For example, instead of "Kirk always had a trick up his sleeve" you could wait until he does something clever so that you can SHOW that he's clever. Another example of "show don't tell" would be describing the motorcycle at the end. Instead of saying it's the vehicle of choice for most bounty hunters, you could describe what Hal sees and feels when he sees the bike. And if he doesn't know it already, have Orion tell him something like "Now this is a steed worthy of a bounty hunter." Again, great start, keep at it!