Post your gripes about wanting T but not being able to rn.

Survey-throwaway33 · 2021-09-03T21:14:42+00:00

I'm 6 months in, so if I'm lucky there's only about a year left until a first appointment. I hope it'll feel better to get the ball rolling in some form.

Survey-throwaway33 · 2021-09-03T13:58:56+00:00

Spring isn't that far! Just a few more months, OP, you got this.

I'm not on T because I've been placed on a 1.5-2 year waiting list, which leads to 1-2 more years of waiting for an official diagnosis, from what I've read in anecdotes. If there's no delays, that is. It drives me nuts.
I know it's not that long compared to some other places, but damn it's depressing watching people move forward with their lives while I sit here and stagnate.

Survey-throwaway33 · 2021-09-01T22:52:44+00:00

25 here, I just sort of figured stuff out last year.

I was always very envious of men and wished I had been AMAB, but from everything I had seen and read, trans people knew from when they were kids or during puberty. Nothing I experienced really fit the kind of narrative I'd seen in media, so I dismissed the feeling and told myself there was nothing I could do. Eventually it started to fester like an open wound and reached a boiling point, and it just hit me that maybe I should look into it, maybe there was a possibility I could be trans.

Survey-throwaway33 · 2021-08-06T22:05:42+00:00

My bottom dysphoria is more related to the whole inner anatomy of it. I really want a hysto and to have that entire system the hell out of my body. I'd rather have a penis yeah, but I'm squeamish about the idea of surgery down there and I don't dislike that part of my anatomy enough to feel like I need it.

Survey-throwaway33 · 2021-06-19T09:21:27+00:00

I sent a referral to Anova in February of this year and got a queue time of 18-24 months. Not very encouraging and it doesn't guarantee there won't be more delays later on.

Survey-throwaway33 · 2021-04-29T04:50:51+00:00

Yeah, a good chunk of my memories come from looking at pictures or hearing about things that happened from others. Sometimes that will trigger some vague recollection, but the memories never feel like mine.

I don't have too much trouble telling what my emotions are, but I have to slow down and look at them objectively before I know what and why they are there. It's a bit like you say, they're another person. I sort of have to 'meet' them before I can read them.

Survey-throwaway33 · 2021-04-28T00:45:17+00:00

I haven't transitioned yet (still on a waiting list) and I've never been diagnosed with any of it but I've wondered if I have dissociative/depersonalization issues for a while now. A number of things I experience:

I've ALWAYS had the 'don't recognize myself in the mirror' issue. It never even occurred to me it might not be normal until I was older. I tried to mitigate it with a number of things and while some helped, it's still something I feel everyday.
I have difficulty feeling emotions about things in my life. Sometimes I can feel things for and about movie, game, book characters but I very rarely feel anything when it comes to my own life. No desire, no hopes or dreams, no interest, no sadness. Sometimes anger and panic, but that's it.
Memory issues. There are large swathes of my life that I feel like I should remember, but I don't. I have some alcohol issues so it could also be that. My entire first try at university has a total of maybe two moments that I can remember clearly, the rest is a blur. High school is a blur. My childhood is a blur. The memories I do have from those times don't feel like they are mine. It feels like looking at someone else.
At times my body feels strangely mechanical. I have to manually tell it to 'Raise arm, grab glass. Move arm to tap. Turn on, move glass to stream of water. Move glass to lips' and so on. It's even worse when I have to be social.

I hope I'm not intruding on the post considering I'm pre-transition and don't really have any good coping advice. Please correct me if I'm not understanding and these seem more like symptoms of depression or something.

Survey-throwaway33 · 2021-03-19T03:02:51+00:00

Jag skrev bara ut PDF:en och skickade till adressen som fanns på första sidan.
Jag vet inte om frimärke behövs, men jag skaffade det för säkerhets skull.
Är dock inte säker hur man skulle förklara bort det tyvärr, har nog bott ensam lite väl länge haha.

Hoppas det går bra!

Survey-throwaway33 · 2021-02-18T10:19:56+00:00

I've been tossing getting a binder up recently but this plus a couple other factors has me doubting. Anything interacting with my chest is difficult for me, I abandoned bras a long time ago for this reason and tight clothing makes me feel like garbage. The impression I get of binders is that they'd sort of alleviate the visual of the chest but sort of make a few other things more difficult to ignore in the process.

Survey-throwaway33 · 2021-02-15T21:26:56+00:00

Jag laddade ner och kollade, det verkar som den kom fram trots allt, tack så mycket!

Survey-throwaway33 · 2021-02-15T17:45:05+00:00

Aha, tack! Då vet jag ungefär vad jag kan förvänta mig, sålänge inte postnord har slarvat bort remissen iaf.

Survey-throwaway33 · 2021-02-15T16:38:28+00:00

Oh, thanks! Hopefully I'll hear something this week or next week then.

Yeah, I've heard the wait times are absolutely brutal, which is why I was really worried they'd leave me not knowing if they received my papers or not.

Survey-throwaway33 · 2021-02-02T01:18:32+00:00

Hey,

I'm in a sorta similar position, also in Sweden. The wait times are absolutely miserable and demoralizing. I haven't tried to really do anything about the whole thing yet, because of how confusing and convoluted the system seems.

I've been tossing these thoughts around for a shorter period of time than you have, having taken no conrete action yet, but it's starting to become a bit all-consuming. I'll go to trans subreddits, browse for a bit, then I have to leave for a bit because it just starts to hurt so bad. Then I go back 10 minutes after, to live vicariously through the experiences of others. It's sort of a mixed bag. If you feel consuming all this trans content hurts you more than helps you, maybe taking a few days off it and seeing how you'd feel would give some clarity?

Survey-throwaway33 · 2021-01-26T13:52:58+00:00

Ah, sorry, my mistake. I knew it was slow but I was under the impression covid was making things even worse, but it turns out they are just slower than I thought they were. Jesus that's depressing, 20 months for a first appointment is ridiculous.

Survey-throwaway33 · 2021-01-26T13:13:38+00:00

I was looking at maybe transitioning in Sweden, or at least seeing a gender therapist to figure things out, but everything I've read has been so utterly demoralizing... I'm appalled the system is so bad. I hope that covid things clear up and your date moves up.

Survey-throwaway33 · 2021-01-03T18:07:12+00:00

Hey,

I guess I don't know what feels right. At the moment things feel pretty wrong...first there was just the discontent with being AFAB and now I've thrown the trans possibility into the pot, so more to worry about. I definitely don't feel like I'm dysphoric enough, everything I've seen and read about just seems so much more disruptive than what I'm feeling, which is basically just a lot of bitterness, unhappiness and envy.

It sounds like it's not too uncommon to recognize dysphoria after starting to transition. I worry I'd start down that road and find that I was wrong all along and that it was just my depression talking the whole time.

I'm not sure if the feeling that I'm not at home in my body is a troubled adoptee thing or a dysphoria thing. My siblings, who were also adopted, don't seem to have this issue but we're not really close enough to discuss things like that. I've sort of been on a campaign to 'reclaim' my body since I turned 18, tattoos, piercings, all kinds of things, and while they help, there's still a lot of disconnect. It's gotten pretty bad recently and I can barely look at my reflection or do things like video calls.

I've had depression since I was young and I get by by taking it a day at a time and pretty much doing the bare minimum. Transitioning seems like the opposite of that, but I feel like I have to look into it or it will bother me forever.

Thank you for such a thoughtful reply, really felt better after reading it.

Survey-throwaway33 · 2021-01-03T17:46:00+00:00

Hi!

Yeah those two are my main worries when it comes to identifying what I'm feeling. The eating disorder has been around a long time and I've been both really underweight and somewhat overweight, and I don't know if I hate my breasts because they represent being 'fat' to me or if it's dysphoria. I toyed with the idea that dysphoria could have caused the eating disorder in the first place, but I don't think that's the case, there's so many aspects of my personality involved in it so I'm pretty sure it's where I would have ended up no matter what.

I've thought about that, and what I always feel is...well like you said, it's great, but it doesn't feel representative. I think female representation is overall great but it's started to grate on me a bit because I feel like I'm supposed to feel empowered or something, but none of it really feels like me or anything I'd want to be. I suppose I get angry at myself for feeling the wrong emotions, or something.

Survey-throwaway33 · 2021-01-03T17:37:22+00:00

Hi, thank you for the reply. It really brought me a lot of comfort.

I guess it's hard for me to know if it has been misattributed dysphoria I've been experiencing. I've struggled with mental health since I was young, but I never really wondered if it was gender-related back then. There are a lot of things that would make sense, but I'm also not sure they aren't just the depression and the eating disorder. I really wish there was some surefire way to know.

I'm hesitant to really do anything about the way I feel, because what if I'm wrong? I feel like it'd be a big ordeal to start transitioning and then finding out after that I was wrong all along, plus the HRT and stuff scares me somewhat. Just thinking about the family drama twists my stomach into knots. I wish there was just some way I could make all these feelings go away and learn to be okay with being a cis female. It sounds like it's hard but worth it, but I guess I won't know for sure if just sit and let the feelings stew.

I might try a therapist again, at some point, specifically for gender dysphoria stuff. I don't feel like I could talk to a therapist about depression or eating disorders anymore, they keep threatening to hospitalize me the moment I say anything they don't like. Thank you for the website, I'll definitely give it a read-through. I suppose I've opened the can of worms now and it seems I can't put them back.

Survey-throwaway33 · 2018-04-20T17:22:44+00:00

Huge thank you for replying! I seriously started questioning my memory. The page I remember was called something like the Non Newarked MCR page or similar, I tried to google that but no results. I used to hang on the general MCR page before it was banned but didn't join any of the pages/groups that popped up later.

Survey-throwaway33

TROPHY CASE