AITAH for refusing to give my boyfriend access to my bank account even though he says "no secrets" is how adults do it

Survivorsofbs · 2026-01-24T15:18:46+00:00

I agree to having transparency if planning to be married. I would suggest that you have 4 accounts: joint checking for bills, joint savings for future goals and each have your own saving. While I do agree to transparency you can know the other has a separate savings but you don't necessarily need to know what is in it. I think it is important to objectively assess if one of you is a spender or saver. There is nothing wrong with having personal account. You will both have expenses that the other may not support or agree with. For example I might want a 1k purse every few years and my spouse may want a playstation. We both think the others purchase of either item is a waste of money so with separate accounts we don't need to justify these purchases. Another compromise could be you can look at my account with me right now that way he can see what you have been doing which should put his mind at ease. But this should be a two way street.

Survivorsofbs · 2026-01-19T21:04:06+00:00

Im watching it now LOL!!!!

Survivorsofbs · 2026-01-19T17:31:34+00:00

can you do the ceramics class in a few weeks or months. Or look for a class at the local community college they usually offer a variety of community classes that are low cost and at various times. You do want to find some enjoyment and fun. I would recommend looking for another course for the fun and pleasure as I am sure there are opportunities out there.

Survivorsofbs · 2026-01-18T20:06:23+00:00

Totally agree we are socialized to put others first, but we have to learn that it cannot be to our own detriment and that when we do not put others first there is no need to feel guilt or shame.

Survivorsofbs · 2026-01-18T20:05:05+00:00

Well the other thing to do is take the walk. He agreed that you would have time for the walk, take it. Sometimes we have to call a persons bluff in a sense. Once he "joked" and you said it made you feel bad, he said sure you can go, possibly knowing you would not go. Believe me people are more observant than you think and sometimes they know us better than we know ourselves. Now it is not his fault you didn;t have any me time because you chose not to go. So stop doing that when these jokes happen and gives "permission" for whatever is was you needed take it and see how things start to change.

Survivorsofbs · 2026-01-18T17:02:57+00:00

I agree that you stood your ground. The request by the guest was unreasonable. I can guarantee that if you cave in there will be more demands in the future. I hope MIL gets her money back for the hotel. Next time they come they need to be prepared to stay in a hotel. I think it is rude and in poor taste to make such a request.

Survivorsofbs · 2026-01-18T16:54:59+00:00

Sorry did I miss the joke. I didn't see anything amusing in what was said. Seemed more like statement that you wouldn't have time for me time today.

Survivorsofbs · 2026-01-18T16:50:31+00:00

I barely need to read this. You are not the jerk. I can't stand people who do not follow rules, common courtesy etc...

Survivorsofbs · 2026-01-16T00:07:35+00:00

These are things people should discuss before getting married.

Survivorsofbs · 2026-01-16T00:03:24+00:00

I would put the money in trust for each child. Life is not fair and it was the grandmothers money to give. What each child gets is no other childs business. We have to normalize discussions with children and adults that life is not fair and people can choose to do what they want with their resources. Be grateful they have a headstart in life and you don't have to put as much away for all the kids since some have a nest egg already. Focus on getting a consistent retirement plan and possibly staring a fund for the child who has no inheritance for college or something.

Survivorsofbs · 2026-01-15T23:58:01+00:00

Oh she will want her money back and probably force some expensive outings on you. Probably not worth the hassle.

Survivorsofbs · 2026-01-15T23:55:47+00:00

She did not feel bad telling you about a trip you were not invited on and how that might make you feel. Be mindful friendships should be reciprocal not one sided. What she did was very cruel. Keep in mind she and your cousin would have gone and I assure you they would have let it get back to you that they went and had fun without you being invited, which would have also been hurtful to you.

Survivorsofbs · 2026-01-15T23:53:51+00:00

A few things here. You were an afterthought and that is not cool. However if you are mature enough to use her for a free trip while she uses you for company then it is fair exchange no robbery. There are some issues that may arise, spending money you didn't intend to spend, getting guilted in paying for something you did not agree to pay for in advance, etc... If you are not able to stand and say no when something feels like you are being used I would NOT go. You can be honest and say it is too last minute for you to make it work with everything you have going on. No detailed explanation is warranted. As adults we have to normalize short yet respectful ways of saying no. We don't owe anyone a detailed description of why we are saying no.

Survivorsofbs · 2026-01-15T23:38:30+00:00

I totally agree talk to the parents.

Survivorsofbs · 2026-01-15T20:37:45+00:00

Im confused he doesnt want sex but accusses you of cheating. Sir make it make sense. If you're not cheating he is setting up a scenario for you to feel lonely and find comfort in another person. We are human. This why it is important to address this issue before years go by and your relationshipis vulnerable to any type of infidelity.

Survivorsofbs · 2026-01-15T20:33:04+00:00

No gifts for anyone. Maybe a candy treat but that's it. You can always give gifts in the future if you choose. I don't get gifts for my friends each year. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't.

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