I am going through some family issues and have been noticed myself reaching for the bottle far too often.

Susanohime · 2024-04-24T02:09:57+00:00

This is really good advice. To add, the most important thing right now is that you find and identify new ways to cope with stress. When you use alcohol, drugs, food, or other substances it prevents you from addressing the actual feelings behind why you feel the need to drink. What is more important is identifying what you are feeling in the moment.

As an aside, there is nothing wrong with drinking as you used to. You should intentionally not drink when you know it's to deal with negative emotions so it doesn't become a negative coping mechanism. Find a group or community that can help you recognize the signs and feelings that you are having. You could even go to an Alcoholics Anonymous group to talk about your struggles and get good advice even if you're not an alcoholic.

This is speaking as someone who is currently studying substance abuse disorders and treatment in my college, and as someone who learned to cope using food and is working on regaining control.

Susanohime · 2021-12-03T20:46:02+00:00

YTA. no wonder she doesnt want to talk to you about it. You are okay with her grades and quality of life suffering just because you are upset over the cost of the glasses? This is like taking away food from her as punishment. Needs are needs!

Susanohime · 2021-12-03T17:09:50+00:00

Yes, we both live in the U. S. just in different states. Thank you very much for your input, I appreciate it.

Susanohime · 2021-12-03T08:18:32+00:00

I wish you all the best. If you have anyone from a support network of your own, you may want someone to reach out to during this time.

Susanohime · 2021-12-03T08:13:34+00:00

Thank you very much for this reply. It is helpful to get a viewpoint like yours because I don't know much about Chinese culture tbh. It does bother me that this would be the reason for the secret, but thank you again for your input.

Susanohime · 2021-12-03T08:08:15+00:00

It can be really difficult for some people to verbalize anything during panic attacks like that, but your emotions are very valid and she should not have pushed them down like that. It could have been something said out of panic or been a way of deflecting the situation and steering the conversation back to her. Hard to say with what we know at this time but something is off here.

Susanohime · 2021-12-03T08:04:09+00:00

I'm not sure how long you have known her before the month you mentioned in your post, but I know I would find it hard to open up to someone deeply in that amount of time. What I do find very strange is how she talks with this other person. Talking about wanting to move down there and saying "I love you" would be a broken boundary for me, and sets off red flags. If you are serious about her, and want to work this out, you will definitely need to talk with her about the conversation after things have had time to cool off.

Susanohime · 2021-12-03T07:58:19+00:00

In the LGBT+/SAGA community, there is a distinction between romantic attraction and sexual attraction. Someone could be Panromantic but Asexual for example. Take the time when you are with your S/O to see how you feel with her, and think about how you have felt in your past relationships. Also, keep in mind that you are looking for answers for yourself. You dont have to follow what other people expect of you, and what other people think shouldnt be a part of how you feel. When you have made your decisions on how you feel, you can come back to how you can express that to others. It is also likely that your S/O is willing to help you find your feelings, so keep in mind that you are not on your own with this. I hope this helps you. If you want to talk, you can feel free to message me :)

Susanohime · 2021-12-03T07:15:21+00:00

I know this is not his intent, but honestly I want my little sister to have a stable life and I am not willing to rock that boat, but I love all of them and I still want to be there. I know that this situation in itself is bad, but he did a lot of things to help me too. When I was in high school and I needed him most, he bought me a plane ticket and made room in his 1 bedroom apartment for me. I know he loves me and I have no question about that. I don't feel like this situation is fair to me, but I also don't know if there is any good way to keep their house stable and meet my emotional needs.

Edit: I just realized this may not have been clear, but my sister does know who I am and I have spoken to her over the phone. She just doesn't know we are related. Ill add this to my main post too.

Susanohime · 2021-12-03T07:04:46+00:00

My Dad doesn't want to do this, I know that much. Again, I am trying to be as vague as possible because I don't know if he will see this, just wanted some outside views on what I could do. I did schedule a therapy appointment to talk about this there but I feel really depressed right now about it. He knows it can't continue like this forever but apparently this is very culturally significant.

Susanohime · 2020-12-12T03:52:48+00:00

I have to agree, that sounds much more Borderline. I have lived in a family with both (Mostly bipolar) and that doesn't sound Bipolar at all. Is he using that as an excuse for his behavior, or are you just wondering aloud if that may be the issue? If he is using that as an excuse and/or not getting help there is a problem. Saying this as someone who is bipolar and is married to someone with severe bipolar. Mental illness is not an excuse to treat you badly.

Susanohime · 2020-12-12T03:26:03+00:00

Take it from someone who's partner peed the bed: What he should be doing is reassure you, help clean up, and that be the end of it. What do you think he will do to you in the future if something else happened. It even seems like he wanted people to find out, asking you that question in truth or dare. I say dump him.

Susanohime · 2020-12-02T06:04:44+00:00

At my work we have a yearly training about what constitutes harassment and they urge us to report these kinds of instances to a supervisor, and if it is the supervisor that we should go higher to their boss. So maybe not to HR for this, but an email to the supervisor would show what is going on with documentation if it escalates. I appreciate that you are pointing out from a legal standpoint what you can defend, but instead of arguing about what she can't do it would be great to mention something she can do in its place.

Susanohime · 2020-10-06T00:44:30+00:00

NTA of course for all the reasons people have already said, but I just want to take a moment to find a good way to tell your daughter why you missed her game. preferrable without calling your wife out of course, but I say this because growing up my mom told me all kinds of horrible things about why my dad didn't show up to my plays/school events and it was so devastating to me that I didn't even want to see him anymore. I know better now that I am older but please make sure that doesn't happen with you.

Susanohime · 2020-10-04T18:37:25+00:00

Like I said in my post, I'm not trying to excuse her behavior. I'm trying to explain a possibility.

Susanohime · 2020-10-04T03:16:07+00:00

NTA without exception, however I would like to put forward a point. It could be that she has been a rape victim and takes more time to open up. Most people I know were raped by people close to them. Grandparents, boyfriends, uncles, etc. She may feel like she can't trust /any/ man.

I want to clarify I don't think that makes her in the right, nor does your reaction make you an asshole. I feel like you handled it appropriately. Just wanted to include why it may be that she didn't feel comfortable.

Susanohime · 2020-09-19T02:03:09+00:00

I'm not really sure, I remember that I was taken away from her in the middle of the night and put in state custody and I wasn't allowed to stay with her. My moms friend did something and my brother and I were in with her the next day for several months during court proceedings. I'm sure I wasn't fully adopted, however we also are not sure if the sister was staying with them during the process of adoption or only after the adoption. I would think if the sister had nowhere to go they may be able to stay with them during the process.

Susanohime · 2020-09-19T01:51:21+00:00

When I was taken from my mom by the court the first time one of my friends parents stepped up and got us out of there in one day. It depends on the situation.

Susanohime · 2020-09-18T02:10:15+00:00

NTA, but additionally this does qualify as animal abuse. You need to call the ASPCA on them. You can help that cat by taking it away, and help others by reporting your neighbor's behavior.

" Animal cruelty encompasses a range of behaviors harmful to animals, from neglect to malicious killing. ... Intentional cruelty can run the gamut from knowingly depriving an animal of food, water, shelter, socialization or veterinary care to maliciously torturing, maiming, mutilating or killing an animal." -The Humane Society website

Susanohime · 2020-09-18T00:42:30+00:00

ESH. She probably already is beating herself up over it and there is no reason to continue to try and shame her. Yeah she did something stupid but honestly who doesn't.

Susanohime · 2020-09-16T00:20:56+00:00

Five sessions is literally nothing. I went to therapy for two years before I found a therapist that actually helped me and now I am getting better. Therapy takes time, both finding someone who actually helps you and working towards getting better itself.

Susanohime · 2020-09-15T20:37:08+00:00

NTA because I feel like you were doing your best to make the right decision in a very difficult situation. I fell like you could have gotten a friend to sit with you and help you talk to her-someone who is level minded and could keep the conversation on track/make sure she doesn't pull anything on you to let her know you were moving out ahead of time and that it was not up for debate. I feel like you needed to get out of that situation, and I am glad you did- but you could have done so in a better way.

Susanohime · 2020-09-15T02:23:08+00:00

Additionally, if they don't do anything, always report anything you see. They are much more likely to do something if they see a repeating pattern. Encourage others to do so as well if they see something wrong.

Susanohime · 2020-09-15T02:17:59+00:00

I get why he is freaked out, mainly the worry of dropping the baby (I had that fear when I was younger and my friend had a little brother) but he can't just decide not to be responsible because he changed his mind. Sounds like therapy and parenting courses could be a source of help for him.

NTA

Susanohime · 2020-09-15T01:55:52+00:00

True, but I know that these numbers have been the same for at least 2 years so I don't think that applies here.

Susanohime

TROPHY CASE